A/N: Hey everybody! We are back with another oneshot! Don't worry, other stuff is on its way, but well, they ARE NOT oneshots, so we still have some writing to do before we can post them ;-)
Disclaimer:
Sadly, they are not ours. Because if they were, this would not be a fic, it would be a freaking episode!
Situated in the fifth season ;)
Enjoy!
He looked at her through the candle light. Her skin seemed to be glowing a soft yellow, her light blue eyes illuminated and sparkling every now and then. Her fine nose. The shape of her face. Articulated cheek bones. Red lips, softened by the dimmed lights. Her slender neck, elegant collar bones. The slight swell of her breasts. The auburn curls, having a golden glow, dancing around her face, draped over her shoulders. Jazz music in the background. A relaxed atmosphere. Him. Her. He was feeling slightly woozy, his mind slowed down by alcohol. He enjoyed looking at her through the candle light.
Why is he looking at me like that? He asked me if I would accompany him to dinner because he had to tell me something! And all he has done so far, is stare at me. What the hell is wrong with him? She cleared her throat before she spoke up. As usual, she cut straight to the issue. She straightened out her back, folded her hands on the table, looked at him and said: "Booth, dinner is almost over and you still haven't told me what you wanted to tell me. So, what's going on?"
And with that, she'd broken the spell he'd been under... God, couldn't she just stay charming and elegant and be like the woman of his dreams for a little while longer? Well, apparently his magic bubble had burst. He smiled handsomely. "I'd been hoping you would figure that out by yourself, Temperance." A woman could not be looking like that and be called some silly nickname by him. And 'Temperance' suited her perfectly. It was elegant, and had class. Like her. He was in awe of this woman. Lady. Beautiful person.
"Well, Booth, you said you wanted to talk to me, so I suggest you do just that. I really don't know what you are talking about." She sighed. He had had more than enough to drink already. But then again, she had had her fair share, too. "Booth, would you just tell me what is going on? I'm afraid I've had a little too much to drink. I'm really not in the mood to play - how does Angela put this? Twenty questions?" She stared at him, waiting for him to reply. When he didn't immediately respond she added: "Booth, please just tell me what you were planning to tell me when you invited me. I'm a little tired already and I have to be in the lab extra early tomorrow, I'm expecting a delivery."
Now it was just Bones sitting across from him, and not some heavenly woman he could adore in silence. This was Bones, and she demanded answers. He was slightly disappointed, but didn't let it on. "It's our anniversary, Bones!" he told her indignantly. "Five years ago, this was our first day of working together. You might have hated it, but you weren't very charming either back then. By the way, I thought women were supposed to be the ones keeping track of these things! But then, you've turned out to be unlike any woman - person, for that matter - I've ever met. So. Here's to us, Bones." With that, he raised his glass of champagne and smiled broadly.
She eyed him warily as she raised her glass. Our anniversary? Is that what this is all about? Besides, I'm not sure, but isn't an anniversary supposed to be filled with good memories? She took a sip of the champagne and decided to speak up. "Aren't we supposed to remember the good times we had? I mean, I think it's just a little weird for you to bring up how much you disliked me in the beginning of our partnership."She frowned as she continued, "It's not very nice either. If you really felt that way, why did you continue to work with me?" She could feel the hurt and anger rise inside of her, due to the alcohol she failed to keep it back. "Because it was just THAT, Booth? Work? Something you HAD to do? Someone you had to put up with?" She was near tears at that moment. When she saw him opening his mouth to reply, she held up her hand and said: "Don't answer it. I don't think I want to hear it. I guess I'll see you tomorrow, Booth. And please do me a favor, get a cab, don't drive home yourself. You've clearly had too much to drink."
"Bones!" he called out in shock at her reaction. Did he have that much to drink? Was he really being inappropriate? He honestly didn't think so... Well, then there was one other possibility: Something had caused her to be on edge before she got here. Something had happened today. Something was wrong. He got up from his chair, too, and caught her wrist. "I'm sorry if I offended you," he started off, "But what I was going to say, is, look around."
She did, quickly, without really noticing anything. And then she was still standing.
He rounded the table and placed the hand that wasn't holding her wrist on the small of her back. Even though it sounded cheap, this was HIS spot. "This whole night is based around memories of us, Bones," he said gently. "I've come to know you, really know you, in these past five years. Look where we are. A jazz restaurant. That's your favorite. Right?"
