A/N: I don't know if I'm serious about this CrackPairing or not, but I can assure you: It'll be fuckin' awesome.
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Chomp. Crackle, chomp, chomp. Crumble, pop. Slickened fingers dived back into the new chip bag, the other hand tossing the now-empty ball of thin plastic. Chouji clamped his mouth down on the Barbeque flavored fried potatoes, making small slurping, munching noises as he walked. It was a nice, quiet day in Konoha, and Chouji'd decided to take a walk. Hah, a walk? He was shopping for more sweets and snacks. He stomped down the road in his hungry-induced search, stopping along the ways to munch and chomp on some squid's-on'a-stick, and passing by a couple Health-Bar stands, though not looking back a second time. He'd finally passed a store- a real store, not just a wooden stand- that had the sign "CANDY" , and immediately headed for the door. When the glass was opened, a cute little jingling sound alerted the clerk that someone had entered. A silver-haired man, who looked no older than 18, smiled at him coldly. "Welcome!" He greeted, ushering Chouji closer."Will you be buying anything today?" Chouji practically drooled at the various choices of candy, chocolate, and donuts.
"Oh, God..." The fat ninja murmured, slurping up some saliva. "I-I want this one!" He pointed to the chocolate donuts. "The whole row, and that one, too! And that one, and- ooh!" He jumped and pointed to Mystery Flavored Swirl Lollipops, "The butternut toffee, too!" He ran to the other side and started picking out more and more things, always giggling and cackling in his own twisted, sweets-filled delight. All this ordering, though, made the clerk gap and gawk at the fat boy.
"Are you sure you want all that?" The silver-haired teen asked. Chouji looked up with the most serious face he could muster, and in a demonic-like voice, growled, "Gotta problem with the order? It's not because of my WEIGHT, is it?" Silver-head quickly shook his head, getting out a couple dozen bags for the kid's order.
Does he really have enough money to pay for all of this? Kabuto groaned as he packed the different sweets into which-what bags. As he'd finished up the packing, the door bell jingled. He glared at the person. Why did I have to disguise as the clerk for such a stupid store? AND WHO IS IT NOW? CAN'T THEY SEE I'M BUSY?
"Ch-Chouji?" Shikamaru staggered back a foot, doom spreading through his veins. He looked at the bags of sweets and gulped. His teammate's face morphed into a pleading and guilty smile. "Shikamaru! What a surprise. H-how are you? You been good? How's Ino?" The boy rambled, drawing closer to the post-terrified teammate. "Would you mind...-"
"I came here on accident!" Shikamaru yelled, practically flying to the exit and howling, "I will not pay!"
And, an awkward silence fell upon Kabuto and the fat boy. With a clear of the throat, Kabuto asked, "Does that mean you aren't able to pay for... this?" He motioned to the numerous bags with question. Chouji turned around, a devastated look on his face.
"WHAT?" He bellowed, running to the counter and slamming his hands down on the glass. He leaned forward, nostrils flaring, "Is there ANY way at all I could pay you back for this?" Kabuto summed up the amount with a calculator, and showed the outcome numbers to Chouji. "Nine hundred twenty seven yen? You can pay that?" He asked skeptically, raising a silver brow. Chouji stopped, spluttered, and then wailed, "Can i repay you in some other way?"
Kabuto tapped the glass in though, looking towards the door that said 'Employees Only'. He frowned at the boy, though took out a sleek-looking Walky-Talky. "Uh, sir?" He mumbled, looking away from the boy once more. "I have a kid here who wants to buy a shitload of candy, but he can't pay for it all. C-can you, uh, help him out?"
Just then, the door for employees opened with a woosh, and the palest man Chouji'd ever seen stepped out with a widespread smile. "Welcome!" He bellowed, having raised his hands during his entrance. They fell to his side while he brusquely walked towards the two. "What seems to be the problem?" He asked, his slit eyes directed towards the silver-haired man seemed to gulp under such intensity, "W-well, sir, this boy wanted to buy a-a lot of things, but he's unable to p-pay. Do you think he could f-find work around here, or- you know, something?" The others' chin raising, as if Kabuto had been lying to him. He turned his attention to the fat ninja, that wide smile spreading incredibly so. Something was... Familiar about this stranger, but Chouji just couldn't guess what it was...
"Please, step into the back." The pale manager swept a hand towards the Employee's storage room. Chouji sniffled and headed in shame, towards the closet room.. "Do I have to work?" He groaned, not looking back at the two older men. The manager gave Kabuto a 'look', then turned towards the sulking boy. "In a sense, dear child."
So, as Chouji and the strange manager stepped into the closet-like storage, the door had closed behind them in such a rush, it made the man's long black ponytail wisp around him. Chouji turned, or tried, and gulped at the closeness of the other. "Mr. Manager?" He asked, looking up towards his face. "You're a little close, canya back up a little?" The man smiled, murmuring, "Please, call me..." a devious smirk, "Orochimaru." Chouji, appalled, stepped back and growled, "What the hell! How could I not tell?" Orochimaru laughed, languidly puling at the ponytail and releasing his long, silky black hair. "Orochimaru, y-you... Why'd you lead me here? T-to kill me." He stated the last sentence as if it were for-sure. Orochimaru threw his head back to guffaw and such foolishness, surprising the fat ninja boy and making him shiver.
"Of course not, child." A hand came to caress Chouji's puffy cheek, leaning downward to match the ninja's height. "You wanted candy, right?" The same hand slid up to the boy's hair and tugged him downwards. "Well? That's the best candy on the market." He murmured, tugging at the strands of hair, pulling the boy's head towards his crotch.
"Wait! What are you doing?" Chouji protested, trying to pull away. His eyes teared up as strands of hair were pulled out, hissing in pain while his hands found solid surface. As hard as he could, he hit the wall with every intent at escaping. Surely that silver-haired clerk would hear him- right?
"There's no point in trying to escape. Kabuto knows what I'm up to, and he's already closed up the shop by now. So, I suggest you get sucking, unless you really do want to die." Chouji gulped and looked at the relatively large bulge protruding from Orochimaru's pants. His teeth were chattering, and when he swallowed his collective saliva once more, he couldn't help but feel small bits of his pride flow down his throat and settle like butterflies in the pit of his stomach.
It was a stupid question, cliché even, but Chouji had to know; "Why me?" He jumped again at the cold man's laugh, looking up meekly at his smiling face. A hand reached down to caress his puffy cheek once more, "Because, dear boy, I like them big."
A/N: Hey, everyone! Who wants to know what happens next? I friggin' do! You know what? I'll continue this, but only if you guys review! It can even be a flamer, those guys make me giggle :)
Honestly, this crackpairing creeps me the hell out and makes me gag, but I friggin' love writing it. Again, it makes me giggle xD
So, you guys should comment on this, and we'll all see what happens next! Does Kabuto open the door? Does Chouji get raped? Did Orochimaru dump Sasuke for the fat-boy ninja? Find out, in the next chapter!