Welcome to the epidemic! Original idea from Cereberus Revised's Uke Flu who graciously OK'd me using the idea and bringing it to the bleach-verse. The original is based on Junjou Romantica and I suggest you read it if familiar with the anime. The Junjou characters Misaki and Usami make a quick cameo to help explain things, and if you are interested in Misaki's story please read Cereberus's Days without sun.
Without further ado, catch the bug!
Ichigo turned on the TV and let out a groan "not this again!" He buried his hands in his orange locks in obvious despair.
"Whats that Kurosaki? More about how you fucked over gay society as a whole?" A very large Uryu waddled into view, looking very much like he had swallowed a basketball. His eyes flicked to the TV where a young news reporter was speaking, tuning out Ichigo's grumbling he listened closely.
"The virus M3PREG36 now also called the "uke flu" is rapidly spreading in Karakura town and is soon expected to become a global epidemic. The initial patient, who shall remain anonymous, was seen by a young resident at a local hospital. Without knowing it the flu was passed to the doctor who in turn carried it out into the world, currently it is believed that seme's cannot become ill but are used by the virus as carriers to infect the uke's. The virus is airborne and also found in bodily secretions; it is advised if you are part of the homosexual community to abstain from any risky behavior until further notice." The new caster began to fidget uncomfortably in his chair as his co anchor, noticing his discomfort, took over for him.
"Thank you Sion" she said smoothly, her voice holding no trace of worry but Uryu noticed her eyes were keenly watching her partner. "As Sion said, please abstain until further notice. If you should find yourself a victim or know someone who is there are many resources available for help, please visit our website for a list of clinics and other options." Her face paled slightly as she saw her partner clamp a hand over his mouth and dash off, Uryu didn't see much except that his middle was swollen, a sure sign the man had the flu. He surmised that clearly the woman was not homosexual and therefore immune to the flu to a certain extent, it seemed only the gay community was affected.
He pinned his gaze on his partner, who was looking a little green and sniffed, pushing his glasses further up on the bridge of his nose.
"I don't know what you're so upset about, it's not like you're the one whose pregnant" he huffed.
"No" Ichigo said quietly "but it's kind of my fault right? I was the one who was in contact with Misaki first."
"And you were doing all you could to help that poor, terrified young man after his ordeal" Uryu said, settling himself down next to the other man slowly.
"He was so scared" Ichigo said, looking down at his clasped hands "but his partner, you know Usami Akihiko?" Uryu nodded, who didn't know that famous author? Ichigo continued "he was so worried, he finally found him but Misaki had been tortured and experimented on. We didn't know to what extent right away, and by the time we realized about the virus it was too late." His brown eyes fell to Uryu's swollen mid section. Uryu let a ghost of a smile cross his lips, his seme was distraught over all that had happened and understandably so, still it really wasn't anyone's fault. He placed his pale hand over Ichigo's and laid it on his belly.
"It's ok, in a way. Many gay couples want children and can't have them, now they can" he smiled, or tried to but it ended up looking like a snarl. "Ichigo" he asked, his tone low, "you've been to soul society recently right? Do you think…" he trailed off, the rest didn't need to be said. Ichigo's brown eyes widened in worry and his head drooped.
"Rukia said that shinigami can't get sick because they are souls, and since they can't get sick then this shouldn't affect them!" He said brightly, clearly grateful for that one small mercy. Uryu smiled knowingly, things with Ichigo were never that simple and he thought perhaps he needed to pay a visit to their shinigami friends himself; just to be sure.
"Go away Kyoraku, I can handle myself I don't need you smothering me all day."
"Juuuu"the brunette whined pitifully, his eyes pleading, "you've been sick for weeks and aren't getting any better I can't possibly rest easy with you in this state."
"That may be true, but I certainly don't need you hovering around me all day when you have work to do" the white haired man fixed him with a pointed stare.
"Fine" the brunette gave in easily, but then again he would do anything to please his lover, even if it meant leaving him alone. "Before I go is there anything you need?" Ukitake shook his head no and leaning down Kyoraku placed a soft kiss of the man's forehead before leaving, looking back once to wave.
"He really is such a fool" Ukitake muttered to the ceiling as he drifted off to sleep.