"And how do you know this, huh, Booth? Did Angela set you up to this? I can't believe the two of you!" she sighed angrily. "Now if you would please get your hands off me, I can go home and sleep." She looked him square in the eye, doing her best not to crumble, even though she felt like her heart was breaking. Stay strong. You have no choice. You know you don't. "I really do have a busy day tomorrow. So if you could just let go of me, I would appreciate that very much." She tried to stay calm and keep her gaze on his eyes, but the hurt in them was burning her soul.
He tried to hide the pain in his voice. "No! I didn't, Bones. This night, it was all me who set it up. I don't need someone to tell me what you like or do not like. Because I know you." He slowly took his hand off his spot, and felt a sting in his heart. It felt like rejection. Disappointed, he let go of her hand, too. He was raised too well, respected women too much, to not obey them when they told him to stop. "And the food I ordered us, you know, when I told you to trust me on that, it was also one of your favourites. I even informed the cook to put in some extra cheese, because you love that. And this tie I'm wearing? You once told me you liked it. Remember that time? I won't even start on the champagne, Bones. My point to this whole evening was just to let you know how much I appreciate you. And that I see you. I hear you. And I'm proud to be your friend. I was hoping you felt the same way."
"Oh! So first, I'm a nuisance to deal with? And now all of a sudden, I'm a friend?" She once again had to take a deep breath to reign in her emotions. Damn those stupid emotions. She grabbed her purse and her coat, "Make up your goddamn mind, Booth. I'm leaving. I have to get up early." She turned around and started to walk to the exit.
He didn't hesitate. Quickly throwing some cash on the table, he went after her. "Jesus Christ, Bones!" he said through clenched teeth when they were at the cloakroom. "That thing about you not being very charming on our first case, that was just a joke. What I just meant to say, was that we didn't get along very well in the beginning, but now we've become good friends. Haven't we?" He waited for an answer, every second that he didn't got one carved a bit out of his heart. "Haven't we?" he asked again, in a softer voice.
She turned around, tears in her eyes. "You know what? It doesn't matter. I'm going home. Bye Booth." She turned around. He was right. They were friends. She could even believe that what he had said was meant as a joke, but it had hurt her deeply and she wasn't really sure how to deal with it, so she decided she just wasn't going to at all.
Booth watched her leave. He didn't have the energy to chase her right now. He guessed he would have to wait until she'd had time to cool off. Like during a taxi ride. He quietly asked for his coat, too, and luckily the girl behind the counter seemed disinterested in his personal affairs, so no awkward looks. "Thanks," he told her and went outside to his car. Wow. What had just happened? Had his carefully planned night really just fallen to pieces? Over a small joke of his? No. It couldn't be the case. Something else had to be going on. What things would she not talk about to him? First of all, things that involved him as the problem, he guessed. But he hadn't really done anything out of the ordinary.... No, it had to be something else. He went into detective mode, and deducted that the 'crime' had to have happened between when he saw her last - yesterday evening - and before dinner. He'd have to trace her movements, find out who she'd talked to. But first, he was going to give talking to her another try, because he was a Booth, and they never gave up that easily, especially not with the ones they loved.
When he didn't follow her, she breathed out in relief. Hopefully we can forget this entire evening and go back to normal. She tried to flag down a cab as her mind raced. This is all my own fault. Well mine and Angela's. But definitely mine. I'm NEVER listening to her ever again.
No matter how hard he tried to deny it, ignore it, put it away, Booth was hurting as he drove over to the familiar apartment building. He had really opened himself up to her tonight, and she'd stumped him hard, creating damage. He'd never felt so vulnerable in his life. Yet he refused to believe she'd simply been mean. Bones wasn't like that. She did care about his feelings, but apparently she'd been too caught up with different matters tonight, to pay attention to him. Fuck. Now he was making it sound like she was mean again. He was certain she wasn't. The alcohol was messing with his mind, and he slapped it a couple times to drill some sense into it, to clear up the fog. Fuck. He shouldn't be doing that, either. It's what his dad used to do. Knock some sense into him. The fact that he was thinking about his dad only showed how vulnerable he really was at that moment. He usually pushed the thoughts away. Normally, he was strong. But that damned champagne...
She was glad when she finally arrived at her apartment. I really just want to sleep. Hopefully with a good night's sleep, things will return to something close to normal tomorrow and we can pretend this whole thing never happened. She miserably fished for her keys in her purse, groaned when she couldn't find them, dropped the purse in anger and started to look for them in the pockets of her coat. There they are. She snatched the purse up of the floor, inserted the key in the lock, unlocked the door and got in.
