Breakdown
by Lizard
He hadn't had much sleep for a week now. Not much to eat either. His health seemed to be depleting by the day. Even Piccolo noticed that he wasn't his usually alert and swift self during training or sparring sessions. It became a lot easier to hit him. A few weeks ago Piccolo wasn't even able to lay a finger on him, even for just a second. Now, Gohan looked as if he was slowly wasting away before the eyes of his loved ones.
***
It all started when he was young. This happy, sheltered child knew only little about the outside world connected to his own little piece of heaven. That was all this young child had ever known or wanted, peace, quiet, and the comforting fact that his father and best friends weren't going to be killed at any second. Gohan had been in total bliss, that is until the day his "uncle" Radditz had arrived on the planet. Everything after that day seemed like a total whirlwind of bad emotions: pain, fear, anger, even hatred. All emotions no five-year-old should have to endure.
He was tired, so very tired, but he never allowed himself to sleep. Sleep was a weakness, right? He had no weaknesses. He couldn't afford to have weaknesses. Piccolo taught him to be strong. He was a warrior in the making. He needed help from no one, that is, until a battle arose. That should be the only time he needed people. But his tired mother Chi-Chi could feel that something was very wrong with her baby, and she would do anything to save him.
***
"Mom, only crazy nut jobs need shrinks! I am not crazy," he half yelled. Then he quietly added under his breath, "but maybe you are..."
"Gohan, don't talk to your mother that way," Goku absent-mindedly mumbled, almost as a reflex. He was thinking. The problem was that he totally agreed with his son. Only insane people needed shrinks, and he knew that Gohan wasn't crazy. So what if he hadn't been sleeping well, or eating all that much? Aren't Sayins different than humans anyway? Then again, Goku couldn't remember a time when he wasn't hungry...
"Gohan, dear, I never said you were crazy or a nut job," Chi-Chi stated in her most soothing voice, desperately trying to hide her frustration, "I just think that you have been through a lot in you're life and it would do you some good to talk to someone. Please, honey. I know something's wrong, and I think that you're very depressed-"
"NO!! There is nothing wrong!!" he screamed, choking back tears that threatened to spill over.
"Gohan!" Goku jumped up out of his seat, frightened by his own son's evident fear.
"No, just...stay away from me!" he cried, letting the tears that had been held back for so long slide down his face. "You don't understand, not you Dad. You won't ever understand. You're so strong. And with everything you've seen and experienced you...you never breakdown...or cry..." Gohan fell to the floor, his shoulders moving up and down with each sob. "I just wanted to be strong...for you, for Mom, for Piccolo...everybody. I've failed, and I don't think I want...to...to...live..." he let his voice trail off into a soft sob and curled his body up on the floor, his knees pulled tightly to his chest. Chi-Chi was on her knees next to him, crying softly and trying to keep some sanity in an insane situation. She held what was left of her hollow shell of a son. Goku stood above the two, stunned by the events he had just witnessed. Everything his son had said was true.
***
"It's going to be oookay..." Chi-Chi whispered soothingly into Gohan's ear. The car they rode in sped along silently across the hilly mountain road. A Capsule Corporation logo shone brightly as the sun hit the metallic surface. Bulma drove evenly, her husband Vegeta sitting in the passenger seat next to her. Even the mighty Sayin Prince carried a look of concern. Gohan's head lay in Chi-Chi's lap and she gently stroked his soft black hair. He still sobbed quietly. Goku sat next to Chi-Chi, staring straight ahead.
"I don't understand," Vegeta whispered almost inaudibly to Bulma, "what's wrong?"
"Not everyone's a warrior, Vegeta," she answered, and pushed her finger gently to his lips, silencing him before he could inquire more. What exactly was wrong? He couldn't figure it out alone. This boy was half Sayin; he had the prized blood flowing through his veins. Why was this boy crying?
"Where are we going?" Goku asked, painfully breaking the silence.
"Shhhh." Chi-Chi hushed him. She leaned down and gently kissed Gohan's cool forehead.
"We love you, honey. You know that, don't you?" she waited for a reply, but all she received was a low sigh. A moan escaped Gohan's lips, startling everyone in the car. It was a low, disturbing sound, like that of a wounded animal. One that knew it was going to die. The sound sent chills up and down Bulma's spine.
