Beep

(WARNING: ANGST ALERT. Also, even though I put Tea through hell in this piece, please realize that this is not a Tea-bashing story. Haters, go waste somebody else's space)

(A/N: Wow, this is rather depressing. I don't think I've written something so angsty before. I wanted to see how well I could write with angst without the romance factor (okay, fine, so there's some peach in there), and I'm not sure what to think of it yet. Please review and tell me your opinions)

(This is supposed to be set the summer after graduation, and Atem is gone.

(Disclaimer: No, I don't own Yugioh. Or Blackbird. Oh, wait, I just discovered that I actually am the Beetles, so never mind)

(For those who didn't catch that, I was totally J/K)

Beep. Beep.

A long pause. Then it began again. Beep. Beep. Her mind focused on those small, insignificant vibrations of sound. She had no eyes. She only had ears. In the abyss of darkness, that dull, unharmonic noise gave off small ripples of color. She searched for the tempo, but there was no rhythm to be found. She tried to find the note being sung. But it was dead –there was no beauty within its core. Just the metro of an irregular heart beat. Again and again, never willing to die: Beep. Beep.

Slowly, Tea's senses began to awaken. And she didn't like what she was feeling. She wanted to retreat into that safe dark place, where she could roam free, cut off from reality. But her body wouldn't let her, as Tea began to regain consciousness. The first thing she noticed was that she was lying down, wrapped within a light, soft surface, but her mattress too stiff to be comfortable. She was in a bed, but she wasn't at home. Her bed didn't feel this thin, this stiff. Then where was she? All around her, her senses were warning her of an unfamiliar environment, from the humming and beeping in the background, to whatever was stuck in her arm.

Finally, Tea willed herself to open her eyes. She squinted in the bright, florescent lights, her head spinning with dizziness. Her brain was absorbing information and reacting to it as half as fast as usual. As the fuzziness in her eyesight faded away, Tea noticed a face starting down at her that wasn't there a second ago. Its violet eyes started down into hers with relief, and a wide grin broke out upon its' face.

"Hey doctor! Guys! She's finally awake!"

Tea heard the shuffling of feet and the murmur of voices all around her. She began to realign her thoughts, as familiar voices circled her bed. That person…that boy…Yugi…and that must be Joey's voice…and Tristan…and could that be Mai? Tea still felt too weak to even sit up, but she could now focus her eyes. She could see her friends starting down at her, as well at Yugi's grandfather, and what she assumed to be a doctor, guessing from her white coat and notepad.

A doctor. She was in a hospital. Her eyes shifted back and forth. She realized that beeping in her subconscious was, in reality, no more then a heart monitor. She looked down at her left arm, and noticed that the irritation in her skin was caused by an IV. She started feeling woozy simply looking at it. Several wires were coming out of her body, monitoring her heart rate, her blood pressure, and other various factors of living. She was alive. But how much so?

Then she remembered. She remembered why she was in the hospital, why her friends looked down at her with expressions of pity and concern. Her memories of That Night had returned and hit her like a slap in the face. She had forgotten momentarily when she was still regaining consciousness, and she wanted to forget again. She still couldn't believe That Night actually had passed…it was supposed to be the perfect night…she was supposed to have the perfect future…

Tea, and her mother and father were going out to celebrate Tea's acceptance into AMDA in New York City. Finally, after all those years of work and strife, she was going to be able to live out her dreams. Tea couldn't be happier. Her parents couldn't be more proud. Then it all went wrong. A car out of nowhere…the screeching of wheels on the road…the shattering of glass…an unbearable pain running through her body as something pierced her spine, as her legs turned to ice…then darkness. Nothing but darkness.

Tea could feel her hands trembling, overwrought with emotion. Every terrifying moment was now sharp and vivid in her mind. Her body was still exhausted, and unable to keep up with the fast pace her mind was moving at. Her body felt like a prison; her brain was screaming to be let out.

She couldn't hear the words of comfort seeping from the doctor's lips, the kindness shining from her eyes. She sat down next to Tea, and in a calm tone explained Tea's situation. But she didn't hear. She could only hear the question pounding into her mind, urging to be asked. She wanted to know…she had to know…

"Where are my parents?"

