A low bang noise shook Holly out of her deep sleep. She rubbed her eyes and through the fog of fatigue, attempted to figure out where the bang came from.
Now she heard it, the, "Owww. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Stupid. Shit. Owww. Fuck," being whispered in the dark.
"Gail?"
"Oh my god, I'm sorry. I was trying not to wake you, but," she inhaled deeply, "ahh… it hurts… I stubbed my toe on the fucking dresser again. But I'm good. Go back to sleep," Gail limped over to her side of the bed and crawled under the covers. She curled up facing away from Holly.
"Do you think it's broken? I could look it over for you if you want," Holly offered even though she knew the response.
"I'm fine. Yeah, I would love to push the dresser off the rooftop, just to see it explode into a million tiny pieces… But my toe only stung a little. I'm all good now. I'll try harder to avoid the stupid thing next time."
"I don't care that you woke me up. I like to know when you get home," Holly's voice was riddled with concern, "but why'd you get home so late. I thought that your shift ended at one, it's nearly four now."
"It was just a regular shift. Nothing special," Gail shrugged as she felt Holly's eyes on the back of her head, "No biggie. I just had some paper work that I wanted to get a head start on for this training thing coming up."
"Don't lie to me. A head start? On paper work? You always procrastinate on your paper work. What's going on?"
The small blonde stared out the window into the night sky and curled tighter. Her own body betrayed her when she let out a shaky breath.
"Gail. Gail, look at me," Holly's voice grew softer as she placed a hand on Gail's arm, "Are you crying?"
"No," Gail rolled over to face her girlfriend.
The glow of a streetlight spilled in through the open window and illuminated Gail's face. Holly could see now that Gail had yet to shed any tears but her blue eyes were glassy and distant. She was fighting against losing her composure, losing her control, losing it.
"Please tell me what's going on," Holly pleaded.
"It's nothing. It's dumb. It's okay. I just had a long day. There's nothing to really talk about."
"I don't believe you. I can see that there's something wrong. I know you. I'm here for you always. You know that right? You don't need to be tough for me."
"I know," said Gail with dryer eyes now, "but I'm tired. I need to sleep."
By now Holly knew how to walk the line; the delicate balance between pushing Gail to open up and giving her space to work through it. A few times, Holly had pushed too hard, causing in huge arguments that end with Gail giving the cold shoulder for a few days. Other times, Holly hadn't pushed at all. Both resulted in Holly never knowing what had bothered her girlfriend that day or that week.
"Tomorrow morning?"
Gail sighed and gave a half smile, "Yeah, we can talk tomorrow morning. Can I please just go to sleep now?"
"Pinkie swear," Holly held out her hand and stuck out her pinkie, "Don't look at me like that. You know I'm serious."
"Pinkie swear? You're the smartest person I know, but sometimes, I swear that you're really ten years-old in there," but she obliged and linked her pinkie with Holly's.
"No way. Come on. I like cheesy horror movies and you know that I like to paint my toenails a different colour every week. My mind has at least matured to twelve," Holly raised an eyebrow.
"Fine. Alright," Gail smirked, "Twelve it is."
"Damn straight," Holly said as she moved to close the gap between them.
Gail just rolled her eyes.
"I love you," Holly whispered.
"Same, but you know, minus all the mushy words stuff."
"I know," Holly smirked and gently kissed Gail's nose.
Gail made a squishy scrunched face and wriggled her nose like she always does. It's an expression on Gail that Holly adores more than anything.
"Good," Gail smiled as she positioned herself half on top of Holly and nuzzled her face into her girlfriend's neck. She took a moment to breathe in that sweet aroma that could only be described as 'Holly'; light perfume, hand sanitizer, coconut shampoo, and something else.
"Goodnight," Holly kissed Gail's head and brought the covers up around their shoulders. Feeling better that Gail had agreed to talk later and cozy now, with her arms wrapped tightly around her girlfriend, Holly closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.
Gail lay there wide eyed in Holly's arms most of the night. Feeling safe and loved, but never able to stop thinking. Never able to shake the images, the voices, the damp, the smells, the faces, from her thoughts. Eventually the exhaustion became too much and her vivid thoughts turned to vivid dreams, taking her places that she didn't want to go.