He had not allowed himself the luxury of sitting down on her couch, because he was being impolite enough already, having used his key to get into her apartment while he was pretty sure she didn't want him there. So he'd been waiting in the living room, standing stupidly with his hands clasped before him. He didn't have to wait long. He heard her utter angry sounds before she walked in, and he knew he was going to be in for it. Better make his presence known... "I'm sorry for entering," he started to say even before she'd had time to switch on the lights, "But your neighbour was looking at me like I was a mafiosi and it made me uncomfortable," he quickly said.
"GOD, BOOTH!" She fell back against the door, her hands clasped tightly over her heaving chest. "Don't scare me like that!!!" Her purse lay forgotten on the floor. She closed her eyes, trying to calm down her breathing. Not succeeding, she slid down the door, landing on the floor.
Quickly, he got to her. The fact that maybe it would be more advisable to ignore his instincts to protect her, didn't get through soon enough. That would be a cerebral thought, and that particular part of his brain was being seriously slowed down by the champagne. That damned champagne... all for nothing, and now only making matters worse for him. Especially since she had had a few, as well. "Bones! Are you okay? Are you having a heart-attack?" he asked, realising how silly that was with a delay of about ten seconds.
"No! I'm not having a heart attack! But I might as well have!" She closed her eyes and got up. She wasn't very steady on her feet, due to the shock Booth had delivered to her and due to the alcohol she had consumed during dinner. Unsteadily, touching the furniture around her to make sure she wouldn't trip and fall down, she made her way to the couch. She sank down on it and sighed, "Booth what are you doing here?"
Booth, still too uncomfortable to sit, though standing was taking some effort, sighed. "Let me explain this," he said and crossed his arms in front of his chest, thought, then uncrossed them again. "I have this rule. For myself. And too many people I know who didn't have it, have come to regret it. You with me?"
"No. Not in the slightest, but go on. I'm sure I'll catch on." She gave him a glare, really not knowing where he was going or what rule he was referring to.
"Fair enough," he said, walked towards the window and looked out at the street below. Parked cars, one yellow cab passing through. "I never go to sleep having an unresolved fight with someone I care about. A friend. Family. A partner." He quickly corrected himself, aware that she was going to take whatever she could the wrong way. He once again wondered what he'd done to deserve her wrath, but let that feeling go. "You being all three."
She had a snappy comment ready, but held it in. She wasn't trying to hurt him. And she felt bad about the pain she already had inflicted on him.
He hardly dared look at her, so he kept it at a sneaky glance. She was in a very closed off position. "So you can probably see why I can't leave without resolving this."
"I see. But sometimes people need to cool down BEFORE they discuss a fight. Or at least sober up." She knew him and she realized that he meant it. If she didn't talk to him about this now, he'd probably not get any sleep tonight, which would mean that he would be grumpy and sad in the morning and she didn't want that. She wanted to resolve this now, but her statement was out there and she couldn't take it back. It was too confusing. She didn't want him to know that she was breaking on the inside over this.
He did a mental flip-flop. She was finally giving in! He was getting somewhere. He must have been using some kind of logic on her, or she wouldn't have agreed so easily. He marveled at the ability of his tipsy mind to produce apparently such coherent, sensible speech. "You're absolutely right," he agreed generously with her, almost completing his sentence with a courteous bow. "Let me get us some water, then, to speed up the process of sobering up."
She groaned. It had been her best argument to put it off, at least for now, but nonetheless, she didn't speak up. 'Okay, Bren. That should give you just enough time to come up with a plausible lie to convince him and get this over with. Cause I'm not telling him the real reason, not after tonight. It would ruin everything. And I've caused enough damage as it is.
He felt almost cheerful as he poured two large glasses of water. What a way to celebrate their anniversary, he thought, but then, what couples didn't fight? Might as well be on their anniversary. Had he used the word 'couple'? He meant 'partners', of course. Filled with good hopes, and glad to have risked his life to flatten this crude crease in their evening, he returned to the couch, setting the glasses on drink coasters. "So... Can I sit?" he had decided to be polite and open about this. She seemed very, very on edge this evening, and he knew he was treading on thin ice.
"Sure. Whatever." She scooted, making place for him and simultaneously creating enough space on the couch for someone to easily sit in between them. I can't let him too close. I'll never figure out a believable lie. And with his stupid people reading skills, I'm sure he'll just see right through my lies if they are not believable enough. She took the glass of water, put it to her lips and sipped. I need time to get this straight in my head first. She took another little sip, before she sat the glass back down on the coaster.