The first words. They had an immediate effect on everyone. She could tell. She could see the faces of happiness and relief turning into ones of disturbance and worry. But they were wrong. Her parents were okay. They had to be alright. She was alright

The doctor lightly touched Tea's hand, trying to comfort her (or calm her), and spoke in her soothing voice. "I don't think we should discuss your parents right now in your present condition. You're still very unstable. We should be talking about your future-"

"Where are they?" Tea's voice was wobbly, and cracked from desperation. But she had to know the truth. She had to know the truth. She felt like a child again. She needed her mother's arms around her…comforting her… "Please, please tell me…"

Her body was finally regaining strength. She attempted to sit up in her bed. Her arms were able to comply, but her legs were strangely stiff. She tried to bend her legs to get them in a better position. But they didn't move. Her heart began to race faster, as Tea starred at her legs, as if willing them to move, to feel….but nothing. She couldn't feel anything.

"W-why can't I f-feel my l-legs?" Tea was fully awake now, adrenaline rushing through her veins. "Why can't they move?!"

"Tea, listen, you need to calm down..."

But she didn't want to listen. Her heart was pounding in her head, and she felt like it was about to explode. This was all a nightmare. A bad dream. Why couldn't she wake up?

"Where are they?? Where's Mom and Dad?!"

She was screaming. A few images transferred to her brain: Her friends being pushed out of the room. Three nurses running to her side. The world was spinning. Her world was done.

Before anyone could do anything, Tea ripped the IV out of her left arm-it hurt like hell, but at least she knew she could still feel it-ripped off the sheets, and pierced it into her leg. She braced herself for the excepted pain. But nothing. No pain, not even a sensation of touch. She jabbed the IV into her skin again, and again, and it began to bleed. Why couldn't she feel the pain? Why?

"Why can't I feel them, dammit!! Why the hell can't I feel them!?" The red, sticky substance was trickling from her wound, and plastered all over her fingers. She wanted pain, welcomed it. But it wasn't coming. She could feel the firm hands grasping her wrists, as she struggled to get free. Alarms went off all around her. Someone put a mask over her face, as Tea struggled to breathe. She couldn't breathe fast enough to get air into her lungs. She was dieing….dieing….

--()--()--()--()--()--()--

Tea slowly opened her eyes. She was still dizzy from her drug induced sleep, the smell of gas still in her nostrils. Her body responded faster then the first time she woke up…the first time she…

Franticly, Tea tried to move her arms, but they were in restraints. Her previous act probably didn't leave her very high in terms of trust with the doctors. But she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve any of this. She felt like she was in a prison, now more then ever. She was trapped in this bed, trapped in this room. Trapped in this body that she could never escape from, with these legs that hung limp from her waist.

The doctor walked into the room, and sat beside Tea's bedside. Tea turned her head to stare at the doctor. "Can't you take these God-awful things off my wrists? They're the worst fashion icons I've ever seen", she said, trying to make the situation seem less serious. At least she had a little spunk left in her.

"It depends," replied the tight-lipped doctor, obviously not amused. "Are you calm and reasonable enough to listen now, Tea?"

Tea nodded. Anything to get these terrible wristbands off her. But the doctor shook her head. "It's best you keep those on for now. After your last fiasco, we're not sure how you are going to react to what I'm going to tell you."

Tea knew there was no point in debating. She was a prisoner, after all.

"In the accident, your legs and parts of your spine went through some serious nerve damage. There isn't any easy way to tell you this…" Tea knew that line. It always came before the worst piece of news. "You're legs don't work, Tea. You're paralyzed from the waist down."

Everything shattered. Her dreams, shattered. Her future, shattered. This couldn't be right. This couldn't be true.

"But there is some hope for you. It will require some intense rehabilitation, but if you work long enough, and hard enough, you might be able to walk again. But the chances are very slim, Tea. And sometimes, no matter how hard you try, there's nothing you can do."

"Will I be able to dance again?" Oh, God.

The doctor touched Tea's arm lightly with her terrible hand of death. "You're 17, Tea. You're still young. You still have a lifetime ahead of you. Even in your condition, there are hundreds of careers you can follow. Dancing…just can't be one of those options anymore."

Tea could see through her reasonable words, trying to soften up the truth. But she knew the truth. And the truth hurt. It hurt like no pain she ever experienced. Because she knew.

She was never going to dance again.

Tea needed her parents. She needed them to comfort her, to tell her everything was going to be okay. She needed them there, like they were all her life. She needed their support. She needed their love.

