Misadventures in the Mohave

by nukavictory

Why is it that when the Courier punches out their dying companion, suddenly everything is all well again? Why is it that sleeping in a bed for an hour suddenly heals them completely? Are they a voodoo doctor? Have they sold their soul to Caesar? And most worryingly, have they recently turned anyone into a newt? Rated T for Terrific.

1. An Auspicious Beginning But Not Really

The adventures of a lethal joke of a courier who happens to be absurdly lucky. Disclaimer: I fucking invented Fallout. You like Fallout? You owe your entire goddamn garbage existence to me. That is all.

"I'm Six. Courier Six," said Courier Six with a dramatic flourish, feeling it was necessary. Six wasn't sure what a dramatic flourish involved, but tried to do it anyways.

"What an unecessarily dramatic flourish. What happened to One, Two, Three, Four, and Five?"

"I think they're dead, probably."

"That's unfortunate. I'm Arcade. And aren't you awfully young to be traipsing across the wastes on your own?"

"Traipsing?"

"Never mind. You said you were a courier?"

"Well, not exactly. I used to be a courier, but then I took a bullet to the head."

"Holy hell. Do you need medical attention?"

"Nah, just let me nap here for a bit."

"I think you could use some medical attention. I don't think your spine is supposed to do that."

"A nap is good enough. Look, I'm all better! Wow, I wonder how that happens. Must be one of those scientistic things."

". . . What the hell."