Pétanque

by WikketKrikket

In a video message to Theresa, Martin explains about his relationship history and three ex-girlfriends. Douglas assists. (Cabin Pressure one-shot)

A/N: So work on my other fics wasn't going so well this week, and then my sisters and I got into a conversation talking about while there were a lot of fics about Douglas' ex-wives, but not many about Martin's ex-girlfriends. (If anyone has any recommendations, let me know!) Anyway, this was my attempt to rectify the situation: Patonk! Or, as it turned out on googling that it is actually spelt:

Pétanque

"Hello. He-llo. Hi. Hello. Hello, Theresa."

"Excellent start, Captain. Smooth."

"Do you have to be here, Douglas?"

"If you want to borrow my camera, Martin, you also have to borrow me. Anyway, I'm rather interested in what you have to say. And why you have to say it in a video rather than on the phone or in an e-mail."

"Well, Theresa said she wanted to see me."

"I see. And this is your cute little alternative until you can meet in person, is it?"

"If you're only going to make fun-"

"No, no, not at all, I think it's rather sweet, actually. I knew there was some romance buried in you somewhere. I do, however, think the script somewhat spoils the illusion of spontaneity."

"Oh, and your off-screen commentary doesn't, I suppose?"

"Ah, but it's only a practice. Just put your notes down and talk from the heart."

"But when I try that it gets all jumbled and I don't know what to say!"

"I daresay, but that's why this is a practice. And you look ridiculous like that. Like you're about to give a speech. It's hardly Romeo and Juliet with your MJN Air clipboard there like that."

"Alright, fine! Happy?"

"Extremely. Alright, Captain, your international broadcast of love, from the top, action!"

"It's not-"

"Martin, action."

"Fine. Hello, Theresa. I'm sorry if I seem a bit off, it's just that Douglas wouldn't let me borrow his camera to do this unless he could come and watch me record it. S-so if it seems a bit awkward, that's why."

"Martin, I'm hurt. You know you can bear the very burdens of your soul to me."

"Shut up, Douglas!"

"Hello, by the way, Theresa. You certainly picked a good one here, didn't you?"

"Douglas! Stop butting in! I'm starting again."

"Fine. Action."

"Hello, Theresa."

"Eloquent start."

"Hello Theresa! You said you couldn't wait to see me again so I thought I'd do a video and I can't wait to see you either, but I hope this will do in the meantime! I hope that Maxi's party went well today- well, Friday, it's actually Tuesday right now, but I'll send it on Friday- and, um, uh, I hope he didn't wear you out too much. At the party. It must be tough, in a way, having a grand ball and black tie and everything when you probably just want, well, jelly and ice cream. Oh! But maybe that's not a tradition in Lichtenstein. It's what you have on a birthday in England. When, when you're a kid, that is. Not when you're an adult."

"Unless you're Arthur. Or know Arthur."

"Douglas, be quiet. I'm trying to practice. So, um, where was I… uh… Oh, yeah, so, Maxi's party. I hope he had fun and didn't run you too ragged. The most elaborate thing we ever did for my birthday was have balloons, and some cake and jelly and trifle and things. The problem was, my birthday is the same week as Caitlin's, so we always had to share a treat, and she only ever wanted to do was to go swimming. And, you know, I was her big brother, and Simon was always saying that because she was younger than us, we had to let her- anyway. B-but when I was nine, we finally got to go to Duxford Air Museum! Caitlin didn't think much of it, but back then they had this great replica of the Spirit of St. Louis, and it was… it was just… it was the best thing I'd ever seen. It was just… well, it was brilliant. All that invention and innovation and daring and- well, y-you understand. And I got this book all about it. I loved that book, I probably read it a hundred times, more than that, a hundred times a week. I'd love to see it again, or, or find a copy, but… I don't have it anymore. I, um, I actually, I gave it to my first girlfriend."

"I didn't want to give it to her, she insisted. She was a girl in my class, I think her name was… was… oh, goodness, I don't even remember her name. L-something. We used to sit by each other in maths. You had to sit in groups depending on how good you were, and I always had to sit by her, on the, the top table. They used to give us work sheets meant for the year above. But I always finished them first! A-anyway, everyone started pairing up, going out with each other- it was just playing, really, most of my friends were roped into it, but their 'girlfriends' didn't even speak to them once they'd agreed- but it was the fashion; you know how these things go round in Primary school. So this… Lisa? Lucy? This girl, anyway, she asked me. Maybe because there was no-one else left. But her dad was a pilot! An actual pilot, he flew for Air England."

