Chapter One

Disclaimer: The characters and world are all from the mind of J.K.R.

Hermione was tired; tired of Ron acting like a stranger, tired of being looked down upon at work and tired of trying to fit in to a corrupt society. Although she fleetingly enjoyed working at the Ministry at the Protection of Magical Creatures, to be perfectly honest, it was boring. No challenge, no fire, just paperwork and a few disgruntled employees. She had always wanted to be an Auror and with Harry's help managed to get into training but "apparently" there was no space left for her. Hermione did not simply look past this suspicious incident, still aware of the undeniable corruption of magical blood in the ministry. Despite the war ending positively, old habits die hard and the ministry and most of the wizarding world were no exceptions. Its suspicious nature, however, was lost when Harry apologised profusely and Ron took her out for dinner. On reflection Hermione realised it was a year since Ron had done anything like that.

It was a Wednesday and Ron was late again. Hermione's hot-off-the-stove dinner had turned ice cold. For Merlin's sake, where could he be? No owl, no note. Nagging girlfriend or not Hermione wanted, no needed, to know and began to pick her brain for answers. This was not an unusual thing for Hermione to do but the real question was: where to start?

Pacing, she looked all around the apartment for clues, perhaps Nancy Drew had rubbed off on her too much as a child. 'Think Hermione, Think!'

The possibilities began to stream out – At Harry's, at a Quidditch function, the Burrow, somewhere for work… But no, because at all of these places he would have told her he was busy… The Leaky Cauldron? No, too noticeable. Not the shops as there was nothing to buy… The matchsticks.

A few days previous, Hermione had found a small packet of matchsticks inscribed with the word "Plaisir" in the back pocket of Ron's jeans when she was washing their clothes for the week (another flaw of Ron is his inability to help around the house). She had attempted to brush it off as nothing important but she couldn't help the nagging feeling that caused her to constantly contemplate its context. Taking a gamble, Hermione apparated to this "Plaisir".

In one word Hermione was shocked. Yes, she was willing to except a bar or maybe a quiet club but it was a strip club. This was not looking good. Casting a glance in a nearby reflection, Hermione noticed she looked out of place. Her ballet flats, jeans and a plain grey tee could not compare with what could only be described as slut-central. Pulling out her wand from her pocket she transfigured her clothes into a very short denim skirt and an indecently low cut green singlet, her shoes instantly becoming black strappy heels.

To add to this, a simple incantation was muttered and Hermione was instantly transformed. To ensure she was not recognisable, her hair was now red, her nose smaller, her cheek bones sharper and her breasts now the size of the average man's dreams. Pulling out her shoulders and her head held high, it was time to act; find locate Ron and then find out why the bloody hell he was at "Plaisir".

Cautiously, but with a fake confidence, Hermione walked in the club. Looking around she saw girls of all shapes and sizes, however they were all wearing ridiculously small costumes including people in nurse's uniforms, wonder woman livery and leather corsets. Hermione instantly felt degraded of her sex and even more of herself. Optimistically, she hoped Ron was not here and was tempted to turn back. But she was not Gryffindor for nothing and ignoring the stares of the seedy men, she began to look for the dratted Ronald Weasley. The search however did not take long; lounging around with women draping over him was the 'so called in love' Ronald Weasley.

Emotions swept over Hermione - Disgust. Loathing. Hatred. Embarrassment. She may be a Gryffindor and had boundless courage but that still didn't mean she had the guts to face him here. She was about to turn away when the traitor himself pinched her on the bum.

Hermione had three options – play along and get her revenge, walk away or erupt like Mount Vesuvius. She took the first option; she was not a coward and she, for the sake of others overhearing, decided that payback would be better and not worth the embarrassment in public.

Turning around, Hermione realised that being the sweet, kind Hermione she had never gained opportunities, had lost her loving boyfriend and well, had a boring life (not including her dramatic part in the war). It was time to change and take charge of her life and mission one: operation carrot stew- taking revenge on the horny Ronald Weasley.

Turning around Hermione plastered a seductive smile and began.

"You know sexy, you didn't need to pinch me to make me give you attention". Inside Hermione was puking, 'This was the type of women Ronald liked?' she thought, bewildered by the notion.

"Well I could not resist, babe. How come I haven't seen you round here before? I am sure I know all the regulars."

'Regular? He has been here regularly? Maybe it's just an unhealthy obsession? Maybe the twins put him up to this?' considered Hermione.

"I am new", she started to fabricate a story, this was Hermione's big chance to reel him in. "But I have heard stories about you and was actually on the way to see if they were true. You are Ron 'the beast in bed' Weasley, yes?" Hermione pouted whilst leaning a bit so Ron could see the knockers to die for.

Ron, distracted by Hermione's new assets, awoke from a daze and flashed a smile that could challenge Gilderoy Lockhart's. 'Disgusting,' Hermione thought. Revenge would need to occur and the sooner the better. Plans racing in her mind she knew she needed him alone.

"Well then, Mr Weasley, let's see if the legends are true."

Grabbing hold of Ron's hand Hermione led him up a flight of stars and into a small and dirty room in which had a bed, a mirror and an adjoining bathroom.

"Well, why don't you just sit on the bed while I just freshen up," flashing a smile Hermione left an excited Ron and entered the bathroom. It was time for action; again using a simple incantation Hermione transformed her outfit into a slinky black number showing quite a lot of thigh. Turning to a mirror she reapplied some lip gloss and smirked in her reflection. Her plans were so ruthless that they would put the Slytherin king Draco Malfoy to shame.

Exiting the bathroom, the wand at the ready, Hermione saw Ron clutch at his jewels yet fail to contain himself.

Cockily she asked, "Is that your wand or are you excited to see me?"

Attempting to cover his blush, Ron put on a deep voice, "Well let's just say that this mighty weapon can be more useful than a wand…"

'Disgusting', Hermione thought again, 'purely disgusting. I just have to get out of here.'

Ron was thinking, however, "Come on darl', don't be shy. I want to get into your knickers, now."

Unfortunately for Ron, he said this out loud.

Hermione, her anger building, wanted to explode but she stopped for a second, she wanted to confirm something.

"Before we go, Baby", Hermione inwardly grimaced, "You don't have a girlfriend or partner do you?"

"Not when I can have you and your knickers", Ron smiled.

At this point Hermione erupted and let's just say that Mount Vesuvius seems like a speck of dust in comparison. Hermione meant nothing to him? She had a newfound vengeful notion that she was going to make sure he always remembered her (and not in a good way).

"You arrogant jerk, filthy piece of scum…" After a little more ranting on Hermione's side and shock on the other, Hermione transfigured herself back into her clothes and her body.

At this stage Ronald Weasley was going red and could compare to a fire engine.

"Well, you know what Ronald Bilius Weasley? We are over; completely and utterly over."

Attempting to support these allegations in his own stupid way he commented, "that's fine, actually it's great – Hermione you are boring, ugly and a mudblood."

Readers I dare say, you know the impact of these words. Draco Malfoy, the ferret, called her this but never Ron, the apparent love of her life. With as much dignity as possible she accioed a pink lacy g-string and then with a new spell she had just recently created managed to super-magic-glued the g- string underneath his boxers onto his skin.

"Let's just say this is my parting present, you finally got into some knickers- and don't even try to get them off; they won't be coming off soon." With a final slap –the echoed noise being quite the reward for Hermione- she left Ron with his problem.

Hermione exited the building with a newfound perspective and agenda – a new life, a new job, a new boyfriend but most importantly revenge.

Thanks for reading, please review! I'd love to hear your opinion. :)