Alfred yelps when the door he's been banging on continuously for the last five minutes swing open to reveal a very tall and very much half-naked guy. Sure, he hadn't worn his glasses when he'd sprinted out of the bathroom but he was sure that he knocked on the door that said 'Beilschmidt'. One hundred percent sure. Maybe. Possibly. Welp.
The guy (what was his name again? Ivan?) blinks down at him and then frowns, hiding a yawn behind his hand. "You look like a scared rabbit."
"I - uh, sorry, this was the wrong door?"
"Are you someone's secret bootycall?"
Alfred snaps his mouth shut and spends about ten awkward seconds trying to figure out if he is being fucked with or not before Ivan starts to laugh, slapping him on the shoulder. "Did you need help with anything?"
"Sort of?" Alfred smiles uneasily and motions towards his open door farther down the corridor, "there's a huge fucking spider in the bathroom and my brother just laughs at me when I ask him for help." Screw it. Gilbert was probably passed out anyway since he'd pulled an all-nighter yesterday, and this guy looked like he had the muscles for spider-killing.
Ivan shrugs and when Alfred takes a tentative step back into the corridor he follows and Alfred figures that some God somewhere has decided to show him mercy.
Once Alfred steps into his and Matthew's shared apartment his brother's hysterical laughter has died down and been replaced by the tell-tale tones of the parks and rec intro. When Alfred peeks inside Matthew's bedroom the asshole is one the bed, headphones on. Alfred briefly considers smacking him on the ass but then Ivan clears his throat and yeah, giant deadly spider. He forgot.
"Do you need something to kill it with? A flamethrower? We don't have one of those because Matthew claims I would misuse it."
Ivan quirks a brow but doesn't question the statement and Alfred feels a flutter in his chest because damn this man is hot. "Where is the bathroom?"
Literally three minutes later the spider is resting in spider heaven and Ivan is washing his hands in Alfred's tiny kitchen, looking like a gift from God. Alfred is so relieved he might cry and there is nothing this stranger could ask of him in payment he wouldn't give. Hell, he'd sell Matthew to be rid of the spider.
"Dude, whatever you ask, it's yours." Ivan keeps making those weirdly hot expressions whenever Alfred opens his mouth and he wonders if he's successfully flirting or maybe just making Ivan consider calling the police on him for being a major weirdo.
"I -"
"Woah Alfred, where have you been hiding this?" Satan emerges, Alfred thinks and sends Matthew a nasty glare that his brother lovingly accepts. Asshole. If Ivan hadn't considered calling the police before he definitely would now -
Ivan smiles. "If you two would invite me to dinner sometime that would be enough. I'm just a poor student who has to live on cup noodles far too often."
Matthew looks from Ivan to Alfred, who's doing a poor imitation of a human statue. "Sure, you could come over tomorrow?"
"It's a date." Ivan claps Alfred's shoulder and nods at Matthew before he leaves, leaving them both in stunned silence.