Hours later he awoke to find the house completely dark and still, slowly he got up and shrugging on his warmest robe made his way to the porch. Unsurprisingly he found two things waiting for him, Kyoraku Shunsui and a bottle of sake, smiling he sat down, snuggling into the larger man's warmth.
"How long have you been out here?"
"Only a little while" the brunette responded, dropping a kiss on the tip of his nose as he pulled him closer. Ukitake hummed and placed his head on the broad shoulder as he listened to his lover recount the day's events including a rather ill looking Yumichika who had vomited on his feet during their sparring session. The rather flamboyant Yumichika had been offended at what happened and Kyoraku had to spend a good half hour reassuring the man he was still beautiful despite vomiting on his feet. Ukitake had to laugh at that, it was so typical of the man, who stuck out like a sore thumb in the eleventh. Eventually their conversation turned to comfortable silence and Ukitake began to feel sleepy again, slowly drifting off to the sound of Kyoraku's heartbeat and the wind moving slowly through the trees, he closed his eyes and then snapped them wide open.
Ukitake didn't think he had moved so fast in his life, as soon as he closed his eyes the world was pulled out from under him and he was sent spinning. All he knew was one second he was comfortably snuggling with his lover, the next on his knees in his own front yard expelling the contents of his stomach most violently. He felt Kyoraku's large hands on his back, making soothing circles as he continued to heave, even when there was nothing left. When he had an attack it was coughing, never vomiting, and at this moment he thought that coughing was winning out on which he would rather do. Despite the fact he had completely emptied his stomach his body wouldn't stop quivering and heaving, as if it were trying to turn him inside out. A sharp pain shot through his abdomen and out through his navel as he began retching again, bringing up bright yellow bile.
"Juu.." Kyoraku said worriedly "Juu, come on let's get you to the fourth."
Ukitake grinned lamely "yea, not like you need another person puking on your feet today." Kyoraku let out a small chuckle as he lifted the white haired captain his arms.
"Come on love, let's go see what your problem is, besides me" he winked and began to slowly walk towards the 4th, careful not to jostle his precious cargo too much.
Retsu had unbraided and re braided her hair at least a dozen times in frustration. Her friends had come in, Ukitake in a sorry state, unable to stop retching and Kyoraku greatly concerned despite his calm demeanor. In all the year she had known the pair, which was quite a few; she had never seen Ukitake reduced to this during any of his attacks. She was certain this was something different, he usually coughed up blood, yet here he was retching up bile. Her vice-captain had given the poor man anti emetics and they seemed to be working as he was now complaining about severe muscle pain in his middle, which was to be expected from all of the heaving. She finished braiding her long mane of dark hair and impatiently tapped her fingernail against her desk, it wouldn't be long now before the blood work was back and hopefully that would shed some light onto the situation. Her thoughts were interrupted when a small voice sounded from the doorway.
"Captain, the blood work is back. You may want to take a look, it's ah unusual." She nodded, and composing herself for what she was about to see she pushed her chair back and got up.
"Thank you" she said taking the papers from her subordinate's hands, the man nodded and left the room. Her eyes glided quickly over the papers, checking for any abnormalities, noting that his iron level was within normal limits as were his BUN and creatinine which dictated kidney function. Then her dark eyes caught a number in a slot that was never associated with male, he had a reported level of 133 in the HCG level column. HCG Human Chorionic Gonadotropin was not something men had as it was only found in the bloodstream during pregnancy, and Ukitake's levels indicated he was at least 2 weeks pregnant. She slowly lowered herself to the floor, not trusting her ability to walk as her mind reeled, trying to absorb the phenomenon.
Elsewhere in Seireitei Yumichika was enjoying a quiet nighttime stroll with his lover when he felt a slow crawl of energy up his spine. He turned his head toward the fourth as he recognized Retu's immense energy flowing out of her in agitated waves.
"What could be wrong?" He asked, curious.
His lover shook his shaggy head "it is the hospital; there is no telling what's going on in there. She is unusually upset though." He murmured drawing his beautiful mate closer into him.
"Well, I for one want to stay as far away from that place as possible" Yumichika sniffed in disgust, being sick was not beautiful. He was feeling markedly better since this afternoon when he had vomited on Kyoraku's feet, who assured him that he still looked quite graceful, even while vomiting. Little did Yumichika know the irony of his statement as he continued to walk peacefully beside his lover without a care in the world.
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