"Ooh, really? When was this? Maybe I knew him."

"Douglas, you're making me lose my flow!"

"Well, I'm sorry, Martin, I just don't see what you're chatting on about all this for anyway. Theresa doesn't want to hear about your old affairs de coeur."

"She does, actually, otherwise I wouldn't be doing it. She asked me about my ex-girlfriends."

"What? All three of them?"

"I'd rather have three ex-girlfriends than three ex-wives."

"At least an ex-wife is a proper relationship. You know you can't really count 'L-something' as a girlfriend if you were just playing."

"It does count!"

"Martin, it really doesn't."

"Alright, fine! I just didn't want to tell you I'd only had two serious girlfriends."

"Why not? It would have been easier to think of teams then. Tennis doubles, for a start. And a lot of martial arts-"

"Douglas, seriously! Just let me finish the story!"

"Fine. Only trying to help."

"Well, don't."

"Fine, carry on."

"I will carry on. So, so this was my first girlfriend and her dad was a real-life pilot. So I really, really wanted to meet him. I went to her house for tea a few times but of course he was never there, he was always away on trips. I think, um, um, Lydia…? Let's just call her Lydia. Or was it Linda? Maybe it was Lynne. Let's call her Lynne, it's sort of a middle ground, isn't it? Anyway, Lynne- no, that wasn't it… never mind."

"If you can't remember her name, it doesn't count."

"A-anyway! I think Lydia got a bit frustrated about it. She used to moan that I only came to see her dad. But what did she expect?! I was nine! And she forced me to go out with her to begin with, I mean, she didn't so much ask me as tell me and she said she would tell on me if I didn't! Then she told me she'd only asked me because there was no-one else, and she said I was a flight nerd, and I told her I wasn't, though I suppose I was, a bit- but what's wrong with that? I was just… just… being ambitious."

"Is that what they call it now?"

"Only then she said to make it up to her I had to swap 'treasures' with her, as in, she would give me her most treasured possession and I had to give her mine. And… that's how she ended up with my Spirit of St Louis book. I didn't want to give it to her, but… I can't exactly say she bullied me, but she made me feel like I didn't have a choice. I mean, I said no at first, but I felt so guilty about it that in the end I had to give it to her, even though I really didn't want to. She gave me this teddy bear she'd had since she was a baby. It was her favourite, her granny gave it to her. Only then her mom found out and made me give it back. I didn't get my book back, though. I asked for it, but she kept forgetting. And after, what, a week or something, she got bored of playing dates and that was it. She ignored me after that. I-I mean, I didn't really care about that, but… I wish I'd just got that book back."

"Didn't you tell your mom and dad?"

"Douglas, don't keep interrupting."

"I'm sorry, I'm just interested. Besides, if her mom made you give Lucy's 'treasure' back, surely your mom could have made Lydia give back yours."

"Probably, but I didn't tell them. I was just… embarrassed, I suppose. I thought they'd realise I only agreed to go out with her to try and meet a pilot and get mad at me, or be angry I'd given away a present."

"I see."

"Mm. Well, it doesn't matter. It's only a book. And once I was old enough to join the Air Cadets, I met a lot of pilots! All the instructors had been in the forces or the reserves and they all had a pilot's license. They really taught me a lot. I loved being in the Cadets. I'd go back now, if they'd have me, but I got too old. And you can't be an instructor without being qualified, so I had to leave. Before I passed, I mean. I could go back now, probably, if I was still living in Wokingham, though I don't know how I would fit it around MJN Air and, and the van. Though I don't mind the van so much now, Theresa, since you came in it and-"

"You took the Princess of Lichtenstein in your van?!"

"I wasn't talking to you, Douglas, don't interrupt. Anyway, I don't mind the van so much since you said you liked it, Theresa. I was a bit embarrassed by it before, even as a teenager. My dad would pick me up from Cadets in it and I'd always try to get out before anyone noticed it. It used to really annoy my dad. If he saw me rush, he'd always drive round the block a few times before he'd take me home. He said it was to show me that he wasn't ashamed of himself and… and to teach me not to be ashamed of him either."

