Taki, Mitsy and Sandy
A silly fic by: zhakeena
Mitsurugi Heishiro had just made one of the most important decisions in the world, right there in that once-ablaze Ostreheinsburg Church. (the narrator hopes she spelt that German word right.)
"Erk. Soul Edge ain't all sunshine and flowers after all. It's a bad sword, so I'll destroy it!" Mitsurugi exclaimed out loud to no one in particular. "Erk," he added as an afterthought. Raising Shishi-Oh up above his head, he swung the katana down and shattered the evil eyeball sword into lots of itty bitty pieces. Then he turned around and went on, pondering on more ways of beating those fandangled modern rifles that caused him to go half-way around the world and beating silly-looking foreigners in strange costumes.
Not that his costume isn't extra-ordinary like those of his opponents'; just that… okay, Mitsurugi admitted that compared to the others, his costume looks so… 16th century Japan.
But now's not the time to ponder on such things as costumes. He still had countries to hop to.
Along the way out of the church, he saw the one he defeated before Inferno; the red-clad ninja Taki. She still seemed disoriented from their fight, what? 10 minutes ago?
As Taki mumbled and grumbled to herself, shaking her head and what-not, Mitsurugi held out his hand to her.
Taki stared at his hand questioningly. "Erk. I thought you might need a hand now." Mitsurugi answered. Seeing that she was still torn between accepting or rejecting his offer, he added, "This Soul Edge quest was useless. It was evil and seems like it wouldn't destroy a rifle… I destroyed it instead before that angry German guy got his hands on it and go insane again. Erk."
Taki grabbed his hand and was helped up. "That was why I was going after Soul Edge in the first place, ahou. That thing is pure evil."
Mitsurugi frowned. "Erk," he said. "Well, seems like I'm not gonna be doing anything here, so I guess I'll go back to Bizen… Bye," he said, Shishi-Oh on one shoulder, one hand waving at the ninja. "Erk… unless you're going to Japan too?..."
Taki frowned at him. "You just beat me up without mercy back there, Mitsurugi. Now you expect me to come with you?" she snapped.
"Erk, suit yourself," the samurai said, moving to exit from the church with the unpronounceable name. He pondered for a while again, this time on the name-giving ability of the one who baptized the church or something. Well, it was none of his concern anyway.
Mitsurugi, being lost in his thoughts for a while, didn't notice immediately that Taki was following him. "Erk. You rejected my offer a while ago, but you're following me right now. Make up your mind, woman." He said.
"I'm not following you, samurai. We're just walking in the same direction. There is only one exit from this place, after all," she replied.
Samurai-dono narrowed his eyes. "Erk. Fine," he said, going on his way again.
"Listen, not that it's any of my business, but…" Taki began, as they were walking again, "What's with the erking?"
"Erk. Erking?" asked Mitsurugi.
"Hai. If I'm not mistaken, every line you've uttered so far in this fic has an 'erk' with it. What's with that?" Taki asked ridiculously.
"Erk. I don't understand it myself. Apparently, the author of this fic compares me to Auron of that other game, Final Fantasy X. And she associates Auron with ducks. And ducks erk," he explained, gaining strange looks from Taki. "Don't ask me. I told you I don't understand it myself." A few moments of silence. "Erk," he added spontaneously.
They reached a random forest outside. You know those forests that travelers of their time usually go through when going through a very long and important journey? That's sort of what the place is. Anyways, for some odd reason, even though the forest is dark and foreboding, Mitsurugi and Taki knew exactly which way to go, which point to turn left or right, which clearing might actually be a sinister-looking swamp, etc…
Taki was just glad that they weren't talking anymore. Those 'erks' were kind of getting to her nerves… But then, Mitsurugi just had to break the silence with his more or less witty lines. "Erk. I don't like walking in silence. Feels like a demon is sneaking up on us. Say something interesting."
Taki closed her eyes and counted to 10. This guy was annoying. "I'm sorry, but I like silence. Let it be," she said through gritted teeth.
"Erk," Mitsurugi replied. Taki resisted the urge to grab Rekki- or Mekki-maru from their sheaths and cut Mitsurugi's hair until he cries like a little girl. She resisted it even more when Mitsurugi hummed his good ol' Soul Blade theme by erking.
"That's it, can't you –stop- that annoying erking?!" she screeched, her chinky eyes widening until they were as wide as Talim's.
"Erk. No," he replied, shrugging. "Not that I don't want to, it's just that I can't. Erk," he said.
"You… you…" Taki looked like she was ready to strangle him. But before she had a chance to, Mitsurugi held up his hand to silence her. "Erk… you hear that?"
The ninja turned on her 'superior ninja hearing ability' and heard rustles from a bush somewhere on their right side… If only those darned trees didn't each have their own individual shrubs with them. "Sounds like… a human…" she said, concentrating more as the intruder stopped moving. "Over there," she pointed to one specific shrub.
Mitsurugi readied his sword with one hand as he approached the bush. You could feel the tension in the air as he walked nearer… nearer… and still nearer…
Then without warning, he got a fistful of the eavesdropper's blonde hair and revealed his/her identity.
Cassandra Alexandra screamed. "AAAAAAAAH!"
