Who doesn't like pie?

by Asajitheraven

Cube is fed up with Soda and Clutch always trashing the kitchen when it is her turn to cook and takes matters into her own hands... much to their dismay. Rated T for a bit of language and implied violence.

Disclaimer: Wish I owned Jet Set Radio but I don't. Sega and Smilebit still do. Oh well.

Who doesn't like pie?

Cube stood in the center of the communal kitchen that the GG's shared with a slight frown on her face. Her gaze roamed over the dirty dishes stacked in the sink, the empty and half empty boxes of cereal and prepackaged meals in disgust. "How the hell do they expect me to cook anything in this pig sty?" She fumed silently. "Every time it's my turn to cook dinner I walk into a dumpster. Why?" Picking up a spoon with dried, caked on oatmeal she lightly jabbed at a congealing mass of unidentifiable goo and growled. "That's it." She muttered darkly. "I can't take it anymore."

Tossing the spoon down on the debris she spun on her heel and stormed out in search of the rest of the gang. She found them exactly where she thought they would be- in the open aired area they dubbed the garage. She watched Boogie, Mew, and Gum peruse fashion magazines and laugh as they drew disfiguring scars and clown shoes on the super models.

Would they have left a mess? No. Cube mentally shook her head. Those three and Jazz hated a messy kitchen as much as she herself did. They would never have left the inside of a trashcan all over the counters… and stove… and floor… and walls… *sigh* and the ceiling.

Combo and Jazz were currently racing one another around the sunken track. They looked to be neck and neck at the moment. Combo would never have left a mess for anyone else to clean up. He had proven to be just a tad OCD when it came to cleaning in the past. No, Combo was off the hook.

Spotting Garam asleep on the ratty sofa she checked him off her list of suspects. He rarely ate anything but take out and even went so far as to take his trash out to the dumpster in the alley out back.

"Ow! Damnit Roboy!" Tab shouted from the upper level. "You stupid toaster. You almost took my finger off!"

"Would you like some cheese with your whine?" Roboy's chuckle sounded like a faulty buzz-saw. "You got nine more digits, so suck it up buttercup."

Brandishing a slot screwdriver Tab shook it at the robot that he himself built. "Maybe I should recycle you for change. I could probably get a whole five cents for your rusty ass."

"Oh yeah, sure, blame the creation not the creator." Roboy groused. "Isn't that just typical? Just another example of The Man suppressing the little guy! You disgust me!" The robot slowly turned its head with a grating creak, as if it couldn't stand looking at the youth any longer.

"What?" His voice hitting unimaginable highs he hadn't been able to reach since puberty hit, Tab waved his arms around like a spastic windmill in a hurricane. "What the hell is wrong with you? I'm only trying to fix your stupid arm and you practically take off my finger! Are you mental?"

"I'm what you made me?" Roboy shot back.

As the miss-matched pair continued to shriek at each other Cube checked Tab from the list. The boy hardly remembered to feed himself much less think of leaving a mess in the kitchen. He was safe. Her gaze traveled over to Beat who sat before the lone television with their mascot Potts flopped across his legs. The dog lay on his back with a goofy expression on his snub nosed face as the boy scratched his belly. The red head seemed to be enjoying the shouting match between Tab and Roboy more than the monster truck rally playing out on the screen. She shook her head. Although Beat's room was a mess, he never left dishes laying around, and could be counted on to pitch in to clean if asked even if he would rather be doing anything else. Cocky? Yes. A filthy slob? No.

"YO! You can't do that! That's cheating!" Green haired Yoyo's shrill voice cut through the air.

"Ah… Yes." Cube turned to the trio of boys huddled around the pinball machine. "The amazing dunderhead twins and their sidekick Sir Shrieks-a-lot. Soda and Clutch have no problem with trashing a place until it proved unlivable, even their own home, and Yoyo…" She sighed. The poor kid just wanted to be accepted and allowed himself to be influenced by anyone older than his paltry fourteen years. "I think I'm gonna have to have a talk with the boy."

Moving closer to the youths she grabbed a handful of Yoyo's shirt and bodily hauled him away from the machine.

"Hey! What gives, yo?" The boy flailed in an attempt to remain upright as the other two jeered at him. "Watch the threads!" As she released him, he spun around angrily, his mouth open to deliver a scathing put down until he discovered just who stood behind him. His mouth snapped shut as his eyes grew wide behind his sunglasses. "Yo?"

"Come with me." Cube told him. With that she turned and headed for the kitchen, knowing that the boy would follow. Pushing through the door she stepped aside so that he could enter. "Is any of this your mess?" She asked.

Eyes still wide the boy looked around at the state of the room. "Ewww. No, yo." He told her, his nose wrinkled in disgust. "I had cereal this morning, yo, but put it away. What happened here? The kitchen didn't look like this this morning."

