Summary

A/U Dean is seventeen and secretly dating his younger brother Sam. Sam is out and proud but Dean is still in the closet. Worried about what his father and others would think of him he lives a life he hates but what will happen when is becomes too much for him. Will he lose his little brother in more ways than one just to be a good son or will he face the fact that he's gay and in love with Sam and posibly lose a father too.

Sam

Growing up in this house was hard. With his mother dying when he was younger and being raised really by his brother because his father was never there is tough. In that time he's formed a bond with his brother that no one can or will understand. He was madly in love with his brother. Sam knew he was gay the moment he turned ten. He looked at his brother in ways he shouldn't and at first it scared him because he didn't know how to deal with it.

Dean

Dean's always had a problem expressing his feelings when it came to Sam. Yes, he loved Sam more than anything but it scared the hell out of him knowing his father would kill him if he ever found out. Dean knew he was gay when he turned eleven but he knew he was gay for his brother when he turned fourteen. Dean was always a good son and always did what he was told.

Grandmount High school

Sam walks the halls knowing that every eye was on him. Even though he was a major nerd he was hot and everyone wanted him but he didn't want anyone but Dean. He knew it upset Dean when other people looked at him but even more with guys. He loved a jealous Dean and that's what he got often. He was walking to his locker when he spotted Dean down the halls. He was leaning against the locker with one hand and whispering in a girl's ear that was in front of him. Sam watched as the girl giggled and blushed while a deep shade of red and it pissed Sam off. He watched them until the girl walked off and when he locked eyes with Dean he turned and walked off.

Dean ran after him and grabbed his arm. "Hey Sammy."

Sam turned to Dean. "Hey Dean."

Dean stuck his hands in his jeans. "Are you okay?"

Sam shrugged "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

Dean shook his head. "Well you looked like you wanted to kill me just now."

Sam chuckled "Well I'm fine so bye." He turned to leave.

Dean grabbed his arm. "Sam wait."

"What?" Sam snapped.

Dean looked around and let go of Sam's arm. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"

"Why can't we talk here I mean everyone knows we're brothers." Sam said.

Dean shook his head. "Because I don't want them to see what I'm about to do."

Sam shook his head. "Is that all you care about Dean?"

Dean sighed "Sam?"

"You don't even care about me?" Sam said.

"Sammy you know that I love you." Dean said

Sam just shook his head. "Just leave me alone Dean. Why don't you go talk to your little girlfriend?"

"Sam she's not my girlfriend!" Dean snapped then quickly lowered his voice. "Can we just talk about this?"

Sam shook his head. "I don't want to talk to you Dean." He turned and walked off.

"Sammy!" Dean called after him but he kept walking.

When Dean got home that night he went up to his brother's room. Knocking on the door he pushed it open. "Sammy?" He walked into the room and saw Sam sitting on the bed with a book in his hands. He also saw headphones in his ears. He walked up to the bed and hit Sam on the foot.

Sam looked up and saw Dean. He sighed, put down his book and pulled out his head phones. "When did you get here?"

Dean looked down "Just now, Mark dropped me off."

Sam nodded "What do you want?"

"What the hell is your problem Sam?" Dean yelled.

"I'm tired of hiding Dean." Sam yelled "I love you and you love me so why are we hiding?"

"Will you lower your voice?" Dean said.

Sam smiled "Dad's not even here!"

Dean sighed. "Sam?"

Sam started to put the head phones back in his ears. "Just leave me alone."

Dean stopped by grabbing his arm. "I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me."

Sam lowered his hands. "How would you feel if you saw me talking to another boy? You're so busying trying not to disappoint dad then focusing on us. We've been together for a long time and I want you Dean, all of you."

Dean took Sam's hand and used his other one to wrap his fingers around the necklace that he gave Sam. "You have all of me."

"No I don't." Sam pulled his hands away from Dean. "And until you make up your mind about what you want-"

"Dean! Sam!" John called out.

"Shit." Dean said getting up but as he was getting up he pulled the necklace off of his neck and it fell on the ground. "Yeah dad!"

"Come down here!" John yelled.

"Okay!" Dean looked at Sam who was still sitting on the bed. "Sammy-"

"Just leave me alone Dean." Sam got off the bed and made his way downstairs.

Dean watched him go then looked on the ground. He picked up the necklace, put it in his pocket and left the room.

The next day

6:23 in the morning Sam woke. He got up and wiped his face with his hands. He didn't want to go anywhere and he just wanted to stay in his bed all day but he knew that his father would kill him. He got up from the bed and made his way to the bathroom. After taking a quick shower he made his way downstairs in just his boxers. He went over to the fridge and grabbed the milk. Grabbing a bowl and a box of cereal he sat at the table and made his breakfast. Halfway through his breakfast he heard the floor board creek. His father was already gone so there was only one other person it would be. "Dean you don't have to just stand there."

Dean walked further into the kitchen and sat across from Sam. "Morning Sammy."

Sam smiled "What's so good about this morning?"

Dean sighed "Are you still mad at me?"

Sam shook his head. "No I'm not but that doesn't mean that I want to go on the way we did. I meant what I said Dean, I'm done."

"After everything we went through you're just going to give up on me?" Dean said reaching out to Dean.

