I own nothing. Sigh...
The sky is dark and gray. Storm clouds rumbling in the distance as thunder booms.
"There's a storm coming." Remus says finally, tearing his eyes away from the bullets of rain that pound against the glass.
"It's already here."
For the first time, but certainly not the last Remus stares into Sirius' eyes and realizes they are the same color as the violent sky above them.
(dark dark dark and dangerous. no mercy in those eyes)
It sends a chill through his body.
.
If you ride like thunder, you're going to crash like lightning.
Someone had told him that. A long time ago.
Or maybe he had heard it in a movie.
Or read it in a book.
It doesn't matter. Either way.
It reminds him of Sirius, when he first encounters the phrase.
Only Sirius, who is like a storm himself.
(violent, unstable, unpredictable)
Leaving wreckage and bodies in his wake wherever he goes.
(there's a reason his animagus looks like the grim Remus thinks)
.
Sirius with his black black hair and storm gray eyes.
Clouds shielding him from the truth, from reality.
He doesn't live in Remus' world, or James'.
Somedays, Remus isn't even sure Sirius lives at all.
.
The rumors were always there.
Whispers in the hallway that followed him wherever he went.
Everywhere.
It was hard not to notice, but after the years he grew used to it. It just came along with being friends with Sirius Black.
Like a package deal at the grocery store.
(graham crackers and marshmallows, only $5.99, limited time only)
.
Insanity ran through his blood.
Sirius used to joke about it. That he could trace the insanity back just as far as his own blood.
Remus never once missed the dark look in James eye when the topic came up.
It was the same deal.
A package deal.
.
He can still remember the first time he realized his friend wasn't joking.
That he actually was insane.
There was no crazed laughter.
No full moon pranks.
No…nothing.
He was twelve. (Twelve for fucks sake.)
And there had been blood (please...please I don't want to die tonight) everywhere.
James was freaking out. (for once in his life, he had no control)
And Peter had passed out as soon as he saw (blood makes me queasy) Remus.
Sirius though, Sirius was just normal. Nothing new, nothing to see here. Let's move it along folks.
Until he looked at Remus.
Right at him.
Through him almost.
And Remus could see the storm brewing in his gray eyes.
"I'm going to kill him." Sirius told him. Voice calm and even as he moped the blood off the floor of the shack and his delicate pale fingers cleaned the wounds on his body. "For you, I'm going to kill him for you Remus."
Remus had known then, Fenir Grayback was a dead man.
And he for one, was grateful for it.
.
"This is a bad idea."
James says, arms folded as he stands in the doorway.
For James to acknowledge that, means something.
But he's not going to stop it, even though he could.
He's the only one that could.
(I'm never leaving you Padfoot. it's fate)
Sirius nods slowly.
It's raining. Just a slight drizzle but its picking up and Remus can smell the storm that's going to arrive.
(wet earth and electricity floating in the air)
He can see it too.
In Sirius' eyes.
Long thin fingers twirl the black wand around them. It's a nervous habit. Always has been.
But then it stops and Sirius pockets the wand and makes for the door.
James catches his arm at the last second, fingers digging in. (trying to hold on to something, something, something...he still not sure what)
"Sirius-" He chokes on his own words.
Tugging his arm free Sirius leaves without a sound.
And James lets him go.
(this isn't his fight)
Together they watch from the window as a dark shape moves across the grass, lightning illuminating the large black dog.
The grim, with death walking in its wake.
.
It wasn't a onetime thing.
It never would be.
Storms come and go.
And every time, people rebuild.
Patch things up and keep on going. Living.
Until the next wave of life comes and strikes them down.
.
The Prank.
And it deserved the capital letters, was awful. Traumatizing.
Made Remus rethink…everything.
It wasn't so much of a crash as it was a total annihilation of everything he thought he knew.
Thought he could trust.
It destroyed him.
And Sirius along with him.
(empty empty eyes. I'm done. I'm just done with everything James)
Really though, as he looks back on it.
He thinks he should have seen it coming.
All the signs. (fucking letters, fucking scars, fucking nightmares)
The build up. (glassy eyes. it hurts Prongs...it hurts so much)
James saw it. But he didn't expect…Snape. Or Remus.
(what the fuck were you thinking Padfoot? I wasn't. that's the problem)
He stopped it from being so much worse though.
And well….that has to count for something right?
.