"I have a few ideas." Cube told him darkly. Her tone sent a shiver down his spine, a reaction that did not go unnoticed. "Okay. I believe you. So, do me a favor?"

Yoyo's eyes grew even larger. Cube never asked anyone for anything, and here she was asking him for a favor? "Sure Cube! What'cha need, yo?"

"I know Soda and Clutch are a part of this gang, but don't spend so much time with them, okay?" She asked. "They don't care about anyone but themselves and will throw you under the bus to save their own asses. Combo, Beat and Tab and Garam are a damn sight better choice to hang with."

"But Soda and Clutch wouldn't-"Yoyo started only to be cut off by the older girl.

"Yes they would." She leaned in close in an attempt to get her point across. "You are an annoying little shit, Yoyo, but you aren't a bad kid. In fact," Cube added. "You are the annoying little brother I never wanted, but am kind of glad I have. I don't want to see you get hurt by those two, both figuratively and literally speaking."

Yoyo stared at her in silent shock. "You mean you don't hate me?" He asked in a tiny voice.

Cube snorted. "Of course I don't hate you, doofus." She assured him. "You may be an annoying little shit at times, and I may want to chuck you into the nearest dumpster more often than is healthy, but I have never hated you." She rubbed her hand down her face. "Spend more time with the others, even the girls are a better choice."

"The girls?" Yoyo scrunched his nose up. "Everyone will call me a sissy."

Rolling her eyes, the dark haired girl sighed. "You are what, fourteen almost fifteen?" At his nod she continued. "Think about it. Gum, Jazz, Boogie and Mew are all easy on the eyes. They are good to their friends and fun to be around. If you hang out with the girls and any of the boys start ragging on you just look at them and grin like the cat who ate the canary."

"What? Like this?" Yoyo spread an enormous almost manic smile across his face.

Cube winced, jerking back in mock horror. "Ew! No! Tone that sucker down!" She pleaded. "No. I mean grin like you do when you get away with tagging Onishima's back or you manage to steal Soda's secret stash of cookies."

"You mean like this?" A slow sly grin took over the boy's features.

"Yes!" She high fived the youth. "That's exactly what I am talking about."

"But what good will that do" He asked.

"You think girls are more than cootie magnets, right? You like them don't you?"

Blushing, Yoyo nodded mutely.

"If you get in good with the girls, hang out with them, laugh, that kind of stuff. The others will stop teasing you when they realize that the girls would rather be with you than hang with them. You, my squeaky little friend, will go from the runt of the litter to the big dog. Just don't use the girls. That would be figurative suicide… and make you a possible murder victim when the girls find out. Just be their friend."

Yoyo thought over her words, scratching his head. "So hang with the girls, be a gentleman, and make the other guys jealous. That's all I have to do?"

"That's it."

"Wow." His head cocked to one side, Yoyo regarded the older girl carefully. "Why do you care about what happens to me?" He asked. "You are tough, you're strong and scary, and even led your own gang… I'm nobody."

A sigh escaped Cube. She stood silent for several long seconds as she considered her next words carefully. "You are not nobody, Yoyo. You're family. Everything I went through before I joined the GG's including leading Poison Jam… none of it fit. None of it made me feel like I could actually belong. I still feel out of place here with you guys, like I'm the one piece of the puzzle that belongs in a completely different box. Still, here in the garage with all you guys I kind of feel like someday I could belong. You guys are becoming family to me." She looked the boy straight in the eye. "Do you know just how much that means to someone like me? I know that all of us have come from dark places, I'm not trying to set myself as the only person who has ever suffered, but you guys all seem to… I don't know, you guys mesh so effortlessly. I've never been able to do that."

He nodded. "I get it. I really do." He smiled a sweet smile. "Thanks Cube. I'll watch my back with Soda and Clutch, but will you do me a favor in return?"

"Depends on the favor."

"Please don't tell anyone I haven't said yo for at least five minutes." He giggled. "It would ruin me!"

An amused snort escaped her. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe, yo."

Yoyo giggled again. "Thanks." Letting his gaze roam over the disgusting mess he shook his head. "Why would anyone do this? And how?"

"Half this crap has probably been festering in their rooms for weeks." She answered. "Soda and Clutch do this every time it's my turn to cook."

"You're sure it's them?"

Cube nodded. "No one else would allow this kind of filth near the food. Only those two idiots would let food mold in their rooms and then spread it all over the kitchen. Their idea of fun should be illegal… and probably is."

"So what are you gonna do?"

Picking up a meat cleaver in her right hand and a carving knife in her left hand, she turned and fixed the door with an evil grin. "I'm going to put the fear of Cube in them."

His eyes wide, Yoyo followed her out into the garage, detouring to stand next to Jazz and Combo who had finished their race.

