I Walk in the Darkness
Fate HedgehogThey say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,
As much as I'd like to believe
I can't say the same thing goes for me, the lowly
As far as I can perceive.
* * *
They say that darkness only represents evil
I have something for them to tell:
That isn't only speculation as they say it is
From having drowned or fell.
* * *
Take myself for example, I walk in the darkness
Although I try to do what's right
Sentiment and fear clouds my judgement
And that's gotten me into many a fight.
* * *
I struggle my way alone through life
A loner, that's what I am.
I can't stand others always breathing down my neck
Do I fear them of a scam?
* * *
I push aside others who tell me that they care
And more than once have listened to lies
Of evils and monsters who's only home they have
Is within my sorrow and my cries.
* * *
Yet still the friends those fiends who torment me
Say that don't truly exist crowd 'round
To help me get through this life the best way I can.
Their generosity makes me feel down.
* * *
For, I don't know how to draw them nearer
I hate to tell about my life
To even my parents or relatives who ask quizzically
About my internal struggles and strife.
* * *
I have a little brother whom I devote to watch over
And even here its simple to understand
That because I can't control my personality and sociability
I drive him further back, away from my hand.
* * *
I try to make sure everything so fair for him
And that nothing should ever harm
But as I don't know to what limits to control myself
I'm an infestation beyond any possible swarm.
* * *
And then we have our 'fearless' leader
Our rougher who's name is Tai
And as much as I try to emerge from even his shadow
The only thing I can do is aimlessly try.
* * *
I can never become he whom he has
Who has understood his faults
And over that brick divider that keeps friends separated
He miraculously can vault.
* * *
The only one I think I know who really loves me
Is the a girl named Sora, but even there
I show how I don't know how to be nice nor even be mean
By just turning away with empty stare.
* * *
Over the time, her Crest known as love
Has gotten us very far, it's true
And when it shines in all its brilliance
You can almost feel her love shining too
* * *
But never when it has glowed in my presence
Whether in battle or on its own
I have never felt anything warming or calming about it
Like to me only it has no love to lone.
* * *
And there's another girl named Mimi,
A ditzy girl, in a very charming sort:
I think she likes me in the same way too
But then I don't have the heart.
* * *
She might appear slow to catch this on at first
But then it might also be expectation
That one day that I will find myself like I've hoped for long
And take her invitation.
* * *
But I am far more pessimistic about my life
And if ever in that way should have felt
I know that it would just make BOTH of our lives worse
And I'd never forgive myself.
* * *
What do I kid my life for now?
I know I'll never forgive myself for what I've done:
I'm hurt many, many other emotionally terribly
And ruined many more times of what would've been fun.
* * *
"Fun". And yet I have another
Concept that I don't even know there.
When at night we'd exchange stories and secrets
I stay long away and unaware.
* * *
I'd stay gone for long meters away
Sulking miserably in the depths of my own wake
Listen to my mind blame my heart blame my soul for everything
And play my harmonica besides some depressing lake.
* * *
They also say that everyone has emotions
That no one's truly made of stone.
As much as I'd like to believe this, oh yes I would
It only makes me more sick for a home.
* * *
I don't know how to say it truly,
"I have no emotions that I can depend"
For I don't want to depress myself any further
But the truth I can not bend.
* * *
I recall one event most likely,
The first one that has been imprinted as a curse
When we were back in our own world
To find the ninth child before anything got worse.
* * *
Tai had just left me with his sister Kari,
A cutie little sister just like my brother TK
And we've just been talking for a bit now
And then my non-emotions started calamity away.
* * *
She had asked really hopeful
Whether her brother who was gone would be alright?
He was out fighting against odds and being the hero.
Oh, if then and there had I only come to see the light.
* * *
But as it was, I should've given her an optimistic answer
A reply to brighten-up her question's demeanor
I had to blurt out uncontrollably whatever I was thinking, "Tai was a fool to do this"
And that struck her down as if it were more than just a slur.
* * *
She burst out into tears crying
And did little of nothing to help her at all
All I did was stand there in indifference
As I had to listen through her bawl.
* * *
But it was what my companions said to me next
That really riled me and imprint forever
"Matt, have you no feelings at all!?"
And even now I have no endeavor.
* * *
I think I was put on this Earth as a sham incarnate
A joke to which the gods can laugh
And sometimes think that ending it would be better for everybody
But I know that for others, it would make them sad.
* * *
And then I'd become a fanatic
Having broken its first rule
And then I'd just make their lives worse and then worse again
By admitting to my life: I am cruel
* * *
Destiny has a way for everybody
But it does not have anything for me
For no matter what I do to try and help out anybody
I just hurt them more. So now you see.
* * *
I walk among the darkness;
I don't know how to do what's right;
I'm alive for no reason in particular.
Oh dear God, may this please be my last night!
Yeah, I know I sound kind'a sad and sometimes slightly suicidal with what I write. If anyone would like me to try one that's actually on a 'happy' level from start to finish, feel free to just ask.
-- Fate --[Legal Mumbo-Jumbo: I don't own Digimon, I never did and I never will. Although, that doesn't mean I don't want to…]