Disclaimer: I don't own Glee...
Blaine Anderson gave up on the world. People say he hates everything and everyone. No one knows the exact reason why he's so self-centred and bitter, he doesn't talk to anyone long enough to find out. But there's a rumour that it's to do with bullying and his family when he was growing up. That rumour is right.
Blaine Anderson was different. He knew that from a young age, but didn't understand it until he was in middle school. Blaine Anderson is gay. At the age of 14, he had his first huge crush on a guy. His best friend, Aaron McMullen.
-o0o-
Blaine looked up from his math homework and sighed. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. But there was a reason for that sigh. Aaron. Sitting across the table in Blaine's kitchen writing away, apparently oblivious the fact Blaine was staring at him. Aaron was Blaine's best friend. They met in 6th grade, and had been friends for nearly three years now. What no one knew was, Blaine was in love with Aaron. No one even knew he was gay yet. He didn't really understand it himself. He stared at Aaron. Messy blonde hair with probably the weirdest haircut you have ever seen, hair sticking out in different directions. His eyes blue, Blaine couldn't place the exact shade, but they were beautiful. And his lips. Blaine had been staring at them a lot. He just wanted to reach out and touch them. Whether with his fingers or with his own lips. They looked so soft and inviting.
"What did you get for question 12?" Aaron asked, not looking up, giving Blaine time to shake himself out of his bewildered state.
"I'm not even close to that question yet." Both boys laughed. Blaine loved to hear that laugh and to see that smile. At that point, Aaron looked up. Those beautiful, un-place-able eyes, were looking straight into Blaine's.
"I am so shit at math. Wanna take a break and go get some chocolate?"
"S-s-sure." Sometimes Blaine couldn't help but stutter, he mentally scolded himself for doing it though.
As the young boys were walking down the street, toward the shop that was only a couple blocks away, Blaine couldn't help but stare at Aaron's hand. Merely inches away. If Blaine wanted to, which he did, and if he had enough courage, which he didn't, he could reach out and hold it.
On their way out of the shop, pockets lined with sweets, Aaron grabbed Blaine's arm to stop him.
Blaine could hardly speak. Yes they were friends but they rarely made physical contact, mainly because Blaine found it had to concentrate on his surrounding when they did. The touch sent shivers down Blaine's spine and he couldn't help but wonder if Aaron felt a spark to.
"Blaine, I…um…" Aaron let go of Blaine's arm, much to Blaine's dismay, and started fidgeting with the sleeve of his shirt, looking anywhere but at Blaine.
"What is it?" Blaine asked, scared and excited at what Aaron was trying to say, his mind coming up with both: romantic "I love you's" and anger filled "I never want to see you again's".
Aaron took a deep breath, looked Blaine in the eyes and said, "I just wanted to take the opportunity, well… um, the chance to tell you… You are my best friend. I wanted you to know that and that I've got your back to matter what. And just in case anything happens next year, with us both being in different high schools, we may drift apart," Blaine couldn't help but pray that they wouldn't drift apart, "I will always be there to help you." Aaron and Blaine let out breaths that neither of them knew they were holding.
"Aaron that's s-s-such a… you're my best friend too. You mean so much to me. More than you know." The two boys smiled at each other and made their way back to Blaine's house. Blaine's head arguing with itself over whether he should tell Aaron that he's gay, or that he loves him. Right there and them, Blaine was sure that Aaron wouldn't judge him for it.
As they were walking towards Blaine's front door, he could see the silhouette of his mom through the kitchen window. He decided he needed to do this now, while they were alone and before the moment was ruined.
"A-a-aron?" Blaine asked. No, don't stutter now, this is important.
"Are you ok? You keep stuttering, when you stutter, you're nervous, I know that." Blaine's heart couldn't help but leap at the sound of the care in Aaron's voice.
"I'm fine, but I just want to say something before we go back inside, I don't want my mom to overhear."
"What's up?"
Ok, now Blaine. Just say it. Deep breaths, no stuttering, and say it.
"I'm g-g-g…" Blaine took one more deep breath and admitted, "I'm Gay."
There was an awkward silence between the boys. Blaine terrified as to what Aaron was thinking.
Finally Aaron spoke, "Well, I can't say I'm really surprised, what with all the musical theatre and bow-ties." Aaron finally looked at Blaine, "If that's you, that's cool."
Blaine couldn't help but smile, and sighed in relief. "I'm so glad you said that. But don't tell anyone, you're the first person I've told."
"It's fine dude, you can tell me anything." Aaron went to go back into the house, but Blaine spoke again.