"Doctor, where are my parents?" Tea's voice was weak with desperation again, her eyes on the verge of tears. "Please, can I see them?"

She doctor sighed. "Perhaps its best if we focus on making you better prepared for the future." She started, trying to play that card again. "We can start you on rehab-"

"Doctor. Please tell me. I promise I don't be as…drastic as last time. Really, I do. I just have to know…I have to know that they're okay…" They had to be okay. They just had to…

The doctor's eyes filled with sadness. She took a deep breath, and said: "All right, Tea. You're parents are not okay. Your father was killed on impact. And your mother…the accident induced your mother into a coma. A coma that she will probably never wake from. She's barely alive. The only reason she is alive is because she's living off of machines. She might as well be dead. I'm sorry, Tea. I'm truly, truly sorry."

She didn't scream.

She didn't react. She just lied there, starring at the white tiled ceiling. A month ago, a week ago, a day ago, she had a mom, and dad, and a dream. But now they were gone, dust in the wind. She couldn't accept this. It was too hard. And so she didn't.

Tea laid there, time flying before her eyes. She didn't know how much time had passed since That Day. Days, months, years? It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. At some point, someone took the retrains off her wrists, but she didn't care. Her friends started visiting her again, but she didn't notice. She was moved out of extensive care, and given a room with a window view as an attempt to cheer her up. She just starred out of the glass, not a word escaping her lips. She remained silent. Silent as death itself.

"It's her eyes, doctor. It's like…her body's alive, but her eyes are empty. It's as if she's already dead."

Yugi's concerns didn't even rouse Tea, emotionally or physically. She was dead. She had no point of living. Summer turned to fall, as time continued to pass in a blink of an eye. In one moment there was Joey, joking about college life, trying to make her smile again. The next there was Mai, stroking her brown hair, talking about the death of her own parents and learning to move on with her life. A line a faces passed by every second: Joey. Tristan. Serenity. Mai. Duke. And Yugi. The one who tried the hardest, who cared the most, who's every effort failed in vain.

"What a beautiful day!" said Yugi, stretching his arms as he walked into the room.

With a wide smile on his face, he walked towards the window. "The leaves look so pretty today, with their changing colors. It's almost magical. Don't you think so, Tea?"

No response.

"You know, you should really try to get out more often," continued Yugi, not missing a beat. "Nature has a way of perking up your mood. I'll open the window for you."

Yugi gave a tiny sigh of frustration, as the chill of autumn entered the room. Day after day, it was like this. He would walk into the room, and act as if he and Tea were actually having a conversation. He dropped off his school bag, and sat next to Tea's bed. Today, he decided to take another road of action. "I really don't know what to do, Tea. No matter what I do, you don't respond. You're not even willing to be comforted. Why, Tea? Why can't you talk to me?"

Her eyes didn't even blink. Those empty holes that continued for forever just kept on staring. Yugi scooted his chair closer to Tea's side, and began talking again. "Do you remember back when I lost my soul? How Atem was so devastated when he lost me?"

Atem. She loved him once, didn't she?

"To see someone who's usually so strong break down so easily…really scarred me, Tea. He was my rock. He was my protector. But he was broken, and I didn't know how to fix him. And his eyes were empty. Like yours. He had given up."

She remembered him. The sight of him on the ground, crying, screaming to the heavens.

"Ever since I first met you Tea, you were strong one. You defended me. You weren't afraid to take chances, or risk danger. You were the one who helped me when I felt like giving up. You fought for me, and put me back on my feet."

He was broken, his eyes were empty.

"To see you like this Tea…it scares me even more. And it hurts, Tea. I wish you would let me comfort you. We've all experienced pain before, and we've all felt like giving up. But that's what friends are for, right? You always used to say that. Our bond used to be one of the most important things to keep alive. But now…now you're tossing it aside like it doesn't matter."

His eyes were closed. He had given up.

"You're ignoring us like we don't matter anymore. But we care about you Tea. I care about you. All these years, you've never even looked my way, but I couldn't help the way I felt about you. Even after you started loving Atem, I didn't stop thinking about you. Tea, I love you."

Tea slowly turned her head. Tears were streaming down his face, his eyes puffy and red. He struggled to keep his voice steady as he carried on. "I love you Tea. I always have. And to see someone I love in so much pain…and not knowing how I could possibly help you….hurts so bad!"

Tea continued to stare at Yugi, her head tilted, almost as if she was confused. Yugi…loved him?

