Cold Hard Cash - Chapter One "Finder's Keepers"
In haste, a lone figure flees like a wild animal from a cage, clutching onto a small cardboard box for dear life. Looking over his shoulder every other second, making sure he isn't being pursued, if he is caught, it will mean the end of his life. He has nowhere to go, and he has nowhere to hide, but perhaps there is someplace he can hide his prized possession. After nearly wearing himself out, the young man ran into a quiet suburban neighborhood, figuring this would be the last place anyone would look for anything. After setting his sights on the large, well maintained house down the road, with the red roof, and white picket fence outside, he made his way over to the front door.
"You've caused me nothing but misfortune, and humiliation!" The man said, to the box as he dropped it on the front step. "If I don't know where you are... they don't know where you are..."
Looking over his shoulders again, the man took off in a flash, never bothering to return to the house of which he dropped his box, all the while inside the house, it's business as usual.
"Alvin, will you please leave me alone?" Simon asked, in frustration. "I need to concentrate on my automatic laundry folding machine..."
"All I'm asking for is a lousy ten bucks!" Alvin said.
"You'll get nothing from me." Simon said, sternly.
"What?" Alvin responded. "Ten bucks! You can't spare your own brother, your own flesh and blood, a mere ten bucks?"
Simon sighed, and rummaged through his pocket before he pulled out a small slip of paper, and handed it to his older brother.
"What's this?" Alvin asked, observing the paper.
"Your tab..." Simon said.
"Tab?"
"See that thirty five at the bottom?"
"Yeah... so?"
"That's how much money you still owe," Simon said, "until you make good on your word that you'll pay me back what you owe me, you're getting no more from me."
"I told you I'm good for it!" Alvin insisted.
"Everyone who believes that, stand on your head." Simon said, sarcastically.
Alvin crumpled up the piece of paper, tossed it at Simon's head, and stormed up the stairs from the basement, muttering with each step. Once upstairs, Alvin casually slipped into the kitchen, where his youngest brother, Theodore, was making himself a collosal sandwiched at the counter.
"Theodore!" Alvin called out, happily.
Theodore was startled by Alvin's outburst, so much in fact, he nearly knocked over his sandwiched, but saved it just in time.
"How are you doing Theodore, buddy? Pal? Chum? Lil' bro?" Alvin asked, sweetly.
"Um... you're not up to something, are you Alvin?" Theodore asked, hesitantly.
"Why do you ask?" Alvin asked, wrapping an arm around Theodore's shoulders.
"Because anytime you try to butter me up, you're always up to something." Theodore said.
"Me? Buttering you up? Never!" Alvin said. "You're already as sweet as they come, you don't need buttering up... you're always ready to lend someone a helping hand when they need it the most."
"Well..." Theodore said, unsure as to whether or not that was a complement.
"And speaking of needy, how about lending your favorite big brother ten dollars?" Alvin asked.
"Which one?" Theodore asked.
"What do you mean which one?" Alvin asked.
"Well, I have two favorite big brothers!" Theodore said with a smile, knowing he could never really choose favorites between Alvin and Simon.
"Oh brother..." Alvin mumbled, under his breath. "Let me put it to you this way, can you lend me ten dollars?"
"Sure I can!" Theodore said.
"Thanks, Theodore!" Alvin squealed, holding out his hands.
"But I don't have ten dollars at the moment, I already spent the money I was saving up for my new super deluxe chocolate fondue maker." Theodore said. "Why don't you ask Simon?"
"Simon turned on me." Alvin said, in a pouting tone, hoping to gain Theodore's sympathy.
"Oh..." Theodore said, "then, why not ask Dave?"
"You think I want Dave to know I'm blowing money on Roberta?" Alvin asked, before quickly slapping his hands over his mouth.
"Roberta?" Theodore asked. "The new girl at school?"
Alvin darted his eyes back and forth. "I uh... I was... going to buy her... uh... a... a school warming present?"
"School warming?" Theodore asked, in confusion.
"Yeah," Alvin lied, "you know how when people move into a new house, their loved ones get them a house warming present? I was going to buy Roberta a school warming present!"
"Oh, how nice!" Theodore said. "Well, surely Dave would loan you ten dollars for that, wouldn't he?"