He gratefully took a seat beside her, though again feeling sad at noticing how far she edged away from him. He was getting some ice cold vibes from her, making him instinctively feel like he'd done something terrible to her, yet realising - again - that he hadn't. Honestly. So he just felt even more sad at that. "Uhm," he was figuring out a way to have this conversation, since obviously, she wasn't the most willing participant. "So what did you do after we left the diner yesterday evening?"
"I went home, Booth. It was past eleven. Where else would I have gone?" She was fidgeting with her sleeve. That's… He can know that. He can't know however that I called up Angela to ask her about the dinner invitation I had received from Booth. Nor the fact that we discussed just THAT on the phone for nearly 5 hours! It had been close to 4:30 by the time I finally crawled into my bed. But he can't know that. And I won't tell him.
"Right," he replied. An awkward silence followed. "I went home, too."
"I'm sure you did." She sighed. She was determined he was not going to do this to her. This was her secret and she was never ever going to tell him. She got up. "Booth, if this is your idea of resolving a fight, we REALLY should wait until we're actually sober." She took the glass which was still almost completely filled with water and had a few sips, staring straight ahead. She was trying to pretend that his answer was of no importance, but she was listening intently, waiting for his reply.
He took his glass and drank until a useful thought would pop up in his brain. It took him about 200 cc. "I then took a bath. Not with the beer and stuff, but I did read a comic. It really helped me relax. How about you?" He continued his line of questioning, pretending not to have noticed her getting up - a clear message that said, 'Get out of here!'.
She was annoyed at his consistent rambling and determination to get her to talk. Before she knew it she spat out, "I called Angela, damn it! What? I'm not allowed to do what I want in my own apartment?" She immediately put the glass back to her lips and drank a large quantity of the liquid. I can't believe I've just said that! He's never going to let that go now! Urgh! I really do need to sober up and fast. She emptied the glass and turned to the kitchen to get a refill and hopefully avoid his question, which would be pointless, because if she didn't hear him, she was sure he'd just say it again.
Bulls-eye! His heart leapt in his chest. Angela, Angela... She would be his back-up. If talking to tipsy miss Brennan ended up being a disaster, he could always call Angela and drill her for facts - subtly, of course. He needed to always go about subtly when prying information loose from Angela. Encouraged, he smiled softly at her. "Of course you're allowed. Angela is your best friend. I think it's great the two of you have such a good relationship. Friends call each other. It's only normal, right? I mean, you can always talk to each other if you've got some sort of problem..." He slowly took a sip, scrutinising her reaction.
She froze at the mention of discussing problems. The problem she had discussed with Angela for half of the night had been the biggest problem of her life and handling it carefully, respectfully and emotionally, like Angela had said, was the way to go. And I'm not doing that. I'm not being careful, I'm not being respectful and even though I feel I'm highly emotional, I probably haven't shown it. As tears formed in her eyes, her grip on the glass loosened. It slipped from her fingers and went crashing to the floor where it shattered into tiny pieces. But she didn't even notice. She was focused on the sentence Angela had said to her last night. 'For once sweetie, try to look at it from his point of view, too. I'm sure you'll find it very interesting.' As her tears started to fall another thought ran on repeat through her head. I'm an awful person. No wonder nobody loves me or sticks around.
Wow. That was some kind of reaction there. One that wouldn't have gone unnoticed by Dr Brennan herself. He was looking at the shards of glass at her feet. Some pieces had fallen onto her shoes - elegant, though way too high heels. She needn't have put them on for him, he would prefer her not to be tortured by shoes. His gaze travelled up to her hands, which were clenched into fists. Then he looked at her face and saw tears in her eyes. He could never bear that. Swiftly, he put down his own glass on the table and walked up to her. "You can tell me what's wrong, now, Temperance," he told her gently as he took her fists into his hands.
She shook her head and took a step back. "I - I.." She couldn't find the right words. Her throat had clammed up as tears burned her eyes. She swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump and said: "Maybe you should go home. I'm tired, Booth." Her voice was soft and it trembled slightly. She was still gazing at the pieces of glass. For some irrational and highly illogical reason, it reminded her of her own heart.
He saw her look at the shards of glass and released her hands for a moment. "No. And stay put. You don't wanna cut yourself." He quickly went into the kitchen to fetch the dust pan and brush.
