The room was dark, filled only with the thoughts of a lonely petite girl hiding under her bed covers from the outside world. She couldn't seem to shut up her own mind and her thoughts. Her conscious and subconscious seemed to release all of her insecurities in a rush at once and had no signs of slowing. What is wrong with me? I will never be good enough. Why do I get in such deep depression funks? I'm supposed to be stronger than this. Am I really that pathetic sitting alone in her room flooding her eyes out?
In the sad realization of her self pity, Lea couldn't understand how she got there. She remembered her dreams after graduating high school and swearing she would never let others tear her down even though it came with the biz. Deep down she knew the truth. Her self-esteem was fragile, no different than the next girl. She had just been hurt in one of the hardest ways possible. On bad days like today she had troubles coping with the isolation.
Too many nights she sat, lying in bed, daydreaming about an alternate reality and realizing that her world would never compare. It was nights like these where all she wanted was someone. Someone who understood everything about her and knew by looking into her eyes what she was feeling. Someone who would be there to just listen and talk. Lea knew the real truth though. She wanted the comfort of a guy who would giver her teddy bear hugs and hold her in his arms until they were forced to break apart. Was it so bad to want to feel secure and loved? Her past relationships seemed destined to end badly, with Lea crashing and burning right along with them.
But tonight was just like all the others. Lea was alone. Nothing in her life was going right. Her dreams of getting into the acting biz or even more on Broadway were dashed. The breakdown that night came from yet another casting director telling her she would never be pretty enough to make it in Hollywood. Not pretty enough? Those words stung down to the core and this time she couldn't just shake it off. Wondering why she even continued to try to do what she loved, Lea contemplated taking a beer or two out of the fridge.
Before she made it to the fridge to drown herself in her sorrows, the phone rang. Was it even worth answering? Lea thought, deciding with her luck that it was probably just another call back saying she had no talent and couldn't sing. Slowly, she walked to her phone and picked it up.
"Hello?" Lea managed to get out, trying not to sound like she hadn't been crying for the last few hours.
"LEA! You never called me back!" a high pitched cheerful voice filled the phone.
Lea paused, realizing how the time had gotten away from her. Not wanting to really talk to anyone when she sounded so pathetic, she didn't feel too sorry for not returning the phone call. Dianna broke the silence, "Lea… are you okay sweetie?"
This time Lea answered, "Yea, sorry Dee, I've just had a rough day I guess." Realizing the tone of her voice Dianna understood that all to well known tone and feeling of rejection. She too had no luck in getting herself casted and had to deal with the same harsh rejection that Lea was feeling. Trying to make her friend feel better, Dianna wasn't going to let Lea be alone at a time like this.
"Cheer up Lea! I have just the news for you! I found us both another show to audition for and it looks like its going to be a good one, I can feel it Lee, this is going to be our break. My agent just gave me the script yesterday and there are multiple roles still open."
Not amused or ready for another harsh rejection, Lea was hesitant. But after all the trouble Dianna was going through to help her, she couldn't say no. This will be the last audition for awhile, Lea promised herself. She wasn't sure if she could take any more people flat out telling her that she didn't have the looks or talent. Lea hung up the phone after some chatting and headed for bed. A hangover the next morning was not worth forgetting her troubles for the night.