There it was again, the anger. The rage he felt every time she walked past him, or when he would look up to her balcony and see her watching, waiting for her former lover to return.
Lover. Her Lover.
Not him, never him. He would have done anything for her since the moment he first saw her. Even now, had she asked him walk into the jaws of death, he would willingly and never ask why. She was all he wanted, all he dreamed of.
He had by chance chosen to walk the walls of Skyhold, hoping that the fresh air would clear his mind of the dreams of her skin against his, but he was not to find peace. She was there, instead of on her balcony, the one damsel he could never save. Here she was real. Here she was painfully real and mortal, her defences stripped bare, leaving the hero of Thedas, the Inquisitor raw and broken.
He stepped closer, forcing himself to keep his pace steady and thanking his Templar training for giving him the discipline to be able to do it without fleeing to avoid exposing his own weakness to her.
It was then he stopped dead in his tracks, the plates of his armor clashing in the cold mountain air. Her face, perfect in all it's elven glory was bare. The tattoos that had marked her as a Dalish elf were gone. What was worse that instead of the markings, tears now flowed freely down her cheeks.
"Cullen, I, I'm sorry." She said, grasping to slide the inquisitor mask of strength back into place.
He couldn't speak as she fought to regain her composure. His mouth was dry, as though all of the moisture usually found there was now moved through space and time so it flowed down her cheeks. Eventually after what seemed an eternity he spoke. "Inquisitor, I didn't mean to bother you. I can leave if you wish." Please don't tell me to leave.
With long and delicate fingers, she tucked a raven curl behind her ear. "No, I was just –"
Watching, waiting for him to return to you.
"Thinking. Before Josephine finds me and drags me off to another meeting."
You are trying so hard to stay strong, what did he do to you?
"Then don't let me interrupt." He replied, forcing a small smile to form on his lips. Don't let her know how you feel. Don't show her your rage.
"You are fine, I just needed some air. I should get back though." She offered him a smile that would melt steel, but her eyes still showed the red of tears.
He watched as she walked off, his eyes following as the curl freed itself again, a small breeze picking it up and playfully toying with it as she bounced down the stairs. Again, he had not been able to say anything. Again he remained silent. Again he found himself enraged, though whether it was at Solas or himself, he could not say.