"I wish he hadn't thought that. I mean, I wasn't, not really. Not of him. He was a great dad. And there was nothing wrong with him being an electrician. It was just the van. The other guys at cadets were all from rich families, being picked up in Mercedes and BMWs and whatever and then there was my dad in a shabby old transit full of tools and plans in the back. I wasn't ashamed of him! And I was always more fond of the van than Simon and Caitlin. Oh, Simon liked riding in it. But whenever the engine went wrong or needed servicing, dad would ask me to help. I was good at it. Dad always said if I didn't make a pilot, and wouldn't be an electrician with him, then I'd make a good mechanic."

"He used to say things like that back then, even back when they were still encouraging me to aim for being a pilot. Because they did, at first, before I finished school and it turned out that I… well, I wasn't very good at it. It wasn't very easy for them to send me to Cadets, you know, they had to save for the money; if Simon hadn't stopped going to Scouts around when I started, they probably wouldn't have been able to-"

"Aww."

"What?"

"That's nice. Your brother giving up his club so you could go to yours."

"What? No, he didn't, he just didn't want to go any more."

"I see. He didn't want to go to a club he'd presumably been attending for years coincidentally exactly when you wanted to start in the Cadets."

"…Oh. Oh, bloody hell."

"Hmm. As unbearable as Simon undoubtedly is, Captain, it sounds like he took playing the 'big brother' quite seriously."

"Oh-h, he did. You have no idea. I know he was only trying to help, but he was always interfering with my business and sticking his nose in everywhere. I swear he used to listen in when I was on the phone to Chelsea-"

"Ah, would this be girlfriend number two?"

"Yes. I was fifteen when we met. She moved to Wokingham and transferred into my school. And… she joined the Air Cadets. She was the only other one from my school that went there. And she was… I mean, she was… well."

"Well?"

"I don't want to compliment my ex-girlfriend in a video to my current girlfriend! What am I supposed to say?!"

"That she was awful. Truly terrible. That you don't know what you were thinking, what temporary madness or folly of youth seized you, making you lose all sense of judgement and leading you, against your will, into the arms of a harpy!"

"Yeah! …She wasn't though."

"Oh, Martin!"

"Well, she wasn't! She was great! She was… funny, and, and smart and beautiful and, and, all the reasons I like you, Theresa-"

"Martin, no! You can't say that!"

"Oh, I don't mean it like that! I mean, she was just very… lively. Engaging. Always very kind, I mean, she could be horrible, but only in play, she wasn't being malicious. She was lovely. But… she made me feel terrible about myself. I mean, here was this girl, she was only my age, about my height, from the same sort of social background as me, and she was so much better at me than everything. She was better at school, she got great marks, she was really popular, even the teachers liked her, she was good at sports, she could play the piano in the school concerts and she was great at Cadets, too, she was as strong as the boys, she could clear the assault courses faster than me, and the climbing walls, and she could learn all the theory a lot quicker than me, and when we got to take the planes up for the first time, she did the best. And I… I was just the loser that got dizzy and passed out. I had an ear infection in the bad ear at the time! A bad ear infection! I'd, I'd been off school with it, I should have stayed at home, but I wasn't going to miss my first time in a plane. And she was so nice about it. I mean, she teased me something awful, made me feel like a total loser, but then she'd turn serious and say it wasn't my fault and I'd do better next time and- well, you get the gist."

"T-That was… probably the day it really started. I mean, I'd always been a bit, you know, jealous of her because she seemed to do everything so easily, but I think that was when I… I… started to, you know, fancy her. I mean, I'd never had a serious crush before, this is the first time I ever remember being… and it hurt, so much, all the time. It was probably a bit pathetic, really. It was just, just that she was so perfect and I so wasn't. I used to get so nervous around her I couldn't talk; I mean, I couldn't even move. I mean, I know all teenagers worry about being 'cool', but I just wanted to impress her so badly. I just always wanted to be that little bit better, that little bit cooler and more interesting and, and, more on her level basically. And I thought if I could do that, I could actually ask her out, without… well, without being ashamed of myself."

