Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls. So don't sue me.
Summary: Jess has left. Rory is alone. This is her dealing with his leaving. One shot
Rating: K+
Author's Note: I know that it's been awhile since I've posted anything, and I'm very sorry for that. I can't promise any great turn around, but I'm trying not to forget about you guys again. Not that I forgot about you, more like other things took over my life. Anyway, here you go. A little one shot for you all. I've put myself up on the beta reader list to, if anyone wants me to work on their stuff, just send me a message or an email. Enjoy!
Title: A Little Closure
She looked up from her book expectantly as the warm aroma of fresh coffee aroused her senses, but then chastised herself for such foolishness. He was gone. He left without saying goodbye, and he wasn't coming back. Why would he? She hadn't meant anything to him in the first place. Just someone to make this tiny town a little less boring. She was just like all those other girls pinned against a tree. But she didn't believe that, or she didn't want to. One or the other. She knew that she cared for him. She loved him. Damn it! She promised herself that she wouldn't think that. She didn't need to think it. That would only make life harder. Why should she think that she loved him when he so obviously didn't love her? He left her without saying goodbye. Who does that? Not someone who loves you, that's for sure.
She tried to return to her book. She curled her legs up under her on the park bench and stared down at the worn pages in front of her. She hadn't even realized what book she'd picked up. She just grabbed one and ran out of the house, needing some time alone. Now she thoroughly regretted her choice. His small, cramped handwriting dominated the margins of her book, and with every sentence she read, her eyes moved to his notes and she lost all trains of thought. Angrily she closed the book and began to walk. She had no destination, but the cool air against her face and the movement of her body soothed her somehow. She wandered close to the diner and almost stepped in until in her mind's eye she saw him serving coffee behind the counter, smirking like he always did. She couldn't go there, so she wandered more.
She passed the gazebo but didn't dare stop. Just laying eyes on it sent shivers down her spine. Thousands of memories or kissing each other, holding each other, being with each other, flooded her mind. Tears began to well up behind her eyes as she thought back to the first time she thought she might love him. They were on that gazebo. His hand was cupping her face the other on her waist, and she stared straight into his deep brown eyes. She'd pushed the thought straight out of her mind. This was just high school puppy love, she thought. Nothing serious. She could never end up heartbroken from it or anything. She laughed cynically at the idea. How wrong had she been?
She walked on, past small corners where they'd whispered to each other, past the school where he was supposed to be going. She stopped there and stared angrily at the building, daring it to stare back at her, daring it to mock her heart ache. He'd flunked out, that's why he left, and he couldn't even tell her that. She knew that it was insane to be angry at a building, but she couldn't help it. This building pushed him into leaving, and she wanted it to hurt it. In a spurt of incoherent anger, she bolted toward the front door of the school and began pounding on the metal ports. She yearned to dent the frames and shake the doors from their hinges. She forced her fists harder and harder against them, ignoring the pain in her wrists from the constant pressure, but the doors didn't yield. Someone passing by yelled her name, and she realized what she had been doing. She wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to walk away with dignity. The other person looked at her skeptically when she swore that she was okay, but walked away nevertheless.
A few deep breaths later she had herself under control and began walking again, trying her hardest not to think of him but failing miserably. Every little leaf that blew away reminded her of him. For the past two years he was this town to her. He was as big a part in her life as her mother, as this town where she'd grown up, and she didn't understand how she'd been so stupid as to put her all into someone who left her alone without saying goodbye. A piece of hair fell into her face. She moved to pull it behind her ear but stopped halfway into the motion when an image or his face came before her eyes. She saw his strong jaw bone, his long face, his slightly sunken cheeks, his deep brown eyes, his perfectly shaped, full lips curved into his usual smirk, his eyebrows set pensively as they always were, and his black hair gelled in a way so that it was perfectly imperfect. This teasing specter stared back at her, and she could feel his warmth as she had so many times. She imagined him pulling the loose piece of hair back behind her ear and kissing her forehead as he always had before. She reached up to touch his face, to feel him, to make sure that he was real, and as her hand was about to make contact, he disappeared. Her hair was still in her face, and she was again standing on the street alone.
A single tear rolled down her cheek, but she hastily wiped it away and began walking again, this time counting her steps to keep her mind busy, but counting her steps didn't hold her attention long. She passed the video store and began to laugh as an image of Bambi came into her mind. The laugh didn't last long though. Following the image of the cartoon deer was an image of the boy who put the adult film in its place, the boy who caused so much mischief in the little town, the boy who made a chalk outline of a dead body outside of the grocery store, the boy who stole her neighbor's gnome, the boy who stole money from the bridge fund. She tried to chase it away, but she couldn't. She was so tired of seeing his face in her mind. He wasn't coming back. He didn't care. He wasn't worth this. Everyone said that. Everyone knew that he would break her heart. Everyone but her.
Her feet were moving again. This time on their own accord. They carried her out of town and down a small track of land in the woods. On some level she knew where she was going and she didn't want to go there, but another part of her was screaming that she needed to go. If she couldn't go there, then she'd never really be over him, and if she never got over him, then she'd always be walking around town aimlessly, crying and beating on school doors. She reached the tree near the end of the bridge and stopped. No one was there. The scene was quiet. The water swirled slowly beneath the wooden planks. The spot screamed peace and tranquility, and it was enough to make her cry. She wandered onto the worn boards of the bridge and sat down when she reached the middle. She brought her knees together and placed her chin atop them. She sat still and silently, staring at the water for a minute until she thought of him again. She thought how this was their spot, how whenever something went wrong, they came here, and they could always find each other here. Secretly she hoped that he would come and meet her there. That he would sense that she was distraught and come to her rescue, but that only made her feel worse. Her breath shortened to shallow sobs, and tears began to flow down her face. She rolled onto her side in her ball and let the tears run down the side of her face and onto the bridge. She stayed like that for an hour, letting all of the emotion drain out of her, and fell asleep. When she awoke, the sun was setting, far different from the noon time light that she'd fallen asleep beneath. Slowly she wandered her way back into town, in some ways emptier, but in others more accomplished. Wallowing was the first step in getting over him.
Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, let me know in a review. If you didn't, let me know why you didn't in a review. It's a win win situation. You get to let out all of your feelings, and I get to feel loved. Until next time my friends.