Chapter One – I'm a Boy

I stared, sorrowfully, at my reflection in the mirror dad hung up on my closet door last Christmas. "I'm not a girl, I'm a boy." My hips and thighs were disgustingly curvy and wide, my chest had two repulsive lumps of fat growing on it, my jawline was all misshapen, my hair was too long, and I couldn't stand too hear my own voice or see myself in the mirror. But I forced myself to hold my own gaze in the mirror. This was as safe and secluded as I would get. Drew was hogging the bathroom down the hall. "Hi, my name's Jordan." My voice was barely audible even to myself, and I glanced again over at my door. 'I hope they can't hear me.' I'd closed it and shoved my desk chair in front of it because my door had no lock. I shook my head, frustrated. It didn't feel right. "Hi, my name's Alex." Still not right. 'Ugh! Why can't I find a name? I just need a name. Why is it so hard?'

"Grace! Drew! Hurry up!" My mom yelled down the hall at us. "You've got five minutes and we're leaving!"

Hearing my own name was like getting a punch to the gut every time. "Coming mom!" I yelled. I gave myself one last glance over and sighed. Wearing exclusively plain polos and t-shirts and graphic tees with jeans only helped so much. Today, I was wearing a plain red polo and a grey jacket, both from the girls section, over skinny jeans. It was annoying. They showed every single body feature I tried to ignore. I grabbed my plain black backpack and rushed to put on my black athletic shoes. I had a love-hate relationship with that damn mirror. 'I wish I had a binder. But you can't order stuff online with just Christmas money.' Then, another thought. 'Actually, I wish I was two years older. If I was 16 I could get my license and a job and buy myself whatever I wanted.'

I walked out to meet my mom. We were still waiting for Drew. He'd at least made it from the bathroom back to his room. "I like your outfit, hunny." I pulled a smile at her compliment and hoped it looked convincing. "Thanks mom!" Then, she continued. "Why don't you wear your hair down today, Gracie? You're going to ruin it wearing it up like that all the time. Other girls would kill to have hair like yours." She frowned at me with that same displeased frown she always seemed to have for me and grabbed her purse from the counter. I shrugged, noncommittal. "I just like it like this."

Then, Drew walked out of his room, shut the door after him, and jogged out to meet us. My mom was on him in a heartbeat. "Drew, if you're doing to make running late a habit, I will take you out of athletics."

"Sorry Audra!" Somehow, he always took forever. And I was supposed to be the girl here. "Got a girl to impress?" I asked, as my mom led the way out the door to her car. The red minivan she's had for like ever. I climbed in front and Drew in the back with his athletic bag. He had practice this morning. Drew grinned as he buckled up but he avoided my gaze when I glanced back at him. "Maybe." I wish he'd talk more with me. He knows I like girls now and he'd kept my secret so far. 'Guess it's just awkward for him.' I envied the fact that he could wear whatever cologne he wanted. I was stuck with the girly bath and body works stuff my mom got me for Christmas. I used them sparingly, on occasion, mostly out of guilt. 'She spends money on me and all I do is waste it not using them.'

"What's her name?" My mom asked. I laughed at his expense. She was gonna spend the rest of the ride interrogating Drew about this girl he may or may not like. "You should invite her for dinner sometime." I pulled out my phone, plugged in headphones, and turned the music on shuffle.