© Characters: Masashi Kishimoto

© Story: Sethfox/Mrfox

The pond

Night-time is quiet and peaceful for most. It is a time for rest and relaxation, for sleep and pleasant dreams. For Neji however, it was mostly a time of melancholy. He was a very light sleeper, and once roused from his sleep he found it hard to find rest again. Thus he spent many nights just sitting up and thinking. On nights like those, the walls of his room seemed to cave in on him and the air would feel as thick as mud. So on nights like those, Neji would escape outside and wander through the gardens of the main house for hours on end, always just thinking about life.

On this particular night, Neji sat by the pond in the garden which was the farthest away from the main house, and hidden from view by bushes and trees. He sat down on a rock and stared silently at the reflection of the nearly full moon in the water.

This was where it had all happened, he reminded himself. This was where Hinata started training herself when her father and cousin neglected her and decided that she was worthless. Here she had danced, night upon night, until she had acquired the skill that she needed to make her family finally notice her.

Neji hung his head in shame. He had taken part in the ruining of Hinata's life, and for that, he could never forgive himself. He had almost killed her, too, all those years before at the chuunin exams. He was so grateful now that he had not given in to his rage and desire for revenge. His cousin had turned out to be the person he depended on the most, nowadays.

"This is where she learned to dance, isn't it?" A soft voice spoke behind Neji.

Neji gave a violent start; he had not heard or sensed the other's arrival. He spun around, a kunai at the ready, but his hand was stopped by the other's, and a pair of chocolate brown eyes looked straight into his.

"Shikamaru." Neji breathed, and lowered the kunai. He looked away from the other and stared once more at the water, which was very still. "Yes. This is the place."

"Remarkable, don't you think?" Shikamaru sat down next to Neji and looked at the pond. "That such a quiet, peaceful place brought forth that enormous amount of power."

Neji smiled sadly. "It is remarkable, as you say." He muttered. "But it could have been avoided; you know that." He sighed. "And the blame, of course, lies with me. You see that too, don't you?"

"Yes." Shikamaru said. "I do. But consider this. Would she have been as brave as she is now, had Hiashi-sama taken the time to put her through the same training he gave you? Would she have been as independent as she is now?"

Surprised, Neji looked up. Shikamaru pretended not to notice, and continued talking. "She would never have gotten the courage because it would have been forced. By teaching herself, she found the guts she never knew she had. That's why you shouldn't blame yourself. It is better this way."

Neji felt a sudden surge of gratitude for the other man. He glanced at Shikamaru's reflection in the water, and noticed that the other was looking directly at his face. Neji looked away again. Then he realized something.

"Shikamaru," he asked, "Why exactly did you come to the main house in the middle of the night?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "I came to see you about the tactical details of an oncoming mission in the land of water." He replied. "Apparently, Tsunade-sama wants me to get your opinion on this case, since it is extremely dangerous."

"And Tsunade-sama demanded this of you in the middle of the night?"Neji asked, one eyebrow skeptically raised.

"No." Shikamaru replied. "But it took me until now to get a hold of you. You've been gone this entire day, and I figured you would spend the night at home, so I came to see you here." He sighed. "I know you don't sleep much."

Once again, Neji was startled. "How did you know that?" He asked. "I know my work isn't suffering from it."

"No, it isn't." Shikamaru said. "But you are."

"What makes you say that?" Neji asked calmly. He casually placed his hands on his knees to stop them from shaking. Would Shikamaru ever stop taking him by surprise?

Shikamaru stared at the moon's reflection and thought for a while before speaking. "You," he said, "Are like this pond. When people look at you, they see an impeccable, blank surface that reflects everything. Talking to you in-depth means that they have to look at themselves, and since people don't like that, no one gets close to you. Not because of you, but because you reflect everything. Meanwhile, you effectively shield your own emotions from view."

He took a deep breath and gestured to the water. "That pond is a lot deeper than you'd think right now." He said. "But you can't see the bottom because it reflects everything around it and unconsciously uses the reflection to block the view. It's just like that with you. You shield yourself from view behind a reflection of other people's emotions. One doesn't do that if he or she isn't hiding something. I've been with you on missions, and I know that you often get up in the middle of the night and stay awake for hours.

This lack of sleep could have several different reasons, but seeing as it's you, I figured it must be something personal, something you wouldn't want others to suspect. Therefore you give up your night's rest to think about it, and as you find no solution, your one problem has evolved into two problems; lack of sleep and no solution to your problem."

"You should be a psychologist, not a ninja." Neji growled. "You didn't have to perform psychoanalysis on me. Yes, you are right, something is troubling me."

Shikamaru smiled. "Like I said. I figured as much."

Neji scowled. "But why are you telling me this? Are you expecting me to tell you what's wrong?"

"I am not expecting anything." Shikamaru replied. "I am asking you."

This answer did surprise Neji, although he had a feeling that he should have seen it coming. Most people approached him carefully and used subtle hints to try and get him to talk, but Shikamaru had realized that Neji would ignore that and had thus chosen a more direct approach. Neji almost smiled. The other genius was indeed a formidable opponent.

"It is a rather personal thing." Neji said. "I don't think either of us will benefit from it if I tell you."

"I rather think that both of us might." Shikamaru countered. "Speaking about problems often gives you new insights, and you might find it comforting to have someone at your back, even if it's just me." He smiled sadly at Neji. "I don't like seeing you torture yourself." He said.

Neji sighed. "I am surely going to regret this." He said, "But I agree with your point. If there were anyone I could trust, I am sure it is you. I trust you can keep a secret?"

"Naturally." Shikamaru replied.

Neji took a deep breath. This was it. He would have to be very careful that Shikamaru didn't pick up any hint from him. "I... I recently discovered that I am gay." He said, "And that I have fallen in love with another man. But I cannot tell him this, as he is most probably straight. Yet I cannot forget him, no matter how hard I try. That's what keeps me up at night."

Now that he had actually said it out loud, he felt a lot better, he noticed. But now he was nervous about Shikamaru's reaction. The other hadn't said anything yet. Neji stared at their reflection in the water, unsure if he should say anything else. As long as Shikamaru didn't realize that he was the one Neji had spoken of, everything would be fine, Neji reasoned with himself.

Shikamaru stayed quiet for a short while. This news hadn't been a complete shock to him, but it had been a pleasant surprise. When he spoke again, his voice was soft and very calm. "You know, I've had exactly the same doubts you are having right now." He said. "But I realized that there is no way of getting over a man until he flat-out refuses you, proves that he is straight or accepts you. I think you should just go talk to him. You might find him more interested than you thought, and if not you will have an answer and you will be able to move on with your life."

Neji considered this, and found that he agreed and that he was glad that he told Shikamaru what was wrong with him. But now, a second problem presented itself. How was Neji going to tell the other that he was the object of his affections?

Neji stared at the water and thought of Shikamaru's words about him, a few minutes before. The other had observed him well; obviously he cared for Neji, if only as a friend. Then he thought of the great courage this same water had given his cousin. She had given herself a chance to follow her own path. It was high time that Neji started doing the same.

He turned around to face Shikamaru. "Following your advice," He said, "There is something I have to tell you."

Shikamaru smiled and leaned in closer to Neji, until their noses almost touched. "I think," he whispered, "That I know what you're going to say..."

A soft breeze stirred up the water of the pond, sending ripples across the carefully arranged reflections. While it stilled, a glimpse of its true nature could be caught; a gentle lover, a grateful friend, and the last droplet to tip the scale...

~Fin