***
"And what is the patient's age?" the blond woman asked cheerfully. Gohan watched his father walk over to the desk and whisper to his mother.
He doesn't even know how old I am
, he thought sadly.He closed his eyes as his father walked back over to the receptionist desk where the blond woman stood waiting for a reply.
"Sorry, uh...fifteen," he heard his father tell the receptionist.
Fifteen. Was her really only fifteen? He felt so much older. His body hurt, his eyes burned, every muscle ached, and it felt to him like someone had ripped his heart from his body.
"Hey, honey," Chi-Chi said. Gohan's eyes opened slowly. He stared at his mother. She had never looked so old to him. Her eyes, red and bloodshot, scanned the area where her son sat. Her exhausted shoulders slumped as she sat down next to Gohan.
He tried desperately to smile for her, but he found he couldn't, no matter how hard he tried. The best he could get for her was a weak grimace. Bulma sat down in the chair next to Chi-Chi's. He couldn't look at her. Gohan wasn't able to stand their looks of pity. He knew they had been discussing him, his mental health, his stability. Right about now, though, he didn't care.
"Bulma?" Vegeta asked cautiously, motioning for his wife to follow him.
"Hold on. I'll be right back, 'kay?" Chi-Chi nodded silently. Bulma bit her bottom lip, uncertain of what to do. She hated leaving her in this state.
Bulma and Vegeta walked outside, Vegeta holding open the glass door to the clinic.
"What?" she snapped abruptly.
Vegeta stared at her, stunned.
"Sorry," she sighed, "I'm just tired I guess. You know, with everything..."
"Uh, well, that's actually what I wanted to ask you about. What did you mean when you said 'not everyone's a warrior'? I don't understa-"
"What do you mean you don't understand?!" she yelled, cutting him off in mid-sentence, "What is there to understand? That poor child in there has been exposed to horrible thing in this life, and after a while of holding it all inside he just...broke down.
"Broke down?"
"Listen, honey," she began, exhausted by this explanation, "humans are different than Sayins. Emotions aren't taught to be hidden. And sometimes a person can't hold it all," she hugged him tightly, "And looking at that boy's record, it's a wonder he lasted this long without trying to kill himself."
He pulled away from her, "But, why would he want to die? There's a lot to live for."
"Maybe for you, but he feels like he has nothing right now. I think that one of the things Gohan wants desperately right now is a father. To tell you the truth, I think that Piccolo has been more of a father to Gohan in these past couple of years than Goku has been Gohan's whole life. Piccolo has been the closest thing he's ever had to a true father."
Vegeta looked at Bulma, stunned, the words finally sinking in.
"I've got to go back in," Bulma said finally.
"Where is he," Vegeta asked.
"Who? Gohan? He's inside."
"No, Piccolo."
Bulma looked surprised; "To tell you the truth, Gohan is usually the only one who ever knows where that guy is."
***
Something was wrong. He could feel it. Gohan's ki was dangerously low, and as the cold wind whipped his cape around behind him, Piccolo found his thought turning into horrible ideas. It felt like Gohan was dying.
***
"Piccolo's coming," Gohan whispered quietly.
He was walking down a large white hospital. The colors and decor reminded him of the hospital him and his father had once recovered in. Chi-Chi walked beside him, her arm held lightly on his shoulder. Goku was still in the lobby, trying to answer all of the receptionist's questions.
"What?" Chi-Chi asked, unable to hide the fright edging into her voice. She was afraid she had heard he son right. That green monster still scared her, and she still didn't want him anywhere near her son, especially not right now.
"Piccolo is coming. And he's going to be upset. My ki had been dropping for the past couple of hours. You might want to send Dad out front to make sure he doesn't try to break through the roof to save me," he almost smiled to himself...
I think that, through it all, Piccolo has been one of the only people in my life that have ever really cared about me...
***
He's in there.
Piccolo landed with thump, and walked over to the large white building that stood immensely large in front of his sturdy green figure. He walked inside, shattering the glass door as he slammed it behind him. The woman in the lobby screamed.
"Where is he," he growled, "what did you do to him?!"
"I...I..." the blond receptionist stuttered.