Alvin rolled his eyes, while Theodore went back to making his sandwich. "You have been a big help, Theodore." Alvin mumbled, as he trudged out of the kitchen.
"Anytime!" Theodore said, happily.
Alvin blew air out of his mouth in frustration, as he opened the front door, he decided if he couldn't get money from his brothers, and wouldn't dare ask Dave for a handout, he'd go next door and charm Brittany with empty promises to get money from her. No sooner did Alvin step foot outside the door, did he fall over an object on the front porch. Alvin picked himself up, and leaned over to observe the box. "Probably another care package for Dave..." Alvin deduced, when he picked up the box, and brought it into the living room. Alvin dropped the box on the coffee table, and prepared to head out again, before he stopped and realized something. "Oh, it must be that subscription of comic books I ordered six weeks ago!" Alvin raced back over to the box, ripped the tape off the top, and opened it up, expecting to be met with the face of his favorite cartoon characters, but instead found money. A lot of money. More money than he could even count. Alvin jaw dropped, and his eyes widened. Where did the money come from, he wondered, but not for long, because as far as he was concerned, finder's keepers, and he was rich. Filthy rich. Alvin stuck his head into the box, and took a big whiff of the money, to him, it was the aroma of mansions, yachts, friends, and anything else he could think of to spend it on. A short time later, Alvin snuck the box up to his room, where he went to work dividing some of the money. "Here's the thirty five I owe to Simon... he's the three dollars Dave needs me to earn for him to put into the household repairs that weren't really my fault anyway... here's fifty I owe Brittany for the past three years..." Shortly thereafter, Alvin went back down into Simon's lab, and slowly began waving money in front of Simon's eyes.
"Couldn't sponge off me, so you took advantage of poor Theodore?" Simon asked, with a sigh.
"Nope," Alvin said, cooly, "this is the thirty five bucks I owe you."
"Don't kid yourself, Alvin." Simon said, growing annoyed.
"Here! Count it yourself!" Alvin said, as he shoved it down Simon's shirt collar.
Simon pulled the money out of his shirt, and slowly counted it. He couldn't believe it, it hadn't been five minutes when he refused to loan Alvin anymore money because he still owed him thirty five dollars. In disbelief, Simon counted the money again, very carefully. Thirty five dollars. "It's here!" Simon said, astounded, "it's all here!"
"Of course!" Alvin said.
"What, do you have your own secret printing press upstairs? Let me see this..." Simon walked over to his desk, and pulled out a special marker from his pencil cup, and proceeded to mark each of the bills his brother handed him. "They're real! Where did you get this?!"
"Ask me no more questions, I'll tell you no more lies!" Alvin said, as he made his way back upstairs. Within a matter of seconds, Theodore had two thirds of his huge sandwich eaten, when Alvin walked up to him. "Hey Theodore, how would you like to make an extra ten dollars?"
"How?" Theodore asked. "Take up a paper route?"
"Nope." Alvin said, "just tell me how great it is having me as a brother!"
"How great it is having you for a brother?" Theodore asked, for a confirmation.
"Aw Theodore, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me!" Alvin said, as he shook Theodore's hand, releasing the ten dollar bill. "Well, I'm off!" Alvin left the kitchen.
"Wow... easiest ten dollars I ever made..." Theodore said, just as Simon walked in. "Hey Simon? It sure is great having you for a brother!"
"Thank you Theodore, I like having you as a brother too," Simon said, "have you seen Alvin?"
"He just gave me ten dollars for saying have great it is to have him for a brother!"
"What? Never mind... he just paid me back the thirty five dollars he owes me."
"Maybe Alvin came into a large inheritance?" Theodore deduced.
"He certainly came into something..." Simon said, growing suspicious.
Moments later, Alvin was handing Brittany fifty dollars.
"What'd you do? Rob a bank?" Brittany asked.
"Would I do such a thing?" Alvin asked. "Don't answer that!" Just then, Alvin walked over to Eleanor. "Here's what I owe you after losing that bet at last Friday night's basketball game." Then, Alvin finally handed some money to Jeanette. "I'm sorry I said your new school picture made you look like a doofus, here's ten to forget the whole thing."
"Um... I'd be happy with just the sorry." Jeanette said.