"Booth, don't. I'm perfectly capable to -" But when she saw him just ignoring her she stopped talking, wrapped her arms around her body and did what she was told. Damn it! Why does he have to care so much? It's not making any of this easier. And after tonight it's clear to me, that there really should be a little more distance between us. This is just - it's too confusing.
He returned and swept up the biggest pieces, then the tiniest ones. He was grateful she didn't have a carpet. All the while she was standing perfectly still, like he'd told her to. It was alarming that she listened to him. "Can you step aside?" he asked her, and when she obliged, he swept up the last pieces of glass. He threw it all away, placed the dust pan and brush back in their place, and returned to her. She was hugging her torso when he returned. "Are you cold?" he asked worriedly. He wouldn't be surprised if she were. She was wearing a beautiful dress, but it wouldn't keep her warm, not when her heating was turned off. So while awaiting her reply, he went to the thermosthat and set it at 20 degrees Celsius.
"I'm not cold. I'm tired, Booth, like I told you." And she was, but she was emotionally tired. Today had been one big emotional rollercoaster ride from hell and all she wanted right now, was to be left alone, to deal with her disappointment and to put all of this behind her and never think of it again.
He placed his warm hands on her bare arms and waited a short moment. "Yup, you're way too cold. Uhm..." he looked around for something to warm her with, then his gaze settled on the plaid on the couch. "Here," he said as he unfolded it, "Take this." He swung it over her shoulders and enveloped her in it. Then, he rubbed her back to create some warmth. "There you go. All better, isn't it?" he smiled, and guided her back to the couch. "Best take those heels off, too, Bones. They look like they hurt your feet."
She was flabbergasted. Why does he keep doing that? She had been pushing him away for no reason and still he wouldn't walk away. She sat up straight, tensed her muscles and said. "Don't Booth. You shouldn't."
He loved this. Taking care of her. Even when she wouldn't allow it. But now, when she was actually allowing it a little bit, it was making him even more happy. "Nonsense, Bones. I'm your partner. AND friend. And I take care of you. Period." He kneeled at her feet and removed her heels. "There. Better?"
"Stop it!" She tossed off the plaid, got up and took a few steps to get away from him, before she felt his hand on her shoulder, stopping her from moving further away from him. "Booth -" Her voice sounded defeated and there were fresh tears in her eyes. In a futile attempt to get him to leave, she repeated her previous words. "I'm tired."
"Bones," he said as he laid his hands on her bare shoulders and slowly turned her around to face him, "What made you tired?" Start simple, start with something she herself introduced into the conversation.
"This. The entire evening. I'm sorry. I'm just tired." She had felt her resolve slipping. She was too close to telling him. If he didn't get out of here right now, she'd probably ruin her partnership with him by telling him. She couldn't lose him.
"Well, you know that I'll leave once we're okay. So if you'll just tell me what's on your mind, I won't stop you from going to bed." He added a slight playfulness to his tone, because, sure - if she'd demand it, he would leave – or camp out on the couch and wait until morning. Besides, he could feel the angry resistant energy slipping from her body. He knew he was close.
She turned her head away from him. "I – I can't tell you…" She was tired of lying to him. "If I do, you'll just end up leaving me like everyone else."
Utter shock and pain registered on his features as he gulped in her words, unable to block them out. "What? You think I'll leave you? You think I'm like those others? You really do, Bones?"
Tears formed once again in her eyes as she took a step back, feeling the pain that was radiating of Booth. "Please Booth, just go. I don't want to hurt you." She wrapped her arms around her frame once again, to keep herself together. She had had such high hopes for this evening. She had allowed Angela to convince her that Booth was going to ask her if she felt that sparkle in their relationship. That sparkle that is not there in normal friendships. A shiver ran visibly down her spine as she remembered his words about how much of a pain in the ass she had been when he first met her.
Obviously, it was wrong to believe Ange, 'cause Ange got it wrong. He doesn't want to have anything special with me. Sure, he said that we were friends, but I'm not stupid. I know I'm getting a lot more out of this friendship than he is. He'll be able to go on if he loses that. I won't. And I know, because Sweets forced me to live through it. I barely made it the first time. I can't do it again…
"Temperance," Booth sighed, the energy visibly flowing out of him. He assumed a defeated stance, too tired to walk around it anymore, needing to just be honest with her. "You base your answers on a wrong preconception of me. I'm not sure how to say this -" he looked down, pausing to think of a way to put it into words. "Look, you don't want to hurt me, but by telling me that, that's exactly what you're doing. I don't care what's the matter, I just care about you sharing it with me so I can help you."