"Where is he?!!" he screamed aloud, not caring who or what was disturbed by his presence.
"Who?! I don't know what you're talking about!!" the receptionist managed to scream out.
"Gohan!" Piccolo growled, baring his fangs.
"Gohan?..." she whimpered. She began flipping through the file on her desk. "Y...yes, here it is. He checked in to...today. He should be in room, uh...ten thirteen..."
Piccolo began to walk down the large white hallway, knocking over anyone or anything that got in his way. He searched each door for the correct numbers. Suddenly, he wondered if this place was what the humans called a hospital. This is where they put their sick and dying...
"Piccolo!! Why did you come here?!" A voice yelled out from behind him.
Piccolo spun around, instantly recognizing the voice, to face the boy. Just as he suspected, there stood Gohan. What he didn't expect was that he would be crying.
Piccolo began to shoot out questions, "What happened, Gohan? Why are you crying? What's wrong? Is everyone okay? You're not hurt, are you? I mean, I sensed your ki and it was dropping and I thought for sure that someone was trying to kill you and-"
"Piccolo!! Stop it!!" Gohan yelled suddenly. Piccolo stopped. Gohan had never yelled at him before.
"Gohan, what's wrong?" Piccolo asked, this time much calmer.
"Listen, Piccolo, nothing's wrong. Just leave, okay? You don't need to be here," Gohan turned back towards his room, hiding his tears from Piccolo's prying gaze.
"But...Gohan, I...what happened?"
"Nothing. Go away. You're not supposed to be here." Gohan walked away, heading towards a door with the numbers 1013 painted in bold black letters.
"But..." Piccolo watched Gohan walk away. An anger swelled inside of him. But this feeling was worse than anger, it was a deep fear that grew and crept into his body, leaving him frantic for answers. The feeling of hopelessness frightened him. Everything about this place frightened him.
"You can't just walk away Gohan! You have to listen to me, tell me what it is! I trained you! Please..." he cried out in desperation.
Gohan stopped, inches from entering the door.
"Piccolo, I don't care about your training."
And with that he went through the door, closing it behind him with a soft click.
"I'm...sorry..." Piccolo whispered. He started down the hallway, looking for a way out.
***
"Why did we have to leave him?" Goku asked, anger slowly edging into his voice, "He's my son. We could have taken care of him."
Chi-Chi's hands gripped the steering wheel, turning white.
"He is my son, too, Goku," she said through clenched teeth, "Do you that was any easier for me? Do you?! I just had to check my son into a mental institution! And you know what I think, Goku, I think that none of this would have happened if you wouldn't have let him train with that awful Piccolo or let him fight with you-"
"Oh, so now this is all my fault?!" Goku yelled at his wife, "Well, if you didn't have such high expectations for him then maybe he wouldn't have pushed himself so hard to please you!!"
Chi-Chi could feel the tears beginning to sting her eyes.
"Listen, Goku, all I ever wanted for my little boy was a normal life! I only wanted him to be happy!!" she cried.
"That's enough, from both of you!!" Bulma yelled from the backseat. Vegeta was asleep next to her, seemingly undisturbed by all the noise, "Why don't you two stop blaming each other and think about what you're both going to do to help him get better. You're son has lost the will to live, and all you guys can do is selfishly try to lay the blame on one another. I don't want to hear anything like that from either of you again! Understand?"
Chi-Chi and Goku nodded in agreement simultaneously.
"Bulma's right, you know," Chi-Chi said to Goku after a few minutes, "The last thing Gohan wants or needs right now is two childish parents. I'm sorry..."
"Yeah, I am too," he apologized, "and I guess you're right. We're both just really stressed and tired right now. I think we should just go home and get some sleep."
Chi-Chi pulled up in front of Bulma's house, waiting for the couple to leave the car.
"Vegeta, we're home. Get up," Bulma said, roughly nudging him awake.
"Huh, what?...oh, home. Yeah, bye Kakarrot, Chi-Chi. Uh, sorry about everything...well, you know. Bye," Vegeta groggily made his way up the front steps.
"Listen, Chi-Chi, you call me if anything happens. Anything, 'kay?" Chi-Chi nodded in agreement. Bulma smiled and quickly followed her husband up the steps. She opened the door, waved a second, then disappeared into the dark house.