"Of course, I never got to be on her level. Heh, I don't think I'd be on her level now. She was one of those people that are so perfect they shouldn't be allowed to exist. So, I, I never asked her."

"Martin, you're supposed to be talking about your girlfriends. Even you can't think a girl you never asked out counts as-"

"I never asked her out until we were about to leave school. She was very ambitious. She wanted to be a doctor; she is a doctor. Well, a surgeon. Well, a brain surgeon. But that's not the point! When we finished school she was going off to do her A-levels and I was going to flight school- hoping to go to flight school, obviously that, that didn't exactly go to plan- um, but she was leaving the Cadets. So she could concentrate on her studies. So I thought, once we left school, I'd never see her again. But I… I wasn't going to ask her. I couldn't see what interest she could possibly have in a guy like me. We had this special assembly type thing on the last day of school, a sort of farewell graduation type thing, so we could all get our yearbooks signed and whatever, and I… I said goodbye to her. And I went out to the car park and my dad was waiting to pick me up, in his van, and I thought, I'm not going to be ashamed of it this time, I'm going to walk right over there and get in, even while everyone's watching- only I get there, and the door's locked. And, and not just sticking like it normally did, really actually locked. Deliberately. Dad wouldn't let me get in. He rolled down his window and he said 'Son, the heaviest thing you can carry in this life is regret and I'm damned if I'm going to let any kid of mine pick it up without a fight'. And so I had to go back. And, and ask her out, or he wasn't going to let me in the van. So, I… asked her. And, and when she understood what I was asking, because I was, you know, a bit nervous and it didn't really come out right; but once she knew what I meant, she said yes. We dated for two and a half years and it was… was… awful. I'm not just saying that, I mean it was, really, really awful. I just didn't realise it at the time."

"I don't mean I didn't enjoy it, or didn't like her, it was just… I had to try so hard all the time! I was constantly terrified that I wasn't good enough and one day she was going to wake up and realise it too! It was more like a competition than a relationship, and I always lost. However you looked at it, whatever category you put us in, she was always too good for me. And then she went off to some fancy sixth form joined onto the local grammar school and I… I didn't get into flight school. And she kept telling me it was fine, and I, I was good enough, for her and for flight training, and I spent a year helping my dad out with his rounds and then I… didn't get into flight school again. So then I sat down with Chelsea and mum and dad and Simon; who knows why he was there, except that he couldn't keep his nose out of other people's business and, and anyway, we decided I would try and get a, a proper job and save up and put myself through the PPL and CPL and mum and dad would help out, you know, make up the rest if I still couldn't afford it. I was going to try one more time at flight school, though, we sort of hoped that if I had some flying hours and some ratings already it might help. It, it didn't but… that was the plan, anyway."

"Well, that was what me and mum and dad decided, Chelsea didn't like it. She thought I should give it up, she wanted me to enrol at her college and do maths and physics and things. She said I could always get a private license later on, at my leisure, if I went and got a decent and well paid job first. But the only job I wanted was to be a pilot. And being a pilot is well paid enough- well, it um, it is usually anyway. So I didn't give up. I started working in shops and factories and mowing people's lawns and repairing things for people, and, and then spending most of the money on flying hours and instrument ratings and whatever. And Chelsea and I stayed together, it just wasn't… well, I was just always aware that she didn't approve of what I was doing. That she really did think I wasn't good enough by then, if she hadn't already. She just… didn't understand. And I mean, I, I didn't exactly have any money then; my parents were supporting me and chipping in for the flight hours, I didn't want to ask for more just so I could go to the cinema or whatever with my girlfriend. I didn't really have time, anyway, I mean, I was working three jobs; seventeen years old and I was working three jobs and doing whatever other odd jobs I could fit in on the side. And Chelsea was doing exams and getting fantastic grades and going off to do medicine at Oxford. We'd sort of held it together until then, though she was a bit fed up of how busy I was all the time, and how I 'only thought about flying'. It was actually… kind of a relief when she moved away to go to university. It was… freeing. I didn't have to worry about what she would think of what I'd been doing; I just had to decide about what to tell her or not tell her when she called at the weekends. So I… I wasn't really surprised when she phoned me one weekend and she said she'd met someone else. I mean, I, I always knew that… that one day she would wake up and realise I wasn't good enough. And she had. There was some guy on her course who, who didn't have to work all the time and was really good at what he wanted to do and was… 'going places'. I, I mean they got married and, and they're still together, they have like five kids and an enormous house in Kensington, I mean, they were obviously soul mates. I'm not really sure if that makes it better or worse, I mean, it, it just made me feel awful, because I, I didn't make the cut. I'd never made the cut and, and I was never going to."