Sam moved his hands and got up. "I'm not the one who gave up on us Dean." He placed his bowl in the sink and walked out of the kitchen.

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Sam and Dean rode to school in silence. There was no music playing and they weren't talking. Sam was looking out the window thinking about his brother. When they pulled into the school parking lot Sam bolted from the car.

Dean sighed and turned the car off. He got out and made his way into the school.

Halfway through school Dean was tired. Not only was all the girls in his face Sam completely ignored him. After getting his book out of his locker he made his way through his next class. He stopped when he saw Sam with another boy at his locker.

Sam POV

Sam had no idea why this guy was talking to him. He was a little taller than he was and hot but not hotter than Dean. No one was. "I don't mean to be rude but why are you talking to me?"

He smiled "What do you mean, you're hot."

Sam blushed and looked down. "Is that it?"

The guy shook his head. "No, you're smart, funny and I know that I can trust you."

Sam looked up "How do you know all that just by looking at me."

He shrugged "Because I just do." He cleared his throat. "I was wondering if you would like to hang out after school. Maybe grab a bite to eat or something?"

"Um I don't know." Sam said smiling.

"What, do you have a boyfriend or something?" He asked laughing.

Sam shook his head. "No, as a matter of fact I don't have one."

"Then go out with me. I promise you that you will have a good time." He held out his hand. "My name is Alex."

Sam blushed and took his hand. "I'm Sam and I'd love to go out with you."

Alex nodded "Good well than why don't you just catch a ride with me and I'll drop you off home. Then we can go if that's okay with you."

Sam nodded "Yeah I'll meet you after school.

Alex nodded "Cool, well bye."

Sam watched him walk off then turned back and came face to face with Dean. Quickly looking away from him he walked the other way.

Dean just watched him go.

After school

Sam was sitting on the school steps waiting for Alex when Dean showed up. "Hey Dean."

"Hey Sammy are you ready to go?" Dean asked.

Sam looked down "Um I'm going out with Alex and he said he'll drop me off home. I'm actually meeting him right now. You can go ahead and go home though. I'll be fine."

Dean just stood there. "Alex huh, so you really meant what you said?"

Sam closed his eyes. "Yes I did and who knows maybe Alex and I will really hit it off."

Dean nodded. "Well i hope you have fun with him." He turned and walked off.

Sam opened his eyes and tried to resist the urge to go after his brother and Ex-Lover. A little while later Alex pulled up in his big truck.

"Hey Sammy are you ready to go?" Alex said.

Sam smiled and nodded "Yeah."

That night

When Sam got home he went right up to his room and closed the door behind him. He dropped his bagg on the ground and went over to his computer and after logging on there was a knock at his door. He didn't see his dad's truck in the driveway so there was only one person it could be. He got up and opened his door to come face to face with Dean. "Hey Dean." Sam said trying to sound normal.

Dean faked a smile. "Hey Sammy um I heard you come in."

Sam nodded and waked back over to his computer. "Oh, is there something that you wanted?"

Dean walked into the room and sat on the bed. "Yeah I wanted to talk to you about that kid Alex."

Sam stopped typing and turned to his brother. "What about him?"

Dean sighed "I just don't think he's right for you."

Sam smiled "And you think that you are?"

Dean looked down. "I don't know but I know that I'm better for you than him."

Sam looked down "He's out Dean, to his family, his friends and that's what I want."

Dean looked back up at his brother. "But you said that you loved me."

"And I do I'm just tired of hiding. I want to be with someone who loves me and isn't afraid to tell others how he feels. I want someone to hold me and kiss me just like any other straight ouple would do. I want to be with someone who isn't ashamed of being gay and that's not you Dean." Sam started playing with the hem of his shirt. "I'm not saying that I don't love you because I love you more than anything and nothing is going to change that. What I'm saying is that maybe we should just go back to being brothers."

Dean groaned and stood up. "After everytihng we've been through you think we can go back to being brothers. Brothers don't kiss, touch and make love that way we do and I can't just go back to the way it was. I love you Sammy and I want to be with you I'm just scared."

Sam got up "Why are you so worried about what others will think of you, what dad will think of you. He donesn't run your life Dean. You're free to love anyone you want."

"He's the only family we've got Sam." Dean said softly. "I remember what it was like for you when you came out to him."

Sam nodded "You mean the time you promised me that we would do it together but I ended up doing it on my own."

Dean sat back on the bed. "I'm the oldest so what would it look like if I told him that I was in love with my little brother. I'm suppose to protect you and do nothing but be your brother."

Sam walked over to Dean. "You do protect me Dean. In ways you don't even know but you can't help who you fall in love with and I fell in love with you. There's nothing wrong with that."

"You're so wrong Sammy. One being gay is a sin and I pretty sure that it's even worse when you're sleeping with your blood brother." Dean said looking away from Sam.

Sam sighed and walked away from Dean. "Then why are you even in here?"

Dean was silent for a minute. "Are you really going to start dating him?"

"I don't know, maybe." Sam said.

Dean nodded. Silent tears fell from his eyes. He got up and headed for the door. "Okay." He left without another word.

Sam watched the doorway and a big part of him was screaming for him to come back. Screaming for him to go after his brother but it was like his feet were glued to the ground so he just stood there.

A/N Hoped that you've enjoyed this chapter and the next one will be up soon.