"In that case, I've got something else to say." Blaine couldn't believe he was about to say it, his head was yelling at himself, telling him not to, but his heart and mouth were determined to betray him.
"What?" Blaine could tell that Aaron was worried now.
"When I said that I liked you more than you knew."
"Yeah?"
Oh my god. Blaine just say it, it's too late to turn back now. "I really… like you." Silence again.
It was a few seconds, though it felt like years, before Blaine saw the realisation spread across Aaron's beautiful eyes.
"Oh." Blaine was devastated. No, he didn't expect Aaron to return his love, but 'oh'? This was all his fault. If he just kept quiet, they would still be ok, they would still be friends, and Blaine could just continue with dying inside day after day.
Suddenly Blaine was brought back to reality by the feeling of Aaron's lips on his own. He was shocked. Aaron kissed him. Aaron was kissing him. Blaine was right, Aaron's lips were soft. Aaron's hands moved onto Blaine's waist. Blaine, who was slightly taller than Aaron, put his hand on Aaron's neck and tilted his head so as to deepen the kiss. Their lips were moving together, getting more passionate as time went on. The boys were pressed right up against each other, with Blaine's hands in Aaron's hair. This was Blaine's first kiss, and it was more than he could ask for.
Desperately needing oxygen, the boys parted. Blaine smiled and looked at Aaron, and saw regret written across his face. Aaron pushed Blaine away. Blaine's heart sank. He just had the most amazing kiss ever, and now the boy he loved was literally pushing him away.
"I'm so sorry." Aaron said as his hand travelled up to cover his mouth. Blaine's lips were tingling, so he assumed Aaron's were too. After the kiss all Blaine wanted, no needed, to do was kiss him again. But with the look on Aaron's face, almost disgusted, he couldn't.
"Blaine," Aaron started, Blaine already knew this wasn't going to be good "I'm sorry, but… I can't do this." Blaine was right, this wasn't good, it was devastating.
"But, you kissed me." Blaine said lamely, still out of breath and desperately thinking of any reason why Aaron could and should do this, but there were no valid arguments.
"I shouldn't have. Look Blaine. I do like you. But I can't like you. You are the only guy I like, like that, but it's wrong."
Blaine was appalled, "You said that if this is me, then that's fine-"
"It is. You be who you are. But I can't be. My family are very religious, strict and unashamedly homophobic. They're horrible people, but I swear I'm not, I hate to hear them saying horrid things about people because of their heritage or their sexuality, but that doesn't mean I can disobey them."
"You're not making any sense."
"I am straight. I'm sorry, but I have to be straight. And I'm fine with that, so you have to be too."
Blaine couldn't believe what he was hearing, but based on the look on Aaron's face, the worst was yet to come.
"Blaine," Aaron said his voice devoid of emotion, "I don't think we should hang out as much anymore. If my parents find out that you're gay, they won't want me seeing you and if I see you I-"
Blaine was in tears now, "You will what?" he was angry, the boy he loved had kissed him and was now essentially dumping him.
"I won't be able to stop myself. I won't be able to convince myself that I'm straight… Which I have to." Blaine was speechless, no longer angry at Aaron, but at Aaron's parents.
Aaron stepped forward and kissed Blaine again. Just as forceful as before, but his time filled with anger instead of love. They broke apart, both gasping for air.
"I have to go." Aaron said, leaning in to kiss Blaine one last time, but Blaine turned his head so that Aaron caught his cheek instead of his lips. With one more shocked, disappointed and apologetic look, Aaron was gone, not even thinking of all his school stuff still sitting on Blaine's kitchen table.
Blaine stood there, reliving the past few minutes. Feeling more emotions in that short space of time then he had ever felt in his life. The tears were really flowing now.
Before he knew it, Blaine was running up stairs, hearing his mother asking question that he, at the moment, couldn't care less about. He slammed the door to his room and collapsed on the bed. Heartbroken.
-o0o-
So now Blaine Anderson was heartbroken and angry. He refused to see or talk to anyone. The only time he socialised with anyone was when he threw Aaron's stuff back at him, despite the apologies Aaron kept repeating.
When summer arrived, Blaine's parents, worried with no idea of what was wrong or how to help their son, turned to their oldest son, Cooper Anderson.
-o0o-
"Hey squirt, long time no see." Cooper Anderson practically shouted as he strutted into his younger brother's room.