"And… that was really it, for a long time. I mean, that was when I was eighteen and it took a little while before I started to realise that she… she wasn't perfect. For starters, when she said 'met someone else', she meant slept with someone else. And she must have been in love with him for a long time before that without telling me, or, or breaking up with me, because she wasn't the kind to just jump into bed with someone; I mean, we were together for two and a half years and we never… um, um, never mind. But I moped for a bit, you know, it hurt but… it was a relief, in a lot of ways. Like when she moved away, only better, because I only had to be good enough for myself. It didn't feel like I was going to be judged at any moment or like there was some invisible, impossible standard I had to live up to. And then I… I didn't get into flight school again and I really was going to have to put myself through it. Only my parents couldn't really afford to help any more. So that meant more jobs and more hours and night shifts and day shifts and I wouldn't have had time for a girlfriend even if I'd wanted one. I… I think at that point my family would have been happier if I'd given up and gone and got a proper nine to five job, had time for friends and relationships; heck, my dad even said as much to me, more than once, he was worried that I'd have to give up eventually and that I'd regret all the time and money I'd wasted. I think it just made me even more desperate to pass, to prove him wrong. And make Chelsea see I was going places too. I'd been in her shadow, for years, and I just… hadn't realised it. And then she moved on and… and the sun came out. I could just focus on becoming a pilot, focus on my dream. And I was only doing it for myself."

"And, um, things went on like that for a while. Years. I was getting to the age where I wanted to move out, but I was twenty-four before I could finally spare the money to. Although partly that was because I couldn't take my parents' disappointment every time I failed my exams and had to start over. I mean, disappointed for me, not with me, but I think my whole family thought I was a bit of an idiot. So I was pretty desperate to move out and I finally got the chance- I moved in with an old school friend. He was doing his doctorate and he needed some people to rent a house with. So there was him, his girlfriend, a friend of hers and me. A-and that was when I moved to Fitton, when I came to Parkside Terrace; they were all at the agricultural college, you see. Only it was a five bedroom place, and so they advertised for another person, you know, to make the rent lower for everyone; and we ended up with Naomi. She was… well, like me I guess. She'd burnt out early, been left at the bottom of the heap. She was twenty-one; she'd done her A-levels and then started working as a care assistant and ended up with an ass of a boyfriend. I think, I, I mean I'm not sure, she never said, but I thought- we all thought- this guy had probably beat her around a bit. He'd definitely messed her about, cheating on her, being on again, off again, all that stuff. Anyway, she'd finally chucked him for good and given up her job and come to the agricultural college just to give her a way to move out and get away. Not that she told me this for a long time; I think it was about a year after we started dating. The university just put her in touch with us because we had a spare room and that was about all we knew about her. She was so shy, she barely spoke to us. A-actually, that was how I ended up in the attic room. I'd been using one of the other rooms before, but when I heard she was coming, and they warned us how timid she was, I thought it would be a bit mean to stick her up in the loft. So I moved up there just before she came. Not that I minded, the rent was a bit cheaper up there anyway. So she moved in about October time and honestly, I didn't really see much of her. I was usually out working; I'd managed to find new jobs in Fitton, one on the airfield, actually, I used to help the maintenance team, for years and years, that was how I found out Carolyn was advertising-"

"Wait, wait, you worked at Fitton Airfield? As a caretaker?!"

"What? Yes, does it matter?"

"I never noticed you!"

"No, well, you wouldn't. Anyway, I left just after you joined MJN Air; I finally qualified and got my first pilot's job. But that's how I knew Carolyn was advertising my job when she did, I came back to speak to the airfield manager about some maintenance job the airfield we were based at needed doing-"

"Oh, so that's why you don't dare mix with the ground staff! You're worried they'll recognise you!"