"Why is Cube carrying sharp objects?" Jazz whispered as the green haired boy joined them.

"Have you seen the kitchen, yo?" He shook his head.

"Idiots." Combo drawled quietly as he spotted her targets. "I don't mind giving people the benefit of the doubt, but those two take advantage of Tabs generosity too often."

Approaching the pinball machine Cube called out. "Did you guys leave that mess in the kitchen?"

Without turning the two youths laughed. "Maybe. What you going to do about it?"

"Mistake number one." Combo muttered. "Not turning around when she's talking to you. Mistake number two: laughing. Mistake number three that ties into number one: issuing a challenge without checking to see if the opposition is armed."

Mew sidled up to Combo's side, figuring that if there were any violence she would be safer next to her big friend. "Is she going to kill them?"

Combo shook his head. "Nah, she isn't a murderer."

Stepping up to the machine, Cube buried the cleaver blade into the pinball machines old wooden casing. The appearance of a sharp blade suddenly thrust between them caused the pair to jump back in alarm.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Soda hollered as he staggered back. "Are you mad?"

"Actually I am, thanks for asking." She growled. "You two shit-heads left a mess in the kitchen and I want you both in there cleaning every inch of that place until even the cheap wooden cabinet's sparkle."

"Or what?" Clutch sneered. The expression faltered slightly in the face of her two bladed anger. "You gonna sic Combo on us?" He blustered.

"I don't need to sic Combo on you." Cube leaned in close, waving the carving knife beneath his nose. "Are you forgetting I led Poison Jam? You can't just bat your eyelashes and say pretty please with those morons. You have to be smarter, faster, and meaner than they are. Utterly ruthless. I led them for a long time, boys, and I left on my own terms." She licked the flat of the knife's blade in her hand. "So do you really think I need Combo's help in getting both you ass-hats to clean up the filth you left in the kitchen?"

The two youths exchanged a worried look. They had heard the rumors about Cube's time with Poison Jam just like everyone else. No one really knew if any of those rumors were true. No one had the courage to ask her. If even half the rumors held even a kernel of truth… In unspoken agreement, Clutch and Soda sidled around her and rushed to the kitchen.

The others watched in a state of awe as Cube strolled casually into the other room where the two boys were already hard at work scraping and scrubbing. Seating herself on a chair at the table, she leaned back and carefully watched every move they made.

Hours later, the GG's stood around a fragrant pan of lasagna, a fresh cut salad with all the fixings, and a steaming loaf of garlic bread. They inhaled appreciatively, each member holding tight to a plate.

Gum looked around at the newly cleaned room and smirked. "I think the kitchen is cleaner now than when it was brand new." She remarked with just a touch of awe in her voice.

"Elbow grease works wonders, doesn't it?" Cube smiled as she served generous portions to the others. One by one she filled plates with lasagna and hunks of bread, leaving each of them to dig into the salad. When she came to Soda and Clutch she set their plates to one side, turned and pulled two foil covered plates from the refrigerator. "You guys won't be wanting any of that." She told them. "I made you two a special meal to reward you for all your hard work."

Exchanging a wary look, the pair peeled back the foil to reveal congealing lumps of goo covered garbage. Two pairs of eyes widened in shock.

"There is no way in hell I'm eating that!" Clutch growled.

"That's just disgusting!" Soda agreed. "You can't expect us to eat this shit!"

"I'm faster than both of you with or without skates, and you have to sleep sometime." Her fingers lovingly stroked the cleavers handle as she spoke.

"Are you really going to make them eat that?" Tab asked in a hushed voice. "That's pretty harsh even for you, Cube."

"You think I won't?" She shot back. "They do this every time I have kitchen duty so maybe, just maybe next time it's my turn to cook they won't trash the kitchen and expect me to clean it up."

"Damn!" Garam breathed as he watched the other two boys reluctantly shovel the garbage into their mouths under her dark glare. "I ain't never seen anything like this."

Thoroughly enjoying the impromptu show, Yoyo dug into his dinner. "Yo! This is great, Cube! Tastes wonderful, right everyone?"

Mew looked at him in surprise. At his wink she smiled and began eating as well. "You're right Yoyo. This is fantastic! Where did you learn to cook like this, Cube?"

Cube shrugged. "Here and there." She turned to the miserable pair still choking down their festering meals. "How is it boys?"

Soda attempted to smile, yet failed. Clutch didn't even bother as he fought his gag reflex.

The rest of the meal passed in relative silence. Once everyone had finished their dinner, Cube pulled a foil covered pie plate from the oven with a cheery "Time for desert." Clutch and Soda took one look at the dish and dashed from the room, one holding his stomach the other with both hands clamped over his mouth.

Removing the foil to reveal a still warm blackberry pie, she watched them go with a confused frown on her face and asked. "Who doesn't like pie?"