Edit: Yes, you have seen this before, you aren't crazy. Not for that reason anyway...Despite my friend's belief, I think this would be better without a lemon...more angst-y...I've written a couple of light heart-ed stories, and I am going to work on a one shot and a more serious multi chap. so be on the look out! In the meantime, read 'Roomates' or 'My Sister's Boyfriend' I suppose...and Review!! I so do not own Kingdom hearts...and I never will. Woe is me.
It was dark. Depressing. Raining. As usual. That's why he wanted out of this Godforsaken 'cult', everything was the same. What was the Organization's purpose? How did Sora get involved? Why was Namine such an important factor? Roxas had so many questions, and no one had given him the answers he needed. So he was leaving. There was no reason for him to stay any longer.
Number VIII stood against the wall, eyes closed. Roxas tried to walk past without being noticed. It would ruin everything. Every step felt like a mile, but he thought he was in the clear. Free to leave without any conflict.
"You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!"
The redhead was far more attentive than he was given credit for.
He sighed.. They wouldn't bother. They didn't care enough, or at all, since Riku and Sora were brought into the picture. Besides, if they did go after him, he'd be glad. Anything to get away from this miserable life...and he couldn't even call it that. He didn't even glance back at his superior. He knew the man well enough to know it would break them both if he made eye contact.
"No one would miss me."
He was sure of that. He had no purpose within the group. After all, he was the lowest ranked Nobody, and a nobody he was.
"That's not true... I would."
Leave it to Axel to say the one DAMN thing that could possibly slow him down. Something in his chest wrenched painfully. It certainly wasn't a heart, they didn't have them. Of course, Number VIIII, Demyx, thought otherwise. Even he was confused by the bond Roxas shared with Number VIII. It was so hard to explain...even to himself. Axel had been his partner, best friend, like a brother at times. Axel kept him sane, always promising that they would leave together as friends. Roxas always felt something was wrong with those words. Their bond was stronger than friendship, different from a brotherhood. So why was he leaving such a huge part of his -almost- life behind?
Flasback- They sat on the old clock tower as the sun set. Brilliant rays of light shot across the sky.
"Finally woken up?"
He looked up. The man he saw seemed to shine in the light. His emerald eyes were filled with sadness.
"Axel."
Number VIII sighed.
"Nope, maybe you're going to sleep. Soon I won't even be able to talk to your consciousness like this."
"I... I'm going back to how I was."
He used to hate Sora. After all, he would have to leave everything he'd ever known and everyone he'd ever loved behind. Loved? As if such a thing were possible.
"I've thought about it a lot. Namine said the same thing. Roxas, you have a heart, don't you? While Namine and I... we don't really have hearts, do we?"
"I... I don't know either."
"I guess not..."
"But the heart's not something you can see. I've started wondering whether it's something you can't even feel either... If so, then... Nah, never mind..."
"Hm? What are you getting at?"
Perhaps they did have hearts. Axel and Namine weren't the only ones thinking. After all, it took something to feeling anything right? Sadness, Joy, Fear, Anger, Love...
"I'm sure Sora'll find the answer. Because he's me."
"Yeah, that's true... This really takes me back. Do you remember? We first met the day you got your new name. And then we watched the sunset from up here."
He remembered. Even then, there had been something about this man that made it impossible to stay away.
"Yeah. This is where I came from. Everyone... Hayner, Pence, Olette... I hope they're okay."
Like they mattered as much to him as Number VIII did...
"You should go and see them again, looking for your answer."
"Yeah... So... I have to go. Sora's waiting for me."
Sora was a kind soul, letting him talk to Axel like this. He wished he could stay longer, but he doubted even forever would be long enough.
"Yeah, I guess he is... Whoa, this ice-cream really is salty!"
It was just like him, to change the subject when something made him uncomfortable. Normally Roxas would call him on it, but hearts and emotions were not something he wanted to discuss at the moment.
"Goodbye, Axel."
"Goodbye... partner."
Roxas didn't miss the tear that fell to the concrete before his best friend entered the portal to darkness.
It took something to feel anything...weren't tears evidence of grief?
-End Flashback-
"Axel..."
The redhead was silent. Roxas knew he was still there, still listening.
"How much, would you miss me?"
At first, neither spoke. Roxas felt a hand upon his shoulder.
"I'd miss you more than I should."
So this was it then. His nonexistent heart wrenched even more painfully.
"Why?"
He'd been using that word a lot lately, questioning everything he thought he knew.
"I love you."
His green eyes seemed faded compared to that day at the clock tower. The eyes really are windows to the soul, or lack of one in this case. Lack of heart, lack of feelings, it only made sense that they wouldn't have souls either. Thus, no soul mates to fall in love with. That made his words false.
"How can you?"
If anyone was deserving of a heart, save for Namine and Demyx, it was the man standing in front of him. Axel. Axel, who had saved his..being?...on several occasions. Axel, who had shielded Namine from Larxene. Axel, who had cried the day on the clock tower...deserved a heart. Still, he didn't have one, so how could he possibly know 'Love'? Even people with hearts didn't understand love. It was a complicated emotion. There, lies the problem.
"Roxas...I don't know, but please believe me when I say I do. Love you. I don't know how or why, but I do. I want you to understand that."
False.
"How can you?"
His voice rose in pitch. Tears were threatneing to spill. Emotions? No...Illusions.
"I want you to stay with me in the Organization for a while. Until we can leave together. I love you Roxas."
Lies.
"It's not possible."
"How many times do you want me to say it? I love you! Don't leave!"
He hadn't realized he was backing away. The tears flowed freely, mocking him.
"I don't care how many times you say it. I want you to mean it."
Roxas suprised them both with those words. The only sound was of rain hitting the pavement around them.
Then Axel leaned down and kissed him. Niether felt anything beyond the physical touch.
Roxas broke it off, refusing to glance back as he conjured up a portal. Axel stayed quiet, no longer pleading with him to stay.
As much as they wanted there to be, there was nothing there. No sparks, no warmth, nothing. No emotions whatsoever.
Perhaps they had no inkling of a heart after all.
Roxas entered the portal and the redhead sank to the ground. There was no grief, no tears came. It took something to feel anything, and he couldn't feel.