***
Chi-Chi turned over and stared at the clock by her bed. It shone with a bright red 4:07.
"Goku, are you asleep?"
"No."
"Goku, you know I love you...but..." she began.
"But what?" Goku asked turning over to face his wife. He stared at her, into her sparkling dark eyes. In the soft glow of the clock light, he saw just how beautiful and vulnerable she was.
"I'm so scared," she whispered, releasing the tears which she had been forced to moderate all day. He pulled her close and she buried her face in his chest. He gently stroked her long black hair as she cried.
"Chi-Chi," he whispered, "I love you so much. I'm sorry. I know I don't tell you enough. I'm so sorry that I've always been gone. I've never been there for you or Gohan..."
"Goku..." she looked up at him and gently touched his face, finding the skin moist under her fingers. He was crying.
"I'm so sorry," he sobbed, "I just hope that its not too late. That you guys will be able to forgive me. I'm so, so sorry..."
She leaned up closer and gently kissed him, "Its okay. Everything will be oookay," she said, using the same soothing voice she had used on Gohan only hours earlier.
***
"He was crying last night"
"Dad? Cry? You're just trying to make me feel better."
It was the next day. Chi-Chi sat in an uncomfortable chair across from Gohan. He sat at the edge of the bed, wrapped in the quilt she had brought him. His hair was a mess, uncombed, and he still wore the clothes he had had on last night.
"I'm not lying," Chi-Chi told her son, "He cried, and he started apologizing for everything. We love you so much Gohan."
"Have you heard anything from Piccolo?" Gohan asked abruptly.
Chi-Chi stared at him with a blank expression. Why must he always worry about such a horrible person?
"No," she gave her monotone answer.
"Oh, because I was really...oh, never mind. But if you do happen to...you know, see him, will you tell him I'm sorry?"
"Sure," Chi-Chi replied in her most cheerful voice. She hated talking to that monster. He was one of the reasons her poor little Gohan was in here in the first place.
"Mom, its not his fault."
"What?" Chi-Chi asked, breaking out of her daze.
"It's not Piccolo's fault that I'm here. In fact, I don't think it's really anyone's fault. Just...circumstances. Don't be mad at him, Mom. He's not as bad a guy as you think."
"Oh, Gohan. What would ever lead you to believe that I think he's a bad guy?" she tried, unsuccessfully, to laugh it off. Gohan decided that maybe he better change the subject.
"So, where's Dad anyway?" Gohan asked.
"Um...to tell you the truth, I don't know. When I woke up I couldn't find him in the house. However, I did find this 'note' from him. Why don't you can read it any better than me..." she smiled and handed him the note. He looked it over carefully.
It read:
Der Chi Chi,
Surry. I had 2 leve. I wil b bak soon. Luv u.
Goku
"Well, at least he spelled the names correctly," Gohan joked.
"Yeah," Chi-Chi sighed.
***
I hope Chi-Chi can read the note I left, Goku thought to himself as he flew along. He knew himself that he had never been much of a student. That's one of the reasons he was so surprised when Chi-Chi wanted to marry him.
You can't choose who you love, Goku. Your heart chooses for you.
She had told him that once. At first, he honestly didn't understand what she meant. But after last night, he understood it more than ever.
Suddenly, the ki he had been tracking grew much stronger.
It won't be too long now
, he thought anxiously, feeling the nervousness creeping into his stomach. It was never really easy for Goku to talk to him. He knew they were friends now, but you never truly get used to having discussions with people who at one time wanted to see you dead.His target popped into view, a glimpse through the trees. Goku knew that this other person already sensed his presence. He landed in front of he meditating individual.
Still floating in midair, he opened his eyes and stared at Goku. Slowly, he floated towards the ground and stood on his feet. Smiling, he crossed his arms. His smirk exposed the tip of the sharp fangs all Nameks possess.
"Goku," he said, unmoving.
"Piccolo..."
***
"Where the heck are you, Goku?" Chi-Chi thought aloud.
Suddenly, two sharp knocks banged against the front door. Chi-Chi nearly screamed. Finding her composure, she walked over and opened the door.
"Vegeta, what are you-"
"Never mind, woman. Do you know where Kakarrot is?" Vegeta demanded.