"No, actually, everyone I worked with has retired or moved on by now and been replaced."

"But you were worried about it, when you first started, Captain Crieff."

"Yes, alright, you don't need to sound so happy about it."

"No, not at all, not at all. I'll just know where to come next time the grass needs cutting."

"Douglas, this is supposed to be for Theresa! Stop interrupting!"

"Alright, alright, keep your hair on. So, you were telling her about Naomi."

"Right. Naomi. Well… oh, goodness, that was a disaster from the start. Like I said, I barely saw her, and she was so shy, she used to just close herself off in her room and not associate with the rest of us. But she was, well, pretty-ish, she had all this long red hair and freckles. She was a bit too skinny, but she had a really great smile, when she occasionally did genuinely smile. So I used to try and, you know, bring her out of her shell a bit; I used to invite her to come out with us or eat with us or something, but she never wanted to. Anyway, one day the others were all out and she was in her room and I was in mine, and I heard this thud. I went to check on her- I, I thought something had fallen on her, I had to break the lock actually, and I found she'd been sitting at the desk, stood up too fast, hit her head on the shelf and knocked herself out. Oh! I'm not trying to make myself out to be a, a hero or anything, I was hardly dashing, I might have maybe panicked, a, a bit; but I got her on the bed and um, woke her up and we just… started laughing. And we just, gradually, we got talking. I mean, it wasn't straight away or anything, but I guess she thought now I'd seen that there was nothing else to be embarrassed about and maybe she was less nervous about talking to me. And then she started talking to the others, too, and then when she wanted to get away from them, she'd come up and sit in my room an she'd do her thing and I'd do mine and sometimes we'd talk. I didn't really expect to ever be dating her, it just… it just sort of… happened. I think so many people just kept on assuming we were going out that eventually we assumed it too."

"A-actually… actually, to be honest, Theresa, that's not really true. I wanted to go out with her. I wanted to go out with almost anyone; I was getting that desperate. All my friends were paired up, people were getting engaged and married left, right and centre and I guess I… I just felt lonely. And I still hadn't qualified, or got a proper job or a proper house, and it was like Chelsea all over again, except this time it was my standards I wasn't living up to. And I… I think Naomi was the same, a bit, or, or, if I was desperate, she was… needy. I'm not trying to have a go! I just mean we weren't, we weren't using each other, or, or if we were, at least we were both using each other- oh, no, no, goodness, that sounds awful. That's not what I mean! We were just… lonely. We were both lonely, and worried about the future, and worried that we were going to end up alone, and… and… well, it was better being alone together. Looking back, if I'm honest, I probably had a more mutually beneficial relationship with Lisa. Lydia. The first one! I mean, at least with, with her, we had things in common, even if it was only school. I think… I think really, looking back, Naomi and I just used to complain about things at each other. She never really told me the details about her boyfriend, but there were a lot of other things going on in her life, and when she finally started opening up to me, I listened and I tried to help. I liked helping her, I cared about her. And… oh, goodness, I'm going to sound totally heartless again, but I… I think I liked that I could help her. I'd never been able to help anyone before. It was always them helping me. And I guess I liked being the strong one for once, being more sorted than someone else, having it more together. I liked her too, she was very considerate, she wasn't at all bitter about all this stuff, she was always optimistic in the end and she was so sweet. But… she really just needed someone to talk to and comfort her. And I… I ended up as that guy. And we could never talk about me! If I told her about my problems, she would listen, and then change it all around so it was about her again! I liked being needed, but… I… I know it's selfish, but I needed someone sometimes too."

