Sambuca Kelly...unique name for an extraordinary girl. Yeah, I wish. The only thing mildly extraordinary about me is that I'm dying. Brain tumour. You might think I'm acting extremely calm, being brave about it. Truth is, I'm not. The truth is I'm terrified. Not as much for me, because I know my own fate, I don't matter anymore. I'm terrified for them. For her. But more than anything, for him.
My mom will fall apart, she'll be a wreck, I hope and pray to god she won't go back to the drink, if only for Den and Prince. I'm terrified for Den, he's already fragile as it is, and I can't bear the thought of him going the same way as earl. And Prince, he's barely old enough to remember me. How sick is that? It's twisted, a little boy not remembering his sister because she died before he started school. I was meant to watch him grow up, I was meant to complain to mom about babysitting, meant to take him to the park, warn him off all the girls, approve of his first girlfriend, be the maid of honour at his wedding. None of that will happen and it almost breaks my heart. Almost but not quite.
What actually tears me in two is him. Me not being there with him. I know that Kyle, Josh, Amy and Lauren will survive, they have each other, they have their parents, they have people. Unlike him.
Finn Sharkey.
The Finn Sharkey I spent most of last year squabbling with, the one I have such an amazing connection with. I'm almost glad I'm the one who's dying. I seriously could not live without him. But also I wish I could stay. I've begged the doctors to find a solution, find a cure. There isn't one, so I have to leave him. That terrifies me the most. He'll be all alone...again.
I can only hope he talks to Josh or Tom or Chris, I just hope he talks to someone. He's come so far, become so grown up, so amazing, he can't go back, I can't let that happen, I won't let that happen.
Before I go, I want to do something; I want to make him see that he is special, that he is loved, that he is wanted. I know I don't have long, but I will help him, it's my last goal, my only remaining goal.
I love him so much; I have to do this for him.
Only then can I pursue my destiny.