"No, I don't know where Goku is. Why? What happened?" Chi-Chi could feel a lump of fear forming in her throat.
"Can't I at least come in first?" Vegeta asked rudely.
"Sure...I guess," Chi-Chi closed the door behind him, "So what's going on?"
"Well," Vegeta began, "I was out in the woods today, you know, hunting, and I could have sworn that I saw Kakarrot having a nice chit-chat with that green freak-"
"You mean Piccolo?" she asked.
"Yeah, whatever," he continued, "but I was just wondering if you knew why he would be talking to Piccolo."
"Well, I have no idea. I know just about as much as you do about how Goku's brain works."
"Yeah, okay, well I gotta-"
"Hey, honey. I'm home." It was Goku, "Oh, hey Vegeta! What are you doing here?" he asked, confused.
"I was just...um..." Vegeta began to search frantically for an excuse. For some odd reason, he felt embarrassed by the fact that he was here "checking up" on Kakarrot. He didn't want him thinking that he actually gave a crap about whether he lived or died.
"Vegeta?" Goku asked.
"Oh, right...I was just...borrowing this vase," he stuttered, picking up a vase from the mantle, "Thanks, bye!"
Vegeta left, not meaning to slam the door behind him.
"That was weird," Goku commented to Chi-Chi. He looked at her, only to find that her expression was not one of amusement.
"So, I heard you and Piccolo had a lovely conversation this morning," Chi-Chi smiled brightly, a smile that always scared Goku, "Why were you talking to him?"
"Just wait now, I can explain..."
***
"...and so he said 'Piccolo, I don't care about your training'. Then he just went into his room and started crying again. So that's when I decided to talk to Piccolo, you know, to see what went on. I hate to admit it, but that guy knows more about my son than I do..." Goku finished finally, sighing and leaning back in his chair.
"Wow," Chi-Chi was still shocked, "I never knew that Gohan had been so mean. Piccolo really does care about him, doesn't he?
"Yes," Goku replied nodding his head, "he really does. It's sad, but I think that Gohan is the only reason Piccolo even stays on Earth."
"Oh, my little boy. We've grown so far apart. I miss him so much," Chi-Chi began to cry softly, only now beginning to understand her son's pain.
***
"Chi-Chi, I'm sorry...I, I didn't think things would go down like this. I knew Gohan was stressed, but he was always...I don't know. I never thought I'd pushed him to hard. I'm just...sorry," Piccolo's head dropped, his voice barely above a whisper. He quickly wiped away the tears invading his eyes.
They sat at the kitchen table, Goku's arm wrapped protectively around Chi-Chi's shoulder. Piccolo sat across from the stunned couple.
"Piccolo," Goku began softly, trying to formulate the words, "there's no need for apologies. This isn't your fault. If it's anyone's fault, its mine..."
"No," Chi-Chi argued suddenly. She hadn't spoken for the whole conversation, "It's not anyone's fault," she said in an even voice, "Gohan doesn't blame us. We can not feel responsible. Its...just circumstances," she finished, quoting her son.
"Do you know when they'll let him go?" Piccolo asked after a long silence. Goku stared at him. He had never seen Piccolo like this. He looked tired. Goku had never seen him look tired.
"I don't know," Chi-Chi replied, "When the doctor says, I guess. We'll just have to wait and see..."
***
"Dr. Niman? Are you there?"
"What?" the tall, red haired woman sat up abruptly in the chair she had been dozing in, knocking her nameplate off the desk. Dr. Mary C. Niman shone in gold letters against a dark black background. She picked it up, placing it back at the head of her desk. She pushed the button on the small white intercom.
"Yes," she said clearing her throat. She tied her auburn hair back into a ponytail, "What do you want?"
"Um, sorry. I've got a couple out here. Say they got an appointment. Their son seems to be a patient here."
"What's the patient's name?" she sighed.
"Uh..." Dr. Niman could hear her secretary flipping through the files that continually littered her desk.
"His name is Gohan! G-O-H-A-N! I'm his mother, Chi-Chi, and this is his father, Goku. We're supposed to
be bringing him home today! Tell that to the doctor, okay?!"