"I know… So you should go." Just the idea made her shake with fear, but she didn't know what else to do, so she just said it again.
"I will not leave you over silly things like an argument. I won't leave you at all, if it's up to me. You keep telling me to go, because you don't know what else to do. You don't know how this sort of thing works, I can see that, and that's why you want to escape it." He didn't need to look at her to see if he was right. He knew he was. Which is what led him to a next flow of words. "I know that the problem has something to do with me. You're afraid to tell me, because you think it will cause me to leave you - which I won't, let me just say that again. The thing is, you're not being fair to me. You pull me into this one-sided fight - which you know will damage our relationship - without giving me the chance to prove you wrong."
"You really need to hear it?" She asked, feeling a strange mix of pride, adoration, desperation and anger flowing through her. Her body language changed and she took a step towards him.
"Yes," he said, his voice firm, yet barely above a whisper. He looked into her troubled, yet clear blue eyes. He needed to work out this flaw in their relationship, in order to be able to continue it in a respectable way.
"Okay. You disappointed me tonight. Which is exactly why I'm angry. But me saying this to you, doesn't solve anything Booth. Because it's not your fault that tonight was a disappointment to me. It was my fault and maybe partially Angela's. But definitely not yours. I just - I got my hopes up, while they were destined to be crashed to pieces." She sighed in anger and despair. "There. I told you. And like I suspected, this doesn't help one bit!" She turned around and balled her hands into fists.
He was confused, but glad at the same time. He had gotten her to talk. "Okay," he made sure not to let any form of judgment creep into his voice, "What hopes?"
"Does it matter? Whatever it was, it's gonna take me some time to forget about it."
"We're getting the whole truth out here on the table, Bones. So, yeah, it matters. Out with it."
"No." Her voice was nothing more than a small, insecure whisper. She wasn't ready to hear yet another man tell her that he didn't love her. That there was a line that couldn't be crossed. She shook her head and repeated her answer in a stronger tone of voice. "No."
"What's holding you back, Bones? Is it some sort of line you think you're crossing? I don't care about boundaries, I need to function optimally with you in this partnership, and that really does require the two of us to be honest. Bare honesty, Bones. Come on. I can take it." He made sure he wouldn't start guessing, because that would lead him in the wrong direction and cause him to react emotionally, while this was a time where he needed to be the rational one.
"You say you don't care about lines and boundaries. You're lying Booth." She turned around. " You are the one holding me back." The anger in her was too much. She knew the truth was gonna come out and even though she tried to hold it back, she knew it wasn't going to work. The connection between her head and her mouth had been unplugged and she was letting her heart speak. "You are the one who talks to me about love and about feelings and listening to your heart. And each and every time I almost accept that reality as something good, SOMETHING happens to make me doubt it again. The non-wedding of Angela and Hodgins, Zack going to Irak, Epps, YOU DYING!!! You not being dead, but alive without my knowing, Zack's betrayal, deciding to have a baby with you and then the brain tumor! And now, tonight when I thought we were finally going to admit how we feel about each other, now that you have found yourself again, the only thing you seem to be intend on doing, is letting me know how much discipline it took to stay with me, but that I shouldn't care, because hey! We are FRIENDS, right?" Her chest was heaving due to the outburst she had just thrown at him. Her heart was beating quickly and she felt very insecure the moment she stopped talking, well yelling.
He stood there flabbergasted. That's what you get if you ask her to be honest, bud, a little voice in his mind was singing. "I - That - " he stammered. "That's very honest of you, Bones, I appreciate it, uhm..." he swallowed. "What can I say but.... You're right. Absolutely. One hundred per cent. right." He smiled sheepishly at her, feeling foolish because of the reasons she just listed. Because, and he'd say it again, she was right.
"Booth, I - I don't know what you mean by that!" She was annoyed because she had been painfully clear and even though she wasn't sure she could take his answer, she expected the same from him.
"You are right about everything you've just said. And I have to admit something myself. I haven't been honest with you, either." He tried to conceal the fact that he was taking a deep breath to prepare himself for the words he was about to release. It was hard, because he had taught himself to swallow them every time he intended to speak.
"I'm right? You know what, Booth in that case. I don't think I want to hear it. I'm sure you'll try to be gentle, but in all honesty there is only one way to tell me you only want to be friends with me and that is not a good way, okay? I -" She turned around and started to walk away from him, to the bedroom door. "I need some time alone."