"Cooper! What are you doing here?" Blaine asked excitedly, sitting bolt upright in bed, before remembering that he wasn't talking to anyone. He rarely saw his brother anymore, and when he did he didn't really talk to him, much to Blaine's dismay. Blaine couldn't help but think Cooper had an ulterior motive.
"I came to see my favourite little brother!"
"You're only little brother-"
"That too."
Blaine laughed. He hadn't laughed since that night with Aaron. He was almost happy until his mind drifted back to Aaron. He hadn't talked to anyone about it. No one else knew he was gay, he couldn't talk to anyone.
"Now," Cooper said, expression serious, "talk to me."
"I am talking to you." Blaine replied, he resorted to sarcasm when he didn't want to talk about something and Cooper was very aware of this fact. Blaine collapsed, lying down, trying to ignore his brother.
"Sarcasm eh? We both know what that means." Cooper jumped onto the bed and lay next to Blaine, "Please."
Blaine's mind was racing. He swore he wouldn't tell anyone what happened or about himself because of how it went with Aaron, but this was Cooper. Cooper always had a way of making him talk. If Cooper wanted to know, well, that meant he cared about Blaine. And that's all Blaine really wanted from his brother. He decided that if he couldn't tell Cooper he couldn't tell anyone. And if he didn't tell anyone, then he'd just be miserable for the rest of his life.
"OK. But this isn't just a little problem, so brace yourself." Blaine said as he sat up and crossed his legs.
"I'm ready, just tell me, I'm here to help." Cooper said as he mirrored the position Blaine was in.
"Ok.", Blaine took a deep breath, much like last time he told someone this. "Cooper, you have to promise not the freak out and also promise not to tell anyone about this, it's my thing to tell."
"I promise." Cooper said, worry appearing in his eyes.
"I'm gay." Blaine was surprised at how easy it was to actually say those words, almost too quickly. Cooper was silent, and Blaine wasn't surprised. He just sat a waited for Cooper to respond, the longer he waited the more he thought his brother might be homophobic, he just never knew.
"Well I'll admit, I'm not surprised." Cooper said slowly, carefully thinking of what to say next. "Ok."
Blaine loved his brother, but that response was just asking for trouble, "Ok?"
"Don't you want me to ok with it?" Cooper said, smirking.
"Ok course I do, but when I told Aaron-"
"A-ha!" Cooper shouted triumphantly. Damn. Blaine should have realised what Cooper was doing. He didn't know whether he should laugh or shout at his brother.
"So…" Cooper said, expecting Blaine to simply tell him everything after his ingenious, spy-like, technique.
"So what?" Blaine tried to ignore Cooper again, but there was no use. Blaine might as well tell Cooper everything, he would end up telling him one way or another and this way was the quickest.
"Who's Aaron?"
"A friend."
"Just a friend or more..?" Cooper was getting really excited, because he lived in LA he learned to love gossip.
"It's complicated." And so Blaine told Cooper the whole story: his crush on Aaron, the kiss and what Aaron said after. Hating that he had to relive it again.
"Wow. No wonder you were depressed."
"Great way to help Cooper, I feel so much better now!" Blaine resorted back to sarcasm, not really knowing where to go from here.
"Have you told anyone else?"
"What about Aaron or the whole gay thing?"
"Both."
"Nope. Just you and… well… Aaron." Every time Blaine was forced to say Aaron's name, he felt his heart break a little more.
"Well, all I can say about Aaron," Blaine realised hearing his name hurt just as much, "is you have to move on. You can't make someone change their mind about these things, and whether or not Aaron turns out to be gay, well that's something he has to deal with on his own. Leave him to deal with his own issues, but if he comes back to you, don't take him back."
"What makes you think I would want him back anyway?"
"The way you described that kissed told me everything I need to know."
"Fine. I'll cut him out of my life, but I don't see how that's going to help."
"It will."
Blaine wasn't really looking for advice on Aaron, he wanted to get to the more important, confusing, suffocating part of the problem. "What about the other problem?"
"Well," Blaine could see that Cooper was having more trouble coming up with advice for this. But decided not to focus on that, "Either keep it secret. A stupid idea if you ask me, but just letting you know there's an option B."
"Dually noted."
"Or, the better option, tell everyone."
Blaine's eyes widened, he didn't know what other option Cooper could have given him, but he was shocked nonetheless. "I can't, we live in Ohio, and things like this aren't widely accepted here."
"Again, you're choice, but I really think you need to do this. At least tell mom and dad."
They were the two people Blaine wanted to tell the least. Just as Aaron was denying himself because of his parents, Blaine knew his parents wouldn't approve and would possible even hate him. He couldn't handle that. "You know as well as I do that they won't approve." No matter how much he tried to deny it, Blaine knew he had to tell them.
