My little one-shot dedicated to Kurama's inner struggle to live as someone he is not. Chapter one of a four-part series.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.

We All Fall Down

Just Kurama

Ring around the rosy,

I sat silently on the windowsill, watching as the stars twinkled leisurely in the sky, a lethargic consistency that was to be expected on a clear night.

My eyes traveled up to the shining moon and back down to the last stragglers of the night as they made their way to their houses on the otherwise deserted streets.

None of them knew, none of them knew.

There was an obliviousness that I always saw in humans. There was always that 'turn the other cheek' method they used to deny all the supernatural occurrences around them. It was simply how they survived: through denial.

I was not privy to this knowledge; the ability to ignore all of the reality around me. I was born aware, terribly aware, of all the evil that lurked amongst us…both in the human and demon worlds.

"Shuichi, are you still awake?"

I sighed, climbing down from the windowsill, "I'm going to bed mother."

I would forever be aware.

A pocket full of posy,

"Shuichi-kun, will you help me with this homework? I just don't get it!"

I sighed as the human females flocked around me. They would always flirt to the best of their abilities. They thought it was working, they thought I was considering them as I smiled and helped them with their homework, answering their questions, adding inquiries of my own to know little tidbits of their lives. It would satisfy them, to think that I was flattered by them, that I actually cared.

I didn't.

Regardless of the respect I have gained for humans, I only care for a select few. My views on humanity have not changed so drastically that I have completely integrated into their society as most of my brethren think.

I am more a demon than a human, and that is something I will never forget.

I may look human; I may be big green eyes, long red hair, a pretty face, a beautiful body, but I will never be a human. I will always be ugly on the inside, thinking of sinful things that these human children could never comprehend.

I am alone.

I am one of a kind in my situation. I am a demon, yet not a demon. I am a human, yet not a human. I am not like Yusuke: I do not exist on the plane of in-between.

I simply do not exist on either plane. I do not float in the middle. I simply am not.

This is the existence I have resigned myself to, and I'm good at it.

Hush-a, hush-a,

Hiei is now perched on my windowsill as I sit up in bed, the morning light forcing me to shut my eyes again.

I have no school today, thank the gods.

He wonders why I am acting so odd. I am not acting so different, but he thinks I am off. I told him that there was nothing to worry about.

There isn't, after all.

He asks me why I live under the guise of a human, and I answer him with all truth. He stares at me, unable to understand, unable to relate.

That's fine. He may be my best friend, but he will never be like me. He can't be like me.

When he asks why I stay, when I obviously do not care for humans, I respond without hesitation. I care for those select few: my mother, my step-father, my step-brother, and the humans who are privy to my alter-ego. To the slightly truer me: to the me that does not pretend to be a human or a demon. I care for those who know me as I simply exist, as I have being, not place.

None of them really see that, but they are more onto me than they think. After all, do they think of me as demon, human, or half-demon? No. When they think of me, they think of me as Kurama.

All things categorize by nature. When someone thinks of Hiei, they think demon. When someone thinks of Kuwabara, they think human. When someone thinks of Yusuke, they think half-human, half-demon.

When someone thinks of me, they think Kurama.

That's simply how it is.

I am aware of myself, of my world, of my existence. I am also aware that my world is crashing around me as I slowly find myself in a tug-of-war between the two sides of my being…

…for I cannot simply exist forever in that displaced plane of survival where I have no place at all…I cannot. Eventually I must choose and face the consequences of leaving one side behind.

I can be Youko or I can be Shuichi, but I cannot remain as Kurama.

I am aware. I am aware, and that existence that I have resigned myself to, no matter how good I may be at it, cannot last forever.

Nothing lasts forever.

We all fall down.