Yugi whipped his tears from his eyes, and reached down to get something from his bag. He placed it on the table beside her. It was an iPod.

"My father used to abuse me. Every night was utter hell for me, every night I wanted to just die from all the pain. My mother was no comfort to me; she was in a worse state then I was. I started cutting myself. There were a few times when I actually wanted to kill myself. But things got better, Tea. After my dad died, I moved in with my grandpa. I met you. I got the millennium puzzle. These past few years have been the best in my life."

Yugi rolled down his sleeve, to show the healed-over slashes down his wrist. "Wounds heal, Tea. It will get better, and easier for you over time. But you have to let your wounds heal first."

He pulled his sleeve back over his arm, and paused a moment. He reached out for his iPod, and started searching through the song list. "On those nights, when I felt unbelievably crappy, when I wanted to kill myself, and cut myself until I ran out of blood, there was a song I listened to. It might sound stupid, but something about it comforted me, and spoke to me. Maybe it will be able to help you."

Yugi placed the iPod on Tea's nightstand again, and waited. Tea blinked. Yugi sighed. The sun was setting over the picturesque town. The sky was painted a million colors, blending softly together. Soon, the beauty of a sunset would be gone, and it would be night.

"Well," said Yugi softly, as he stood by the door. He had done all he could do. This was his last card. He didn't know what he'd do if it didn't work. "Good night."

The door clicked behind him. She was alone again. She stared at the iPod for a while. Then, she reached out and took the iPod from the stand.

She plugged the buds into her ears, and turned the iPod on. The movements were so natural, movements she used to make everyday of her life. The way the iPod settled into her formed hands in that perfect way somehow comforted her. It was as if she was welcoming back an old friend. She pressed the smooth, round button, and for the first time in a long time, listened.

Music. She had forgotten about music. She used to love it, be obsessed about it. Chords bounced back and forth, notes swayed with the tempo. She could see the colors dancing in her mind, over and over. Beauty had returned to the empty abyss, waking Tea from her slumber, taking Tea's soul up in arms. She wanted to give in to it. She wanted to so badly.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arrive

Her heart swelled. She never wanted this to happen. She never wanted this burden, it was forced upon her. Was this all her life was meant for? The rest of her days, parentless, stuck in a bed? What had she done to deserve this punishment? How could God possibly be so cruel, so unforgiving? Why…why…why?

Tea was overcome with emotion. She couldn't hold it all in anymore. She finally let go.

She released all of her pain, and her sadness and despair. Round, wet tears ran from her blue eyes, and she cried. It was the first time she had cried time since she had entered the hospital, the first time she mourned her situation, and herself. She cried. And cried and cried. But when she was done, she felt…lighter, somehow. It was as if a boulder was removed from her chest, and she was allowed to breathe again.

She had been afraid to feel anything. The pain of moving on was too hard for her to bear, and so she let herself be numb. She stopped living. But…being numb was useless. Useless as the sticks at the end of her body. Being numb would get her nowhere. She had to be the one to hoist herself up. She had to learn a new kind of strength, a strength she never though she would need before. She would need the strength of acceptance.

The strength to learn to live with her paralyzed legs. The strength to mourn her father. The strength to let her mother go.

The pain of losing her parents, the ache in her heart, would never go away, as long as she lived. But it would get easier. It was like Yugi said: wounds heal, but you have to let them. There will always be scars. But there were people who would comfort her, people she could lean on…Yugi. Yugi said he loved her.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see


All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

By allowing herself to feel again, the emptiness in her heart was being filled again. She once again had the will to live, when only three minutes ago she had given up on life completely. Her heart was raging with defiance, ready to burst. She would prove them wrong. She would walk again. She would start rehab the next day, work long and hard, and she would walk again. And she would dance again. She didn't care if took months, years, centuries. She didn't care if she missed this one chance, this one college. She was born to dance. And she would die to dance.

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

A song. A lullaby whispered into her ear. One song was all it took to touch her heart again. She listened to the lyrics, the beauty of her faithful music. And she understood.

One second was all it took for Tea's life to be painted black. Her wings broken, torn, and withered. For some reason, she was alive, and was expected to continue to live without her legs, and without her parents. But she would learn to fly again. And she would soar into the heavens, as all others watch in awe. And she would feel the wind in her feathers, and she flies on for eternity.

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night