"I'll be right there, by your side, to help."
Before he knew it, Blaine was standing in front of his parents, Cooper standing behind him at a close enough desistance so that Blaine could feel he was there for him, but far away enough so that Blaine was in fact doing this by himself. His father looked aggravated, and Blaine knew that all he wanted to do was get back to work. His mother was smiling sweetly at him, oh how Blaine would miss that smile.
"Ok, sir..." Blaine's father grunted in response, "and mom," she nodded, "I have to tell you something." Blaine took a deep breath. The third time he was telling someone this, but it didn't get any easier. "I've been discovering different things about myself recently, some things small like how I enjoy writing or how I actually like math," where on earth was Blaine going with this?
"If that's what you interrupted my work for-"
"Other things bigger and more important." Harold Anderson did not look pleased at being interrupted by his son, but let him continue, "I… am…" Ok so far everyone's been fine with it. Yes, everyone is two people but that's not the point, "I'm gay." Unlike the last two times, when there was silence after the revelation, Blaine's father stood up straight away and shouted.
"What?" Blaine stumbled back, reaching Cooper, "You're going to take a minute, boy, to think and realise that you're wrong. No son of mine will be corrupt!" Blaine could feel the tears coming.
"You can't say something like that," Cooper said, stepping in front of Blaine, "You have to support him!"
"I don't have to do any such thing Cooper." Harold pushed Cooper aside and kicked Blaine in the shin, causing him to collapse to his feet in pain.
"Harold!" Edith Anderson exclaimed.
"Oh come on Edith, you can't possibly be alright with this!" Harold said, anger rising even higher.
"Of course not Harold, but this isn't the way to do it." She bent down and helped her son up, "I'll help him, and I'll ask Mrs Henderson for advice, her son had the same issue. But now he's healthy again. Married, to a girl, with two kids." Harold grunted, he trusted his wife and her judgement. Cooper stood there in silence, wanting to speak out for the sake of his brother, but knew that if he did, Blaine might get hurt again.
As Edith was helping Blaine up the stairs, and back to his room, she made it very clear of her plan to 'help' him.
"We'll have to start going to church every Sunday, getting some sense into you might help you out of this phase." Blaine was shocked that his own mother thought that he needed help, that he would get of the apparent phase he was in. "I know your father believes that violence would help, we may have to resort to that, I know Mrs Henderson did." Her tone was as if she were talking about the weather or what they should have for dinner, but every word cut Blaine like a knife. Blaine couldn't say anything. What could he possibly say at a time like this?
"Don't you worry dear," Edith said, as she sat her 'troubled' son down on the bed, "I will fix you."
-o0o-
He was made to go to church every week, but he refused to listen to what they told him. His father took to hitting him if he showed any 'sighs of his ailment', but he refused to let it get to him. He was taken to meet Mrs Henderson and her son, but wouldn't let them change him. He saw that Mrs Henderson's son was miserable, and Blaine didn't want to end up like that. Sure he was miserable now, but when he grew up he could be himself, and he would be happy.
The only person that helped was Cooper. When Cooper went back to LA, Blaine would call him every day, and Cooper would gladly listen to his little brother, shocked at what his parents were doing to him. Cooper promised him, that as soon as Blaine turned 18, he could live with Cooper, and be who he wanted to be. But Blaine still had to get through the whole of high school, and that's when he reached his breaking point.
-o0o-
It was November, and Blaine was in his sophomore year at high school. Blaine had spent his freshman year at Dalton Academy because it's an excellent, academic, school, if you can afford it. Blaine's family could afford it. But after one year, with no luck at the 'fixing Blaine' front, they gave up and just started ignoring him. His father still hit him sometimes, but he was used to it. His parent's no longer wanted to spend that much money on a 'son like that', especially when he spent his time singing. So they transferred him to a public school.
And that's when he saw Aaron McMullen. They hadn't seen each other for over a year, and hadn't talked since that night, but now there he was. He knew that Aaron went to this school, but he hadn't seen him the whole two months Blaine had been there. Aaron was just as handsome, with his hair short now, but eyes just as beautiful. He had grown a lot, now taller than Blaine. He was wearing a letterman jacket. Blaine couldn't tell nor care what sport, all he knew was: Aaron looked hot.
As Blaine was staring, he saw a girl go up to Aaron and kiss him, and that reopened the scars that Aaron had left Blaine with. Aaron had a girlfriend. He either did turn out straight, or was pretending for everyone else's sake. Either way, it hurt Blaine to see him like this.