"No! Bones, wait!" Damn him for being so slow today. The alcohol in both their systems was probably the one to thank for this clarification from both point of views, but it also caused new problems. Like him being SLOW. He quickly followed her, realising he needed to get this problem out of the world fast, if he ever wanted to speak to his partner again. He halted in front of her bedroom door, which had been unelegantly slammed shut in his face. "I meant that you're absolutely right to think that way, Bones! I suddenly realised that that's exactly the impression I must have given you. You were right about the impression, Bones, not the truth! Please. You have got to believe me. I've been wanting to say this to you ever since I woke up from my coma, hell, even during my coma, but every time, I bit my tongue because I thought it would ruin us. Now, I see that I was wrong. Tonight wouldn't have been like it is now, if I had just told you the truth. I want to tell you now. I'm ready. But please, Bones, please don't make me say it to you through a closed door." He was anxiously waiting for a reply, his head resting against his fist, which he'd placed against the door. He hoped she would be right there on the other side, feeling him through the door, giving him another chance.
His words brought tears to her eyes again. But this time they were tears of hope. She quickly wiped her eyes, took a deep breath and put the palms of her hands against the door. She wanted to hope. She wanted to believe Angela, that there was a spark, a chemistry, the potential to take their partnership past friendship into a real relationship. And then he said the words that crashed her hope. Since the coma? What if his feelings are only a result of the coma? How do I know that it won't shift again? That he won't wake up one day and think that maybe he wants to give Rebecca, or even worse, Cam another chance? I can't take that.
"Bones? Awfully quiet on the other side of the door..." He tried again to get a response. "If you don't want me to say it, tell me to leave. As for our partnership, I'll promise to try to act professional. But if you don't want to hear what I have to say to you, Bones, now's the time to speak up." Had he been wrong in assuming what she'd meant? In what she wanted to hear? Would it just have been too good to be true if what she wanted to hear was exactly what he had to say?
She took a deep breath and opened the door. "You listened to me. I'll listen to you." I just hope I'll still be standing by the end of it.
Relief flooded through him as she opened the door. At least she was willing to listen... They looked into each other's eyes for a moment, and he tried to connect with her that way, though did not succeed completely. "Let's sit," he suggested, and let her walk to the couch first. He sat down next to her and looked at her hand. He wanted to hold it so badly, but he wasn't sure if she'd allow it. He decided it wouldn't be appropriate; he didn't want to rush her into anything, so he refrained. "I... uhm...This is not at all the way I imagined myself saying it to you, you know," he laughed nervously. "I mean, with you being mad at me and such." His honest brown eyes looked up at her and he was feeling more vulnerable than ever before.
She saw his nervousness and decided that this wasn't what she wanted. She wanted him to be comfortable around her, like the way they had been BEFORE the whole brain tumor thing happened. She gently took his hand and said softly. "Come on Booth. Everything on the table, right?"
Her actions, though surprising, gave him the courage to go on. He took her one hand in his and patted it gently with his other. Her eyes never seemed more beautiful to him than at that moment. They were most reassuring. So he went on... "We started off on the wrong foot, five years ago, no offence, I was an ass myself. Then, I got to know you, really know you, Bones, like I tried to show you tonight. You are wonderful in so many ways I can't even begin to highlight them all." He smiled gently at her as he caressed her hand with his thumb. He was holding her hand as if it were the most delicate thing.
She couldn't look up at him. She had high hopes in regard to where this was going, but she couldn't allow herself to actually believe in them. She had done that and look at what happened. She had messed up the entire night. That was bad enough. I'm not gonna mess up the entire partnership by saying or doing something wrong. So she just stared at his hand. She gently squeezed it, recognizing his need for reassurance.
"At first, I didn't allow myself to feel certain things for you, because really, what was a woman like you going to get out of a guy like me? But then, you began to let me in, you began to trust me, and I started looking at you differently. I still couldn't allow myself to think of you in, you know, another way, because I felt I would be taking advantage of you. The last thing I'd do is betray your trust in me, Bones." He paused again, noticing her cheeks had slightly flushed, and she was gripping his hand with a bit more ferocity. "At first I simply looked up to you, but then I could also relate to you. And now, now I simply adore you. After my brain tumor, I thought that maybe my brain was playing tricks on me, that it wasn't really so. But the thing is, before the coma, I never allowed myself to phantasise about what it would be like to be in a romantic relationship with you. In the coma, I did, apparently. And then when I woke up, the feelings wouldn't go away. Do you understand?"