"EEEEEERK!" Mitsurugi screamed back.
"AAAAAAH!"
"EEEEEEERK!"
This went on for some time until Taki threw ninja stars between them. Cassandra and Mitsurugi stopped in terror and stared at Taki at the same time.
"I can't help it. You two were very, very annoying…" she explained, keeping some spare ninja stars to wherever part of her costume she hid them primarily.
"Sorry… (erk)," they said in unison. Then, Mitsurugi turned back to Cassandra. "Erk! What were you doing in that plant, listening into our conversation?!" he demanded.
"I'm sorry mister samurai! I was just on my way to the Ostreheinsburg Church because, well, Soul Edge is there and my crazy sister might be in there just ready to be slaughtered by Inferno or some other crazy foreigner and Rothion will just kill me for that and I just ran into you by accident so I waited until the coast was clear before taking on my quest again!!!!" Cassandra explained without breathing much. She was pretty blue when she finished.
"… erk? You mean Soul Edge? I just destroyed it, you know. Erk," Mitsurugi said proudly, putting Shishi-Oh on his shoulder again. At his back, Taki mockingly lip-synched his lines.
Cassandra's terrified face transformed into an angry one. "What?! You mean, I traveled all the way here to—and you got it first—and she…" the Greek stopped stuttering when her gaze fell on Taki. "HEY!! I know you!!!" she screeched.
Taki rolled her eyes. "OH, she remembers now…" she mumbled.
Cassandra pushed Mitsurugi to the ground, grabbed her weapons and pointed her short sword at Taki. "Ha-hah! You beat me up before, and had the nerve to call me a Chubby Blonde! You old hag! Well, I got Valkyrie now, it's gonna be a whole lot easier beating the crap out of you now, I even beat up that crazy Italian guy with these babies, and…"
"Wha… OLD HAG?! Why you Chubby… After that insult, I'll beat you up so badly, you'll look worse than Astaroth, even if I just use these Tobacco Pipes!!!" Taki screeched. The one insult she can't take. She just had to say it…
They were pretty much in a battle stance, ready to slice each other's guts out, if it weren't for Mitsurugi who was standing in between them. "Erk! Ladies! No need to fight now! Those were just insults, you see? Don't take it so personally…"
"But she called me chubby," whined Cassandra.
"And she called me an old hag!" growled Taki.
"Erk… well you are kind of chubby, ("Hey!" cried Cassandra) and Taki is kinda old… ("You're as old as me, ahou," muttered Taki) but being offended with those insults would only make you overgrown children. Erk," explained Mitsurugi. "So, while we're all in each other's presence, let's all get along. Erk…"
Cassandra and Taki responded by giving Mitsurugi each a fist to the face.
"Erk… women," Mitsurugi mumbled as they both stepped on him. Extra flinches when Cassandra stepped on his stomach. Damn, that chick is heavy… he mused.
"Well… since I haven't got a Soul Edge to destroy now… Can I come with you guys? I promise I'll be good! Pleeease? I don't wanna go in the boring old Bakery anymore…" Cassandra pleaded.
"We're going to our homeland, Japan. It's pretty far from Athens, and I doubt you'll find anything interesting there…" Taki mumbled. Mitsurugi nodded in agreement.
"Pleease?! I can help you fight anyone who gets in your way! I mean, I just beat up that huge green guy a few hours ago!" Taki shook her head. "I've got lots of money! I won't be a financial problem, if that's what you're afraid of!" Mitsurugi shook his head. "Uh… I can speak 3 languages? Please, I won't be a bother!"
Sighing, she thought of a last resort. Nobody, ever, has resisted this offer. "I make good cupcakes. I also carry ingredients with me everywhere. And I know how to make them anywhere. I'll make you two some if you take me with you."
Mitsurugi stopped in his tracks. "Erk… cupcakes?!" He had always been curious about those cupcakes. He had once heard Sophitia musing to herself out loud about her missing her little sister and her great cupcakes… Finally, after 7 years of curiosity… he has a chance to taste them.
"ERK! Taki, Taki, can we take her with us?!" He said.
"WHAT?! For cupcakes?! Heck no!" Taki cried out. She did put the thought into consideration when Mitsurugi started erking yet another Soul Blade song. "AIYA! Alright, she can come!"
"YAAAAY! I get to go to Japan!!!" Cassandra jumped for joy. (and caused an earthquake in a nearby German village.)
"EEEERK! CUPCAKES!" Mitsurugi jumped for joy.
Taki rubbed her temples. "It's a long way to Japan… I wonder how long I'll last…"
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Author's notes: This thing is weirder than I anticipated. It's kind of exhausting typing all those 'erks'… Oh well, first SC fic, please understand. Should I continue this? Maybe, when I have the time. (Whoo! Finished this in one hour and 23 minutes! Hurrah…) And if I should continue this, I wonder if I'll let some other characters join these three… (more pondering is in order…)
Oh yeah, and if you were curious, 'ahou' in Japanese means 'idiot,' if I'm not mistaken.
And this has little to do with their endings at the game itself. This is all just for pure fun and mockery.
Comments, suggestions and flames are all welcome. Vulgarity is not.