It was a rainy 1865 day. As the rain dripped through the poorly constructed civil war era house on Grants stupid haircut. Grant's little noggin came up with the perfect battle plans. Robert E. Lee will be crying for his dead mommy like a clam without a shell when he got a taste of them. Grant only had to write his surrender plans with the finest of squid ink. Grant was desperate need of some dead woodland substance which produces oxygen for all the good people even the confederates, those double sided nipple gargles. Grant took out his viking battle ax which he keeps in his man tits and set off for a tree. Grant then remembered that he was in sahara dessert because Robert e Lee was scary. Crap trees are not commonly present in such environments such as the desert, which I am currently in, i know this because sand is around me. As soon as the words left Grants unkissed lips a book fell from the sky. Grant then picked up the paper that was in the book, therefore lifting up the whole book. Upon lifting it up he noticed he was not alone. A large black death god stood in front of him. Grant was turned on by him. "What is your name o handsome one". "I am ryuk and i am—" ryuk was interrupted by grant "SEXY" the general bellowed like a seal doing a trick. Ryuk was flattered so he put a live trout on his nipples. "i would like to put my penis in what ever type of whole you have ." Ryuk, against his better judgement spread apart his asscheeks like butter on toast. Grant melted on the inside, Grant has been made a fool in love, but no more Ryuk would treat him right; taking him out to nice dinners, giving him half of his salary, ya'know the works. The sex was hot, but the love hotter than mercury . They had a deep understanding of each other, they knew all each others secrets, Grant even knew Ryuk's tickle spot. "DO IT HARDER I WANT A BLISTER THE SIZE OF TEXAS ON MY PROSTATE " screamed Grant. Ryuk couldn't hold it in any longer, this was it he was gonna blast like a fire hydrant; giving grant exactly what he wants. FLAWOOOOSSSSSHHHHHH Ryuk cummed the red sea into him. Grant smiled in pain. RYuk then died cause he broke the number 1 rule, need fall in love with a human. As ryuk disappeared so did Grants happiness. Grant went on to defeat Lee even though he had a gaping hole of loneliness in his heart. Grant will never dance again.