"How can you be sure of your feelings for me if the way you look at them has changed so dramatically? What if it really IS the coma and the aftermath of the surgery playing tricks on you? Not to mention Angela's psychic and the fact that you had to save my life immediately after dreaming my book? You just can't be sure, Seeley." She let go of his hand, stood up and walked to the window. "How do you expect me to be?"
He wanted to get up, too, and go after her, but he decided he would allow her the space she needed and she would come back to him when she was finally convinced. Damn, telling Bones about his feelings for her was one thing to reconsider, but getting her to actually believe what you're saying is a hurdle of a whole other dimension. "Bones, what I was trying to say, was that I've had these feelings for a very long time, way before the whole brain tumour thing, but that I felt I had to put them away, that I was crossing a line. That it wouldn't be fair to you. But now, after letting myself actually consider a life with you, I can see that - that maybe it would be fair to you. That perhaps it's time to give you what you deserve." He wasn't going to continue. He needed to be holding her and look her in the eye when he would say it for the first time. If she had any more questions, he would answer them, but he wouldn't continue until she came to him. Believed him.
"Don't you see it Booth? You deserve so much more than me. If you had taken any other woman out on this date tonight, she would've figured it out. She wouldn't have ruined the night. I know I'm not good enough for you, but -" She took a deep breath, counted to ten in her head before slowly turning around and walking back to him. Sitting down next to him, she spoke up. "Booth, I love you, whether I deserve you or not." She grasped his hand and said, "I'm sorry."
Finally! He relished in the feeling of her hands enveloping his, finally. She was looking at him, finally! "Bones, that is exactly what was going through my mind, too, quite a while ago. But now I'm thinking, How in the world are you going to measure something like that? I mean, is it even possible? You know, I got it wrong, too, I lost sight of what 'love' really is. It's a feeling. And feelings are not controlled by the brain cortex, are they?" He involved his other hand in the trio between them, too. "I believe," he said with a glimmer in his eyes, "That when two people are in love, that's all that matters. There might be more to an actual relationship, but the foundation is love. Only love. And Bones," he paused, "Temperance Brennan... I love you."
She finally caved. She threw his arms around his neck and pulled him closer. When her lips finally touched his, a welcome calm spread inside of her body.
Wow. He couldn't calculate her reaction, but THAT was something unexpected. But it was something 'wow'. She was just... divine, yet right there in his arms. He kissed her soft, soft lips as gently as he could, and slowly gathered her familiar body in his arms. After all, she was still wearing that gorgeous dress, and he needed her to stay warm. What better way than to offer her his warmth? And she also needed love, because she could get so sad, and no one would be there to help her through it, so he offered her his love. And every other thing she needed, he would gladly give her, too. For she was Bones, and he loved her so much his heart was on fire.
"I'm sorry, Seeley," she whispered as she parted their lips and softly rested her forehead against his, keeping her body close to his, needing his warmth, his love, whatever he was offering.
"You," he said, drunk with happiness, "Have nothing to be sorry about. Because THAT, just made me the happiest guy on Earth. Not even kidding. I forgive every mistake you might have ever made, and I promise I'll love you forever. So don't be sorry for making me happy, okay?" he concluded softly while gently combing her soft curls behind her ear.
"I love you, Booth. I really do." She sweetly kissed his cheek and settled herself in his arms.
He was so grateful that she let him hold her. He was so proud that she'd chosen him to put all of her trust in. He was going to do everything in his power to make sure he would never disappoint her. Ever. And he would uphold this promise, even when he was completely sober, and perhaps not so much love-drunk. Her kissing him on the cheek was the sweetest thing ever. And he loved her for that. Because she really did know him as well as he knew her, and she'd saved him from stuff she wasn't even aware of. So in response, he enveloped her in his arms, and pressed a kiss to her head, a part of her he loved very much. "You're everything," he whispered, and pulled her against him, letting all of his love radiate into her.
They had settled on the couch, intertwined in one another when all of the sudden, she broke the sweet calm atmosphere of the moment, by abruptly sitting up.
Frankly, he had begun to slumber, because it had been a long, energy-draining evening, and she was just so lovely and warm in his arms. Her movements startled him to complete consciousness.
"Hey Booth?" Her gaze was soft and the love shined brightly in her eyes.
"What, Bones?" he smiled at her, wondering how she could seem even more beautiful to him now than before.
"Happy anniversary." She gently kissed his lips and snuggled back into his embrace, pressing her body as close as she could to the man she loved.
THE END!!!
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