Disclaimer: Don't own torch wood.
Just had to write this after the shocking season final.
XxXx
Jack sits with his back to his brothers pod, knees folded and curled up tightly to his chest. He sits pensively, staring at the space Tosh died. He slowly fingers a black studded wrist band, turning it over and over, memorising every raised lump by touch. You don't comment because there's nothing to say. Tosh you liked her.
The hub seems to echo with the presence of the ones that aren't there. Their voices reverberate up and down the corridors ahead of you. Sometimes you imagine you can hear them laugh as you enter the toilet. It would be the type of thing Owen would do. Owen you didn't like him. No you didn't.
Gwen wonders aimlessly about, every now and then touching the surface of a desk, running her finger tips over a wall or hovering her hand over a computer screen. All places where Tosh had been. You politely pretend not to notice the pair of glasses clipped to her belt.
You sit at your desk and work. Its the only thing you can do, someone has to protect the earth. You twiddle the pencils in their coffee cup and sigh. You would give anything to hear a smart assed joke.
The other two are wallowing away in their tiny secluded grief bubble while you stand on its fringes being Ianto the guy that knows everything. Except you don't because you have no idea how to get rid of the bothersome feeling of emptiness in your chest.
Gwen absently turns on a light near the medical bay and freezes, obviously thinking about Owen. Jack looks up at the light, the twirling wrist band pauses, they make eye contact and connect with each other in a way that shuts you out. Not that you where included in the first place.
They cried together. They sat red faced, snot dripping, chest heaving, clasped together and sobbed their hearts out. You stood and watched. It didn't feel right for you to join in. They grieved together and you couldn't allow yourself to display such gregarious emotion so were locked out of the bonding like you didn't care about Owen and Tosh as much as they did.
Your Ianto and you'll get through this like you always do. Somehow. Its not as if its you that died.
Gwen parades Tosh's glasses and Jack grips Owen's wrist band and together they show solidarity. You don't do anything so pathetic.
So what if you sit at Owen's desk and watch Tosh's message a few hundred times?
It doesn't mean your grieving and it certainly doesn't mean you miss them.