The guilt was almost unbearable, he knew what he had done and the ripple he had created in the ocean called life, but the memories are what killed the fallen angel. It was dark and cold here, nothing could be said or done to change that fact, Castiel knew that he deserved every ounce of pain that hit him. The fallen angel sat by his lake staring at the water. Leviathans were surrounding him, have been for days, weeks, months-Castiel could not tell, but he had felt their presence a while. They did not move, just sat and watched their original mode of transportation be still. Castiel knew they sat there watching him, taunting him, toying with him, yet he could still not bring himself to do anything about it. The once respected angel had fallen in so many ways, not even Lucifer had fallen this far. Shame was all the angel felt, shame for what he had done.
Please help me. Castiel heard, another pray from Dean another plea for help, another beg for his angel to return to his side. Castiel heard every pray Dean sent, he heard every pain filled cry his human made. Staying by his lake each and every time, doing his best to forget about the righteous man. I-I need you. Please. Castiel heard echo though his mind. I am so alone, and once again I'm scared. Everything went spiraling down, and I was not prepared. This pray, thought the angel, was different from the others he usually heard. Cas is nowhere to be seen, I don't know if he's here. Strange, the angel thought, if not a prayer to me than who? I know you're not here, and if you were I would kill Dick for putting you through this. You deserve so much and more, and I'm so sorry that you ended up the way you did. Castiel quietly listened to his friends cry, unknown of whom he was talking about. Times here are real hard, I'm stuck in Purgatory, and I've just lost everyone. My family is nowhere to be seen or heard of, my angel left me with the demons after causing them to come. My friends all followed you and entered the next realm, oh Bobby I am so alone, and I could really use your help right about now. Bobby Singer, Dean was talking about Bobby.
Castiel went pale, his body temperature dropped even more so than he thought possible. Bobby Singer, the brave man who gave everything to his adopted sons. The man who drank too much, and saw too much for most people to be able to cope with. The husband who had to kill his wife twice, who had to watch his two boys go to hell and back, the hunter who gave his life in order to save people from the monsters of the world. The hunter who put himself in a wheelchair in order to save Dean from demons. He who saw all the good and bad that happened in the Winchester's lives and still loved them, who still tried to get them see the good that their own eyes refused to. The old drunk who sold his soul to the King of Hell so he could find a way to find Death and bring the apocalypse to an end. Bobby Singer, the human who loved Castiel as one of his own, who looked upon him with proud eyes, the man who gave Castiel a chance even when his own father abandoned him. Bobby Singer, the man who's death affects Castiel more than his own brothers, the man who is only dead for the actions he took. A single tear feel from his eye, a tear he thought not possible.
I guess its time for me to grow up and solve my own problems on my own now, cause you're in Heaven now and I am stuck in the abyss. Castiel was sobbing by this point. Thanks for all the things you did for me. You're the best dad that I ever had, I was to blind to see. And show you all the gratitude you deserved in your life. I was just too afraid of chick flick moments. You were the best now get your rest and go and join your wife. The was the last straw. Castiel was overcome by flashbacks of the past. First meeting Bobby in the barn all those years ago, first time entering Bobby's house. Fighting alongside Bobby, hunting with him and every moment in between. Dean wasn't done with his pray yet, but Castiel was no longer listening. Instead, he himself, was praying.
Bobby. I don't know if you can hear me, with the words coming from Purgatory and wall. But if you can, please don't try to tune me out. I do not deserve to say these words, I know, but I feel like I must for I am the reason that you are dead. Castiel paused, listening to see if Dean was still praying, hearing only silence, the fallen angel continued. I let the Leviathans out of their cage, I let them lose upon your world, I allowed them to run around causing trouble, I granted their freedom. It was my actions that put Dick Roman at that building that night, my actions that gave him the freedom to hold that gun in his hand. If I never sucked in all those souls the bullet would have remained in his gun, and your brain would have remained intact. The blood of your death is on my hands, and I know that there is no chance of redemption for me, not that I would want to redeem myself. I do not deserve it. Dean and Sam still mourn for you, Dean especially. The pain your passing caused him is pain no man should bear, let alone a man who has given so much for everyone else. You ran from your Reaper, you stayed behind Mr. Singer, you stayed with your boys. I understand why you did, those two assbutts are hard to leave. But Bobby, you almost became a venful spirit, the things you hunt, or used to hunt. If that happened Bobby I would never have forgiven myself, so thank you for being so strong. I'm sorry Bobby, I'm sorry, I am so sorry for what I did, what I caused. If I knew the outcome of winning the war I would have lost it willingly and happily. Your death was harsh and unfair, your life was worth more than angels who have been fighting for so long. I apologize for killing you, I know Dick pulled the trigger but I gave him the gun, and I do not know enough words to express my apologies. I promise you this though Bobby Singer, I will protect your boys our die at their side. I will listen to them, I will keep them safe to the best of my abilities. I promise you that I will remember you until the day I die, and if I come back from Death's grip I shall remember you then. I promise you that. You might be looking down upon me in the very moment pissed that I am nowhere near Dean, but Bobby please understand why I left him. The Leviathans are following me, they wish to cause me pain. Staying by Dean's side would only give them the opportunity to kill him. I cannot keep him safe near him, but from a distance I have a better chance. I hear his prayers, I listen, I feel his pain. Please, Bobby Singer, you great man, please forgive me for the wrongs I have done. And remember my promise Bobby, but above all watch over the Winchesters and help me keep them safe. I do not deserve any favors from you, I do not deserve anything but the pain of my guilt. But you deserve for them to be safe, and I fear that I cannot help you unless you help me as well. Goodbye Bobby, and I am sorry for what I did to you. Do me a favor, if you will, knowing you you will because you're the great Bobby Singer, the drunken man who cared to much. All I ask of you is this; Castiel stood up and took a deep breath. Remember me.
Castiel launched himself at the Leviathans stationed around him, and he fought them until he could fight no more. Using his last bit of strength, he flew back to his spot by the lake, watching the Leviathans surround him once more, and praying to Bobby to keep the boys safe, and to remember him.