"It's not like she did it deliberately. She was just going through a bad time. I was basically her rebound. I wasn't exactly in a great place either. I don't blame her or anything, I don't think I really did anything wrong either, it just… it was never really going to work out. We had nothing in common, we wanted different things, we just… we brought out the worst in each other. I was, I guess, I was reinforcing that she couldn't stand on her own two feet and at the same time, it was just making me more sure that I had to make people like me, that I had to earn it or, or something. Arrgh, sorry Theresa, I don't know what I'm saying; if Douglas had let me keep the script it would have stopped me from-! A-anyway. Everything sort of blew up because of course eventually they graduated and they all moved out. I was the only one who stayed on in the house, because of the jobs and training and… I was, what, twenty-seven or twenty-eight by then, working towards my exams again, and, and this was the time I was going to pass; but I didn't know that then. So then all new students moved in, and they were the worst lot I ever had, noisy and messy and taking the mickey all the time, and Naomi was jealous. She was always coming round unexpectedly and staying the whole day, or phoning me up in tears because she missed me and I… I… didn't know how to deal with it. I wish I could have dealt with it better. I tried to be patient, I really did, but, I didn't know what to say to convince her and, and I had all my jobs and the exams to prepare for and... I thought she was just going through another bad patch, I mean, she still had them sometimes, and it was just because she needed to get used to us living apart. And maybe it was. I never found out, because, well, it all got worse again. I… I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean this to get so depressing, it was just… bad. It was, it was pretty bad. I'll try and keep this short, because, because you know, she was fine; she got some proper help and she's working again and dating again and doing much better, now, better than me, I mean, she has a house and everything and I think she got engaged- anyway."

"It got worse, like I said. That is, I mean, this was the time that my dad got sick. Got cancer, I mean. And it was just so unfair. He hadn't done anything wrong. He'd never smoked in his life, he ate well, kept healthy- but then it was chemo and recession and chemo again and, and… everything just changed. I was going home every weekend to try and help out, you know, but I usually just ended up arguing with him, he knew he was dying so the sod kept trying to find out if I was going to give up if I didn't pass this time and…. And…. I promised I would. What else could I do? I mean, he was my dad and, and he'd always seen me right, and I knew he was just worried because I'd, I'd spent so much and I wasn't getting anywhere. But I… I just wanted him to support me. Encourage me, like he used to, when I was a kid and he still thought I could do it and… and… I don't know. I just… I didn't want to be arguing with him when he was dying. But… but the idea of giving up, if I hadn't passed, I mean, it was just… it was… it made me feel like I was dying inside too, like I had to hide it from my mom too- because, that, that was always the main thing with him, he never wanted to let my mom see him suffering if he could help it. And my mom was the same, to him. They loved each other so much and… and my dad used to say to us that it was worse for her, because she was the one getting left behind, and, and we were all to look after her and, and find her a movie star to marry and- a-and… anyway, sorry, I'm supposed to be talking about Naomi, sorry."

"So, um, all that was going on and it was hard. It was… um, stressful. And… Naomi didn't help. Well, no, that's a bit unfair, it's not like she didn't try, I mean, she comforted me and stuff and she never complained that I couldn't see her because if I managed to get a day off, I was going down to mum's. It was more that I wasn't really there for her any more. I was too distracted by my own problems. Which was pretty much what she'd been doing to me- by accident, but still- since the start, if you think about it. I couldn't support her. I didn't have anything else to give her, and she wasn't happy about being separated anyway, and we started arguing all the time, and she was crying all the time and I just felt… trapped. And we were, we were both trapped, we were stuck in this, this awful rut of a relationship, this unhealthy, awful relationship, because we were too afraid to end it! So I ended it. Two days before my dad's funeral, actually, because I… I just… I didn't want her to be there. Ah, that makes me sound awful again! I think I was just grieving. Ah! I-I'm not trying to justify myself, I just… we weren't good for each other, and we just took so long to realise it. We were dragging each other down. That was what it was. We'd sort of, of fallen together hoping things would get better, but they didn't. They got worse. For both of us. We made things worse for each other, I mean."

"It wasn't easy, though. I mean, she was pretty upset. I was pretty upset. I knew it was the right thing to do, but it was the total opposite to Chelsea. With Chelsea, once we'd broken up, I started realising all the things I hadn't liked about her, but with Naomi I… I started missing all these things- but it was the right thing to do. I knew that at the time, and I know it now. So, um, I got the van and I started Icarus so I could give up my night job, and I had more time to study, and I memorised the manuals, and finally qualified a few months after dad died. So I got my first job, abandoned the removals, left my job at Fitton, started working as a pilot, and, and then the job came up at MJN and… well, that was it really. There was never anyone else in all of that. I didn't really think there would be either, and, well, I mean, I tried a few times but nothing ever worked and I didn't think it would, but, then, I met you."

