Fullmetal Parodies Chapter 1- Fourth of July PSA

Disclaimer- The following is a non-profit fanfiction. I do not own anything.

The scene starts as the camera zooms in on a man wearing a blue military uniform, and a teen with a red coat. The man in blue smiles and says, "Hi. My name is Roy Mustang from the popular anime, Fullmetal Alchemist."

"And I'm Edward Elric from the same show," Ed says. "Today, we're here to talk about-"

"I'm here! I'm here!" a voice yelled from offstage. Suddenly, a suit of armor ran up beside them. "Sorry I'm late!"

A look of irritation was seen on Roy's face. "Alphonse, what the hell!?"

"Huh?"

"You were supposed to be painted white so we would be red, white, and blue! This isn't very patriotic!"

"That reminds me," Ed said. "Why are we doing this again?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, we're not in America for starters. We're in Amestris. We don't even have Independence Day here."

"...Shut up. You're doing this or you're not getting paid."

"We're not getting paid either way," Al chimed in.

"You're not helping! Read your lines for once, and don't screw up! Now where was I? Oh yeah. Hi. My name is Roy Mustang. And these two boys are the Elric brothers, Edward and Alphonse Elric."

"Wait a second. Why do you get to introduce yourself, but we can't introduce ourselves?"

"Not cool, Mustang. Not cool at all."

"STICK TO THE SCRIPT OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MAKE BOTH OF YOU DISINTEGRATE! Now as I was saying a very popular holiday is coming up soon. It's called the Fourth of July, or as it's more commonly known as, Independence Day."

"Most of you will probably take this opportunity to enjoy your wiener," Ed said.

"I wish I could!" Al shouted.

"But the real reason we celebrate the Fourth of July isn't for the food or the fun or even the picnics and nonstop binge drinking."

"What?"

"Theres only one true reason we celebrate this very important day. It's to have a lot of explosions."

"Hooray! Fireworks day!"

"Kick ass! I've still got three fingers left from last year!"

"So, in preparation for the big day, we have assembled a short list of safety tips to hopefully make your holiday explosions both safe and enjoyable for your whole family. Lets watch as Ed and Al demonstrate some common mistakes to avoid, when handling fireworks."

"This will most likely end up physically and mentally damaging me beyond repair isn't it?"

Safety Tip #1: Never play with fireworks indoors

"Hey there brother!" Al said to his brother. "Check out this awesome sparkler! It is even more fun, because we are playing with it, inside!"

"Wait, that's not a sparkler! That's a grenade!"

"Don't worry. We are completely safe. All of the doors are locked from the outside, so we cannot escape! Oh wait a minute..."

KABOOM!

Safety Tip #2: Never play with fireworks near an open flame

"Hey there brother!" Al said as he stood in front of grill, wearing an apron that said 'KISS THE COOK'. "How do you like your meat? Well done, or pink and juicy?"

"I'll take that fuzzy glowing hamburger please."

"Hey, that's not a hamburger! That's a grenade!"

"I know! I switched them when you weren't looking! Maybe I shouldn't have done that..."

KABOOM!

Safety Tip #3: Never put fireworks in your pants

"Hey there brother! Have you seen my grenade?"

"Yes! I put it in my pants! Wait..."

KABOOM!

Safety Tip #4: Never aim fireworks at your friends

"Hey there brother! Whats that you have in your hands!?" Al shouts from a distance.

"Its my new flare gun! Wanna try it out!?"

"Totally! Just don't point it directly at me when firing it!"

"Ok! And I promise I won't forget whatever it is you just said!" Everything is silent... And then Ed accidentally fires the gun when it's pointed at his younger brother. "Sorry! I forgot what you said!"

KABOOM!

"Ok!" Roy said. "And end scene! Now I hope you all learned a lot about fireworks, and maybe even a little bit about yourself."

Behind him, Ed and Al accidentally activate a grenade. "Oh crap!" Ed said.

"This is bad!" Al said.

"Running time!" Ed drops the grenade next to Mustang, and the two brothers run away.

"Oh yeah! I almost forgot to mention the most important safety tip! If you have children, or even very stupid adults around, never ever let them play with fireworks, without proper supervision." After that, he finally hears the hissing sound of the grenade next to him. "Hey, whats that noise?"

KABOOM!

"ELRIC!"

"Envy did it!"

"What are you talking about!?" Envy called from offstage. "I wasn't even in this chapter!"

"Happy fireworks day everybody!"