Disclaimer: If I owned Spooks, it would be airing on A&E uncut so I could watch it
Author's notes:
1."" Dialogue, '' thoughts
2. Italics are used for a dream sequence bold is used for a flashback
3.C.O.S. Change of Scenery
4.88888 Change of point of view
Summary: Adam deals with being a father, and a spook after Fiona's death. Suggestions of a Jennie/ Adam pairing
Spoilers: Seasons 4-5
Title: The Mask
He thrashed to the ground as the bullet made contact with his body. He felt the blood spread warm across his stomach and chest, and the accompanying blinding pain. It was the pain that kept him conscious, and one of the only things keeping him attached to the physical world.
The other thing was Wes. Thoughts of his son were the other thing keeping Adam going. Since Fiona died, Wes was the only thing that kept him going. Seeing him after a hard day reminded him why he fought as hard as he did. Wes was a living, breathing reminder of Fiona a piece of her to keep with him and it comforted him. His son loved him unconditionally, and forgave easily, and Adam knew both were priceless in his line of work.
So he pushed himself up off the ground, and staggered a few steps. He could hear his team calling him but was unable to speak. Eventually, they would realize he was hurt, and follow the trail of blood. He just hoped he wouldn't be dead by then.
He stopped short, caught up by the pain surging through his body. If he could just rest, all would be okay- if he could just rest, he'd be able to get home to his son. He felt his lids growing heavier by the second, and he found himself unable resist the temptation to close them. He slumped down on the ground sitting with his back up against a building reveling in the warm sun shutting his yes. 'Maybe five minutes' he told himself.
As he gave into sleep the last thing he saw was Fiona. She came and sat beside him, stroking the side of his face. Tears sprang to his eyes:
"I don't know what to do without you. I don't know how to fight, or if I even want to." All the desperation and grief were in those words.
"It'll all be alright. Just rest a while." She calmed him pulling his head onto her shoulder.
"Wes misses you." Adam remarked.
"He'd miss you more. He was always Daddy's little boy. Every time you were away, he'd ask me everyday when you were coming home. I'd tell him, when he's done making the world safe for you. And he'd grin. When he'd have friends over he'd tell them his dad was making the world safe" Fiona answered. It caused Adam to smile.
"I don't know what to do without you Fiona. I don't know how to raise Wes by myself." Adam repeated.
"Who said anything about by yourself? It's unreasonable not to imagine that you won't meet someone else dazzlingly intelligent, incredibly understanding, exotically beautiful and extremely lovable. You will Adam, I know you will." She replied. Adam smiled a second time:
"Who knows? You might be right about that." Fiona kissed his cheek.
" Go home and raise our son. Keep him safe." She replied, and disappeared.
Adam passed out, and when he next became aware it was in an alien hospital, with Zaf standing guard by the window in his room. Zaf saw his eyes flicker open, and moved immediately to his friend's side:
"You've been shot. We took fire while chasing the terrorists- I was with a different group. By the time we got to you, you'd lost a lot of blood and you were feverish bordering on delirious. I could have sworn I heard you say Fiona's name." Adam gave a sad smile; of course it was a delirium. His Fi was buried in England.
"I've got to see Wes." His tone was dead, as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. Zaf approached as he saw Adam grimace with the pain.
"You've got stitches to think about." He motioned to his friend.
"I need to see my son." Adam replies his tone more insistent.
"There was internal bleeding; there may be more if you're not careful. You need to stay here for a few days." Zaf quickly explained.
"I need to see Wes. I promised her; I promised Fiona I'd keep him safe." Adam grew more aggressive. Zaf came close enough to touch his friend's forehead- he was burning up.
"Wes doesn't need to see you like this. He's used to his dad being strong, and brave. It would open up to explanations that he's not ready to hear, and you're not ready to say." Zaf tried to convince his friend. Adam paused as if reconsidering and Zaf let out a sigh of relief.
"I want to see Wes. I promised her. I promised Fiona." Adam wouldn't give up. Zaf pressed the silent call button on the wall above his bed, as Adam stood up. Moments later a nurse came into the room:
"Mr. Carter, you need to get back into bed." She insisted.
"I need to see my son. I want to see Wes."
The nurse moved a few steps closer:
"You've just gotten out of surgery. You have stitches, not to mention internal bleeding. You should be asleep right now actually." She moved to within touching distance. Zaf gave her a warning glance. She placed a reassuring hand on his arm helping him to move back against his pillows. Adam gave in, fatigue showing on his face.
"I need to see him. I need to see Wes. I promised her I'd keep him safe." He said, his voice broken. The nurse left the room a few moments and returned carrying an IV vial.
"It's only liquid Motrin to help the fever" She turned to Zaf who followed her out into the hall.
"The fever is still awfully high. Your friend may have an infection, which, would mean he'd have to lengthen his stay. Your job is to stop any more displays like this one."
Zaf nodded in acknowledgement and the nurse moved back to work. Zaf moved back to Adam's room pulling the visitors chair up so he could place his feet on the side of the bed, and curled up on it. He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he awakened to the sound of beeping monitors, and the sight of his friend thrashing around on the bed.
He went to the doorway:
"Help! My friend's gone into convulsions, I need help." The doctor came, motioning Zaf to leave the room.
Adam looked at him desperate as he passed through the door. On some level he knew he was dying, and wanted nothing more than to give in. Unshed tears started pouring down his face as he realized that he was letting everyone who ever put any faith in him down. And he was helpless to stop it. His last thoughts were he'd let everyone down. He'd failed Harry, Fiona, and most of all Wes.
Adam threw the covers off sitting up in bed nervously running his hands over his chest and stomach. All he felt was the scar from where he'd been shot. No blood, no bruises. He sighed in relief; he knew it was a dream, but it felt so real to him. He swung his legs over the side, and made his way downstairs to the kitchen where he got himself a drink.
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She was awakened by the sound of a bed scraping against the wooden floor, and got up to see if it was Wes or Adam. Seeing Wes was safely asleep she moved on downstairs, stopping in the shadows near the kitchen, watching for a while.
She had her suspicions about Adam Carter. It's not that he treated her badly- quite the opposite, he was fast-tracking his way to favourite boss status. It was the feeling that there were two different Adam Carters. One was polite, and formal her boss. The other only showed himself in unguarded moments, when he thought nobody was looking. She'd often catch him with a far-away look in his eyes as if remembering something. Several times, she'd want to ask him what he was thinking about, but thought the better of it. The man standing before her in the kitchen with shaking hands was a troubled soul.
She wavered on the stairs wondering if she should ask him what was wrong. He likely wouldn't tell her; buy her off with some story that it was nothing more than a nightmare. The trouble is, she'd heard him up every night this week and wouldn't buy it. Instead of saying anything, she turned around and began making her way back upstairs.
Jennie didn't make it very far. She cringed as the second stair creaked under her weight. Hearing the sound Adam turned to face the stairs.
"I'm sorry I woke you." He said. She knew right away the mask of calm was in place; this was the formal Adam Carter.
"It's okay. I got up to make sure Wes was alright." She replied.
"I'll get the lock put on the bathroom tomorrow. That won't happen again." He reassured her with a smile. He referred to an incident that morning when he'd mistakenly walked in on her while she was in the shower.
"It's okay. Fine really- no need to go to all the bother." Jennie replied.
"Goodnight then."
"Sweet dreams Adam."
He gave her a half-smile: "Yeah."
And then he was alone in the kitchen
I can continue it… or it can stand as a one-off. It's up to you my reviewers really.
-A.B.