"How come your suddenly paying us back, Alvin?" Eleanor asked.
"Eh, why put it off any longer?" Alvin asked.
"Well, all I can say is, it's about time!" Brittany said, as she took her scrunchie off of her ponytail, slipped it up to her thigh, and slipped the money into it, while her sisters watched in embarrassment.
"Well, I'm off," Alvin said, as he headed out the door, once again, "don't forget to bring all your banking needs to the Alvin Seville Savings and Loan."
Finally, later that evening, Alvin handed Dave three one dollar bill. "That should cover the household expenses."
"Alvin, the understanding was that the three dollars was coming out of your allowance," Dave said, leery of Alvin's intentions, "I hope you're not going to tell me you borrow this from one of your brothers to avoid losing even a small fraction of your allowance."
"Don't worry Dave, I didn't borrow anything from them!" Alvin said.
"Then, where did this come from?" Dave asked.
"From my allowance." Alvin lied.
Dave glanced at Alvin. "So, you think by going ahead and giving me three dollars from what you've already saved will make me change my mind about giving you a three dollar short allowance this month?"
"Uh... yeah..."
"Nice try Alvin," Dave said, giving Alvin the money back, "by I've made my decision, and I'm sticking with it, now run along."
Alvin shrugged. "Suit yourself." Alvin made his way upstairs to his bedroom, little knowing that his brothers were already in there, looking around for evidence as to where Alvin suddenly got all of this money from.
"Well, the only place we haven't looked is under his bed." Simon said, as Theodore looked underneath.
"Well... here's his old baseball mit... his secret journal... some cherry bombs... old monster model kits... a bunch of magazines full of pictures of girls with no clothes on... this box of money... an autographed picture of Jennifer Aniston...
"Box of money?" Simon asked.
Theodore looked inside the box again. "Wow... look at all of this money!"
"Hey!" Alvin shrieked, as he walked in the room. "Who said you could poke your nose in my personal, private, confidential property that nobody knows exists?"
"Where on earth did you get all of this money?!" Simon asked.
"Like I'm telling you!" Alvin snapped, as he shoved Simon of the way, as well as Theodore, to grab the box of money, and make sure they didn't take any.
"Seriously Alvin, where did you get all of that money?" Simon asked again.
"I found it!" Alvin admitted.
"Where?" Theodore asked.
"It was just sitting out on the front porch when I went outside!" Alvin said.
"Who would just leave a box of money on someone's doorstep?" Simon asked, not believing Alvin.
"Beats me," Alvin said, "all I know is, I found it, so I get to keep it after I spend it!"
"Alvin, you've got money that doesn't belong to you, the noble thing for you to do would be to hand it over to the proper authorities." Simon said, as he dropped the thirty five Alvin gave him back into the box.
"Yeah, right!" Alvin chortled. "A box full of money is every kid's dream!"
"Won't it trouble you knowing you're spending money that doesn't belong to you?" Simon asked.
"Nope." Alvin said.
"How would you feel if you lost the money and someone else found it and spent it?" Theodore asked.
"That's different." Alvin said.
"Does Dave know about this?" Simon asked.
"Dave doesn't know a lot of things." Alvin said, holding on to the box tightly, when Simon tried to grab it.
"We really should turn this in, Alvin." Simon said.
"No way!" Alvin yelled.
Once Dave heard a bunch of shouting coming from upstairs, he assumed his sons were fighting again. "What's going on up there boys?" Dave called from downstairs.
"Nothing!" The boys called back, as Dave came upstairs.
Dave opened his sons' bedroom door, and found them all sitting on their respective beds, without a care in the world. "What was with all the commotion?" Dave asked.
"Nothing." They lied.
Dave raised an eyebrow, as he watched his sons sit there, smiling innocently. Alvin hoped Dave didn't notice the drops of sweat that were forming on his forehead. With nothing more to say, Dave simply left the room, and shut the door, before Alvin pulled his pillow away from in front of the box.
"Alright, fine," Simon began, "you do what you want with the money, Alvin, if anything happens to you because of it, just make sure you don't get me or Theodore involved!"
"Now Simon, when have I ever gotten you or Theodore into trouble?" Alvin asked, idiotically.
"Is that a trick question?!" Simon asked.