Jareth was idly soaping up his hair
in the shower, singing at the top of his lungs to the Backstreet Boys,
when he heard the Royal Doorbell ring. In his Royal Voice, he cursed loud
enough to curl the Royal Wallpaper in the Royal Bathroom.
"I'm coming!" he yelled to whomever
had the nerve to come calling when the Goblin King was in
the shower. Quickly rinsing his hair out, and shutting off the water, he
then climbed out of the Royal Shower Stall, and reached for a towel.
"Bloody hell!" Jareth swore, as his
hand encountered thin air. "What have all the towels gooo-onnne?!" Deciding,
on the spur of the moment, that since someone had not done his job
of making sure the Almighty Goblin King had enough towels to dry his Royal
Body off with, that the other someone who had so rudely interrupted
his shower would pay for the other's insolence. Stalking angrily from the
Royal Bathroom, he walked briskly down the hallway to the Royal Elevator.
He jabbed his thumb against the 'down' button with an irritated huff escaping
his sensuous lips.
Nothing happened.
Now, in the past, whenever Jareth
had pushed a button to use the Royal Elevator, a small 'ding' had sounded,
and the doors would atomatically open for His Royal Highness. This time,
however, not only did the little 'ding' not sound, but the doors
did not open.
"Damn blasted bloody toadstools -"
Jareth swore, yet again. Turning on his heel, he strode down the hallway
and yanked open a door. He descended the stairs in that room...and the
next room as well...and the next...and the next...(After all, the Royal
Bathroom is on the 39th floor of the Royal Palace.)
Some time later, the Almighty Goblin
King arrived at the front door. Amazingly, the caller was still ringing
that damned Royal Doorbell.
"Well, what in the name of my dead
mother's toenails do you WANT?!!" Jareth roared angrily as he tore open
the front door.
There, on the front doorstep, wearing
the badge of a Girl Scout was...
...well, a Girl Scout.
Who promptly began to cry in fear
and utter horror. One must keep in mind, the Girl Scout couldn't have been
more than seven years old, and also, the Goblin King was wearing only his
Royal Birthday Suit.
"Oh, great. Just great," Jareth muttered,
right before he slammed the Royal Front Door in the terrified little girl's
face.
He stalked back up the 39 stairs
to the Royal Bathroom, and finished his interrupted shower very quickly,
no longer in the mood to belt out happy pop lyrics. He toweled himself
dry (the towels had mysteriously reappeared, you see), and pulled on the
Royal Bathrobe. He lumbered gracelessly into the Royal Orgy Room, where
he picked a bed at random, and lay down on it for a long, dreamless nap...
A few days later . . .
Jareth, the Almighty Goblin King,
was lounging in his Royal Reading Room. He had just finished a delicious
breakfast of Captain Crunch cereal and orange juice (not together, silly!)
and was now relaxing, reading the morning edition of the Underground Times.
After finishing the most important part (duh - that would be the comics!),
he decided to skim the titles on the front page...
"Oh, dear...this doesn't look good..."
he murmured, upon seeing, in big black ink, splashed across the top:
GOBLIN KING CAUGHT IN LEWD ACT WITH LOCAL GIRL
SCOUT
And, in a bit smaller print, above
the first paragraph of the article:
Girl only wanted to sell HRH some cookies
"I smell a lawsuit!" chimed one of
his goblins who happened to be in the room chasing dust bunnies.
"Go take a bath," Jareth muttered,
as he waved his hand and sent the goblin diving headfirst into the Bog
of Eternal Stench.