The girl walked off and next thing he knew, Blaine had been shoved against the lockers next to him by a passing jock. He fell to the floor, it had been happening a lot lately. Getting pushed into lockers. It should of hurt, but Blaine didn't really feel pain anymore.
Then Aaron was there. He helped Blaine up and smiled. Blaine wanted to smile back, seeing his old friend again was nice, but he had to remind himself of what Aaron did.
"Hey, long time no see." Aaron said smiling.
Blaine didn't know how to respond. He could barely speak, "Y-y-yeah. How are you?"
"Fine. Um… I need to talk to you."
"About your girlfriend." There was silence between the two boys.
"How did you know?"
"I have eyes Aaron, I can see when a girl walks up and kisses you."
"You were looking at me?" Aaron said smirking.
Blaine chose to ignore him and continued talking, "Congratulations, I hope you're happy." Blaine went to leave but then Aaron spoke.
"I'm not." Blaine froze. "I missed you Blaine. I still like you. You look so different, but still so amazing."
No. not again. You can't go through this again Blaine. "I still like you too." What are you doing?
"So, do you want to get a coffee with me?" Blaine's heart was beating fast. He went to speak but was shoved into the lockers again, by a different jock.
"What was that for Karofsky?" Blaine was glad that Aaron was defending him, but was still shocked as to what was happening.
"You shouldn't be hanging around this homo, McMullen; you might catch whatever he's got. We've already got enough fairy dust around here." And without another word the jock called Karofsky, walked off.
Blaine was speechless. He hadn't told anyone at this school that he was gay. He decided against it. At Dalton there was an anti-bulling policy and he could be who he was, but he knew he wasn't as safe. The only person in the school who knew, was Aaron.
"Aaron." Aaron looked worried, he could tell that Blaine was figuring it out. "Did you tell someone that I was gay." The last bit was said in a whisper, even though apparently, everyone knew.
"It's not what you think." Aaron reached out to put his hand on Blaine's shoulder, but Blaine moved out of the way.
"Then what is it?" Blaine was getting angry now, sure he and Aaron weren't really friends anymore, but that doesn't mean Aaron had the right to tell people about Blaine.
"Look they were talking about the 'losers' in this school, and when they mentioned you, I tried to defend you, but then they were questioning me and it just slipped out." It was clear that Aaron was sorry, but Blaine wasn't prepared to forgive him.
"Who's 'they'?"
"The rest of the football team. Look I'm sorry-"
"And everyone knows now?" Blaine was determined to get to the point and just leave.
"I think so, yes." Aaron had given up trying to defend himself.
"Right." Blaine was sure it was too late to do anything and that the next three years of his life would be hell. He knew what he had to do. "I don't think I'll be talking to you again."
"What? Why?"
"You break my heart. When I get over it, come back to me again and then tell everyone I'm gay so that my life would be a living hell." Blaine was shouting now, but he didn't care who could see him.
"I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."
"Goodbye Aaron." Blaine turned to leave, only to receive a face full of ice, a pain that he had never felt before, as three jocks threw slushies at him and pushed him to the ground. Blaine looked at Karofsky and the other laughing jocks that accompanied him. He looked at the other students around him, looking at him in disgust, and then back to Aaron. Despite the fact the bell for the next lesson had rang, Blaine ran off to the nearest boy's bathroom.
When he got there, the tears came. He cried, washed his face, then cried some more. He looked at himself in the mirror, a mess, and that's when he realised.
His life at school was hell now. His only friend ruined his life twice. His family, who should be people he could go to for help now, do the exact same thing as the bullies in this school. Saying he deserves the pain. That the more people hurting him, the more likely he'll 'get better'. And the only person on his side lives the other side of the country.
He can't trust anyone. No one will help him. They ruin his life. Why should he give a shit about any of them?
With one more, angry, look in the mirror, he had decided: He lives for himself, and only himself.
-o0o-
So now we reach the present day.
Blaine Anderson lives with his brother Cooper. He doesn't like nor trust anyone except his brother. He doesn't give anyone a chance to prove him otherwise. He set aside any and all dreams he had of singing and now teaches history at William McKinley High School. He hates teaching: the subject and the students. But what can he do?
Blaine Anderson lives his life, day to day, exactly the same. But what happens when he is forced to actually relive the same day over and over until he gets it right?
The most important day in his life.
Thank you for reading.
If I've made any mistakes (Spelling, Grammar or American-isms) let me know.