"It was just so different with you. I don't think you even realise how different it is. It went so much better and I wasn't even trying to impress you. Well, I mean, not you-you, I was sort of trying to impress Princess-you. And the King, before… well, before I knew it was Maxi. But I even messed that up, I, I mean, with the dragon, and the sweeping for assassins, and the medals, and that ground engineer getting the fuel wrong- and you… you never once made me feel stupid, even when you were teasing me, it wasn't like you were looking down on me at all, even after all that. And then you said yes to Duxford, and y-you were still interested, and it was like… I was good enough. And, and I'd messed up and made mistakes but you were still interested, because it wasn't something I had to earn. I was… I was just so confused. I mean, it was obvious t-that this wasn't like either of my other two relationships, but I wasn't quite sure what I was meant to be doing- and I was so sure I'd misheard or, or misunderstood, or that you'd only agreed to be polite. I was so nervous, I don't think I slept at all the night before, I was so busy thinking about what I'd do and say and how I'd act and, and… all these mad plans. To be honest, though, by the morning I'd pretty much convinced myself you weren't going to turn up."

"Theresa, I… I fell in love with you at Duxford, you know. I just wouldn't admit it, to you or to me. Because, you know, things had gone so wrong for me before, and I work next to a man with three divorces, for a woman with two divorces, who is dating a man with four divorces. And I'd seen how hard mum found it when dad died and, and I just… I didn't believe in the fairytale any more. And you're a princess! You are a fairytale! I was so sure that it was going to be a bit like with Chelsea, that I was going to be constantly worrying about you realising I'm not good enough, that because you're so wonderful I'll always feel rubbish in comparison. But, it… it's not like that. The second you arrived at Duxford, and we started talking, all that worry just flew away. It was just so easy, you made it so easy, and it hardly mattered what I was doing wrong or how stupid I looked, or, or whatever, I wasn't thinking about that, because I was so busy thinking about you. And I was mostly just thinking… wow. And we started dating, and I, I don't think you're going to wake up one morning and realise I'm not good enough, actually, because you aren't stupid and… and you've always thought I am good enough. And sometimes that terrifies me, but… but… it's not something I feel like I have to live up to. It's something I'm grateful for. And… I'm trying to make you happy, because it makes me so happy when you are, not that I don't want you to be happy anyway, but- oh, goodness, this isn't making any sense."

"W-what I'm trying to say is, I'm glad that it didn't work out with Naomi, or Chelsea, or, or, Lynne. Because then I wouldn't be with you, and… I don't want to even imagine that. For the first time in my life, I'm glad it's taken me so long and that I've never- that I've never- that is, I, I didn't- with any of them- or, or anyone- I'm glad it'll just be you! Because… because it is only you. I know relationships break down, I know I fly for Divorce airlines, but not you. Not us. Because, l-like I said, it's only you. I don't want anyone else. And maybe I'm asking too much, I mean, it's enough that I got to have my dream, that I get to fly planes. Like you said, I'm lucky. I got to live my dream. But… it's not my dream anymore. N-not the only one, anyway. I love being a pilot. I love flying. But, I love being with you, seeing you, just… just, I love you. Even more. Than… I mean, last week, when I had to fly out to the middle of nowhere in South America, and I couldn't get a phone signal, I just… I didn't want to be on the flight, because I didn't want to go a day without contacting you. Because I… Theresa, I love you more than I love flying! If I had to choose between being a pilot or being with you, I would choose you! Please, um, don't make me choose, but I mean it. And that's quite terrifying actually! Only… it doesn't feel terrifying. It feels great. It feels like standing in front of that model of the Spirit of St Louis, and like my first time in a plane- t-that is, the first time I didn't pass out- and, and, the day I got my licence, and all the other good days in my life combined together into all the best feelings I've ever had, only better, and if you don't marry me, Theresa; if you won't marry me, I don't know what I'm going to do, because I couldn't settle for a life that didn't have you in it!"

"…And cut."

"Ahhhh! Douglas!"

"Oh, Martin, don't tell me you forgot I was here."

"I… I…"

"Tell me, did you intend to propose, or was it merely incidental?"

"Um… I, um…"

"Don't worry, Martin. You did well. That was lovely."

"Oh. Thank you."

"Of course, as this was only a practice, the camera wasn't actually switched on."

"What?!"