Bleach: Eternal Warrior

Chapter 1

As I turned off my television, I sighed deeply, dropping my head right on the desk it was placed on. After a minute of me sulking of the soon to be bruise, My ocean blue eyes glanced at my clock. It was 12:30, meaning Bleach, my favorite anime, was over for the week. How I wished the Soul Society, Hollows, and especially Soul Reapers were real. And Arrancars as long as I could stick my hand through their unneeded hole. But something like that will happen as soon as the people in New Orleans will finish cleaning up from Hurricane Katrina. Seven years and they still aren't done! No wonder we're called The Fat City. Back to the main story line. No matter how much I wish for them to be real, like hell that shat will happen.

I lay myself in my comfy bed, my brown-black hair spreading across the pillow and within seconds fell into a deep sleep about strawberry jam-filled marshmallows(My note: Those little pimps are good!) only to be interrupted an hour later by loud sounds outside my window. I couldn't help but think 'Oh my compass! What if it's Soul Reapers and Hollows fighting I'm gonna bust a cap laughing if the Soul Reaper gets eaten~' But decided to go with a more realistic thought process: 'It must be gang members come to fight outside my window, hoping I will see them and come save them and, as a pity ticket, I will buy their Mary, Juan, and Ana which they actually poisoned and I'll die on the spot and they'll take my body somewhere but actually, the poison makes me go all Juliet on them and I wake up from the poison and totally pwn them! Yeah! Pimp slap like a mofo!' Yes. That was more realistic. Especially the part about you actually having money to buy their marijuana.

I shoved my two thoughts in the back of my head and slowly rose from my bed and walked to the window and moved the blinds so I wasn't...blind...(Get it? No? Okay...) and peered outside.

…

It wasn't the gang-Juliet-poison thought that was shown to be correct. It was-"WHO THE HELL DARES COSPLAY IN MY FRONT YARD! I JUST PLANTED GARDANIAS! BITCHES!" I screamed to myself, turning to my closet and reaching for my sword at the top of it($12.99 from ebay. Score Bruv!) and speed-walked outside to confront the cosplayers.

"Hey! You two! Get ready for a cliché scene where I find out that you two actually aren't cosplayers and I find sthat the hollow behind the soul reaper is a real hollow and I totally pwn it like Chef Boyarde!" I yelled to the two men...if the hollow was a man, as I stood there, hands on my hips.

"You do realize you just spoiled the plot for your important scene right?" The soul reaper, who I realized after looking at him after a while was Ukitake Juushiro, Squad 13 captain, sighed, turning to me.

"The reader would have never realized it. But noooo. You had to go and point it out! At least I don't point out the fact that your hair is totally not naturally that color silver." I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest.

Ukitake looked at me with a slightly annoyed glance. "Little girl. This is my natural hair color. Where would I even get silver hair dye?" He inquired, taking a step towards me, completely ignoring the hollow.

I thought for awhile, tapping my chin and looking up and it finally came to me. "Sharpie bruv." I answered with a thumbs up. "It can dye yo' hair and the only drug your parents let you buy."

Third P.O.V Boiiiii

Ukitake stared at the girl, wondering if she was an idiot or if she acted this way when she was half couldn't believe she was joking when she said these things because she looked so serious saying them.

"Anyway. Since the readers already know what is going to happen thanks to the apparent heroine-

"I DON'T DO DRUGS!"

"I'll pretend to get a leg cramp and let you take over and kill this hollow." He said, moving to the side so the girl could kill the hollow.

"But...WHAT IF IT KILLS ME! I DON'T WANNA DIE BROSKI. I STILL NEED TO BE INVITED TO A COOL PERSON PARTY!" She whinned, looking from Ukitake to the hollow.

"Don't worry." He reassured with a smile.

"You... think I can-"

"You would never get invited to a party so you dying doesn't matter." He finished, still smiling.

"Hey hollow-san~ I'll let you live if you kill Gramps over there." She whispered to the hollow, nudging her head at Ukitake.

"I can hear you..."

"Oh my gosh. Are you Jesus?"

"Just let the hollow eat you already."

"Yes. My rordo." the girl replied, turning to the hollow and putting both her hands on her swords hilt. "Fatality!" She screamed, jumping in the air and slicing the hollow in half.

Wouldn't it be nice if that actually happened? Here's what actually happened: She ran at the hollow, screaming "Please don't kill me." and ended up somehow slicing it's arm off, which somehow killed it.

"They don't call me the heroine for nothing you knowin'?" She asked to noone in particular while giving another thumbs up and one eye closed.

"You...Who are you?" After that confusing battle scene, it's only natural for Ukitake to want to know who she is.

"Aphrodite Pimpmaster 5000 Lord yo." She answered, trying to sound cool.

"I'm taking you to the Soul Society." He decided, grabbing Aphrodite's wrist and dragging her with him.

"Wait a minute!" She stopped and statched back her hand. "I'll go with you to the Soul Society, but let me have tomorrow to get ready."

Ukitake was going to insist she come now, but decided to give up, knowing she would bring up something pointless again.

"Fine. I will return tomorrow at midnight." He stated before leaving. It was then that it finally sunk in. "Holy Beelzebub! Soul Reapers ectica are real and I get to become a boss like them. Pimpin'!"

And this is the Heroine.

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