"Chi-Chi," a man's voice filtered through, attempting to calm the woman, "please, honey. Its okay, just give them a secon-"
"No!" the woman yelled, "I have not seen my Gohan in almost six months! I can't wait around while this screw-up searches for verification or whatever the heck she's looking for!!"
Oh, Gohan's parents
, she thought."Listen, Sarah, just let them in, 'kay?" Dr. Niman said as politely as she could. This was going to be a long meeting.
***
"...and so I think that it would be best if Gohan took some time off from training, at least for a year or so. All of this fighting at such a young age has been a very damaging experience for him," Dr. Niman tried as best as she could to explain to Goku and Chi-Chi the condition of their son.
"Is this what you want, Gohan?" Goku asked him quietly.
"Yes."
"Okay, then," Goku said cheerfully, "can we take him home now? Everyone has missed him a lot."
Gohan stared blankly ahead. He wasn't upset anymore, in fact he was in a great mood. But he had a lot to think about. In just about an hour or so he was going to have to face all the people he had run away from. And that included Piccolo...
***
Vegeta stood in the midst of several humans, and he felt uncomfortably closed in. He felt trapped by the suffocating number of people shoved into this one tiny house.
Where is that woman?
he thought irritably. Bulma was supposed to meet him at Kakarrot's house, but that was over an hour ago. Now he was stuck, alone, crammed into the small home. He only knew a few of the human (most of them he didn't like anyways), and one green alien that stood in the corner. He looked just about as uncomfortable as Vegeta.Suddenly, there came a loud banging at the door, knocking Vegeta out of his thoughts. He looked around self-consciously, realizing that he had been staring at Piccolo. He still stood stiffly in the corner. The door banged again. No one moved.
Why me?
he thought as the door banged again loudly."Okay, okay! I'm coming! Keep your shirt on!!" he yelled as he opened the door.
"Well, you don't have to keep it on."
"Oh, Vegeta," Bulma laughed as she entered the cramped house. She grabbed his face and kissed him. "Do you know how much I love you?"
Vegeta stared at his wife, a strange expression coming across his face. Why was his wife being so...well, nice? It made him a little nervous.
"Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm just happy that Gohan's coming home, silly!"
Silly?
"Bulma, honey, you okay?" he asked, sounding more worried than he had intended to.
She looked at him, but before she could reply, the door opened and everyone began to cheer as a smiling Gohan stepped into the room.
***
"Thanks a lot for coming, Krillen," Gohan stood on the front steps, saying goodbye to his friends.
"Come on, Gohan! You didn't expect me to miss you're homecoming, did ya?" Krillen laughed.
"No, I guess not," he smiled down at his friend.
"Well, I'm bushed. I'm going home. You take care of yourself, Gohan, you hear me?" he walked down the steps, "It's great to have you home."
Gohan watched his friend get into the tiny capsule car. He honked his horn once and drove away. Gohan watched the car as it disappeared over the horizon. Then, he saw him. And he knew it was time.
***
"Not much of a party person, huh?" Gohan said.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you got home...I left a few moments after you arrived. I guess I just wanted some time to, you know...think," he looked up desperately, his eyes begging for some kind of forgiveness from Gohan.
"I don't blame you..." Gohan began.
"I know, but I do. I blame myself for all of this. I should have never pushed you so hard. You...you nearly died and-"
"Piccolo, stop," Gohan said quietly. "Don't you understand? It's because of you that I'm still here today. You were the father I could never get from Dad. I didn't come out here to forgive you, I came out here to ask you to forgive me..."
"Hey, kid, stop that," Piccolo laughed a little, putting his hand on Gohan's head. The boy was now nearly as tall as him. He stared at Gohan, seeing the tears fall down his face, and he soon realized that he was crying too.
Gohan reached over and pulled Piccolo close to him. He hugged him tightly, only for a brief moment before releasing his friend.
"Thanks, Piccolo," Gohan said and turned around, walking towards his house. He stopped and turned back around towards Piccolo, "Don't forget to drop by every once and a while. I think Mom's actually starting to get used to you."
They both smiled, and Gohan ran back towards his house. Chi-Chi waited for him on the front steps.
"Thank you, Gohan," he whispered. He twirled around, his white cape shining a dull red in the setting sun. And then he walked into the woods, into the darkness that was his home.
***
The End