If you ride like thunder, you're going to crash like lightning.
And Sirius did.
(over and over again. he never did learn. or maybe he just didn't want to stop)
They've patched things up.
Somewhat.
But the trust is gone, even though the friendship remains.
.
They leave school, finally.
And everyone seems, excited.
Except for Sirius.
He always did have to go against the flow didn't he?
(GRYFFINDOR! and that's when the whispers started)
.
Remus watches him closer than ever.
Thinking he learned his lesson, finally, after The Prank.
(it only years later that he realises that's impossible)
He watches and he waits.
The crash will come.
The lightning will come.
Sooner or later.
.
And maybe…maybe that's why he was so quick to believe.
So quick to judge.
(it was him. the dark lords right hand man)
.
Deep down though, he knew. Sirius Black would never, ever betray James Potter.
(he's...he's all I've got. I need him)
But he was waiting for the storm.
And when it happened he was whisked away along with everyone else.
In that storm of Sirius Black.
.
He thought that was the end of it.
Of everything.
James, dead.
Peter, dead.
Sirius, as good as dead.
Harry didn't even cross his mind, and he never really has time to feel guilty about that.
(you've got your mother's eyes)
But the storm isn't over.
It's never over with Sirius.
(I'll see you. not if I see you first)
.
The breakout astounds him.
He can't wrap his head around it.
He always knew, that together, Sirius and James could do the impossible.
(Potter and Black. you would have thought they were brothers)
And if James were still alive, this wouldn't have baffled him so.
But James was dead.
The dream team was gone.
Sirius couldn't do the impossible, not without his partner in crime.
Yet he did, had.
He was free.
Remus mistakes the pounding of his heart for fear.
(I'm not alone. I'm not alone. I'm not alone anymore)
.
The first time he meets Harry. Again that is.
(did you feel that? the baby kicked)
He thinks that maybe Sirius passed on his storm cloud nature to him.
But then he stares into those emerald eyes and James' face and remembers.
It's just a natural attraction to trouble.
Not destruction.
And while it's a fine line between the two…there is a difference.
.
The grim stalks the courtyards of Hogwarts again, for the first time in decades.
And…like always.
Death follows.
.
This time, there is no mistaking the storm. Or what it is.
The skies grown darker everyday.
As do Sirius' disposition.
.
There is no give in his gaze, and the sparks of insanity flow freely through his veins now.
It should bother Remus.
To watch as his friend, brother, decompose before his very eyes.
But it fascinates him instead.
He can finally see on the outside all that had gone on in the inside.
(you would know all about the madness withing wouldn't you Remus)
.
Rain pours against the concrete and Remus shivers.
His breath forming in soft wisps in front of him.
Sirius stands on the sidewalk.
Black mane of hair dripping, skin stretched tight against his bones.
He's still beautiful, just in a more tragic way now.
(think snow white crossed with a concentration camp)
Lightning flashes across the London skyline and Remus counts the second until the thunder.
Five, so roughly five miles.
"We should-"
But Sirius turns and the tumultuous storms of his eyes stop the words in Remus' throat.
Lightning flashes again, illuminating Sirius face and he is indeed insane.
(twelve. twelve years)
There is no other explanation.
"I'm sorry Remus."
He says, and there is a weight hanging on those words that Remus can't remove.
He almost asks "for what?"
But Sirius is gone, already inside the warm and dry, though not very welcoming house.
.
Harry's screaming.
And while part of Remus wants to scream too.
Yell and sob and just say fuck the world and follow Sirius into the unknown.
Like he used to follow him at school. When they were just children.
(it's an adventure. we won't get caught. I promise)
Another part of him wants to tell Harry to shut the fuck up!
Just shut up.
Because why is he screaming?
(why does he get to scream over this)
He knew him for what? Two bloody years? Three?
As opposed to a lifetime…
And it's then, that the weight of those words finally lifts and Remus grabs Harry.
Holding him back.
He's the only one left now.
The only one.
Alone.
.
But the storm…the storm isn't over.
It's not through with him yet.
And for once in his life.
For once, in his miserable too long life.
Remus Lupin in looking forward to it.
At the battle of Hogwarts, when the storm clouds come rolling in.
(fuck it. fuck you Dora. I'm going. I'm fighting)
He has a smile on his face.
If you ride like thunder, you're going to crash like lightning.
And it has never been so true.
.
.
.