A/N- I chose this song because it just seemed fitting. This is my first song fic so I hope its a good one and is alright! Not all segments may be connected, I was just writing what seemed to fit with the lyrics!
Song: This Love (Will be your Downfall) By: Ellie Goulding
*So I have been informed that using song lyrics in a fic is forbidden now. I have taken the lyrics out. I hope the fic still makes sense. The lyrics used to be between the point of views. This sucks! *
JPOV-
For a long while after the murders of my wife and daughter, I shut down. I shut down physically, mentally and emotionally. I didn't feel like I deserved to be on this earth any more. It should have been me lying dead on the floor with that haunting red smiley face painted on the wall above me. My own life didn't matter to me anymore. I didn't care what happened to me! I made the mistake of using the Red John murders as a means of promoting myself as a psychic. I gambled away my family. I played with him and taunted him in his eyes. I threw away everything I had worked so hard for! I needed revenge. Emotions get in the way of that. Especially when I met the one woman that soon became the most important person in my life since my wife and child. Emotions can get you into trouble. The many times I have come close to my revenge I gave it up for her. All I knew was that I had to protect her. And I wouldn't change a thing, because now, together we will find a way to bring Red John down.
LPOV-
When I first met my pain-in-the-ass consultant Patrick Jane, I didn't know what to think. Many things ran through my head has I introduced myself to him. I thought he looked broken and in a sense he was. I didn't know what to make of him. He wouldn't leave or take no for answer. But from the moment I met him I felt something pull at my heart strings. At first I wrote it off as sympathy for the man. I mean his family was murdered for something he said. Could it get any worse for him? Our working relationship soon turned into a deep friendship that mattered more then anything. I was determined to help him in any way I could. I would lie, take a bullet and even kill for him. It wasn't until Jane lost his memory that I felt the first spark of love and the sting of jealousy. It probably wasn't the first time I had felt these feelings but it defiantly was the first time I chose to acknowledge them. He had women hanging all over him and he was enjoying it. I didn't much care for this version of Patrick Jane. I didn't want to feel this way. It felt wrong but oh so right! It felt like we needed to be in each others lives, and no ones else's. Yes, I love Patrick Jane!
JPOV-
Teresa Lisbon. She is my rock. She keeps me from doing something I would regret later. She keeps me grounded. Wont let me forget what is truly important in life. I wont ever forget about my revenge for my family and sometimes it gets out of hand. Lisbon tries to keep me on a short leash but when it comes to Red John something snaps and all reason flys out the window. She yells and wonders why I never listen to her. I wonder myself most the time. I will try and tell myself that she is right, and one of these days something I do is going to get her fired or worse. But just cant seem to take it seriously enough. She begs me to let her help, but I just cant put her at risk that way. I truly do want her help, it would be nice to have someone on my side and working towards a common goal. But I don't think my ego could handle taking a hit by asking her for help. And I couldn't risk putting another person I care so much for in danger. She says she knows me better then anyone and in a way she does. Which scares me some. Sometimes I get so caught up in chasing Red John, I don't even recognize myself. Lisbon is my savor and I would be lying if I didn't say I love her. Maybe thats the key. Red John is set on making my life miserable and full of pain. But if I found happiness and love again then he will fail in is quest.
R. -
Maybe this love will be the answer. Together they can bring me down. Love is a powerful force that most defiantly shouldn't be messed with. Their love could end it all. Their love could be my downfall. I could just simply kill her too! He has made her a target because of this love affair. That might not be the best way though, he found love again and if I take it away again it will either break him to a point of no return or he will just keep looking for love. It may be a risk i'm willing to take. The thrill of the kill is the best feeling. I may just go for it. It is easiest. This love will not be my downfall.
JPOV-
I love her, I really do! But what does loving her mean? It could mean I have marked her for death. Red John will most defiantly come after her. I have tried to push these feelings back. To put them in a deep dark drawer in my memory palace and never let them see the light of day again. But every time she calls to tell me about a new case or yell at me because I have wondered off again, those feelings come creeping out. Going to a crime scene became fun. The thought of seeing her always brought a smile to my face. She makes me happy. And I found that being happy was a really great feeling. One that I would like to keep. Sometimes I wish she didn't make me feel this way. I just don't know if i could be what she needs. I'm so damaged that I have no idea if I can be fixed. But if anyone can do it, its her. We may have a strange relationship, but it works. Not many people would get why I need revenge but she does. And she wants to help. No one understands they way she does.
LPOV-
What can I say? One day he may get his revenge and be locked away for it. Then where would we be? Who am I to think we could be together for the rest of out lives? Even if we do end up together who says that we will always be? We could easily be torn apart just as fast as we were thrown together! I guess thats what I get for choosing an emotionally unavailable man to be in love with. And one who attracts the eyes of every woman he passes by. I know he is loyal and would ever do anything to hurt me intentionally. I just don't know if I could risk my heart like that by telling him how I feel.
J&LPOV-
We know we should be together, everyone knows it too. But we always find a way to be apart. Reason that don't make sense or are just stupid. The other knows we care and would do anything for them. Darkness surrounds us day in and day out. Its part of the job. It makes it hard to form bonds. We have our own pasts to deal with and have a hard time talking about. We open up as much as we can and when we do its to each other. Best friends and partners, thats how we describe our relationship. We want more, its just so complicated. We don't know where to start! How to breakdown the walls we have built. I think the first step in coming together would be to have Red John out of the picture. If we can do that, then we can get through anything.
J&LPOV-
This love will be your downfall Red John... We will make sure of it.
A/N- well there you go! I hope its okay now and no rules are broken