Amantes

by fragments

Sometimes, barriers are too high to be climbed. Sometimes they are broken down.

Isn't it strange, how things can turn on you within the blink of an eye without you even fully noticing it? This place, shabby though it is, is my home and my sanctuary. From the moment you walked in here it changed, the entire place now resonates with one single thought, a single feeling.

You are not welcome here, it tells me. Just like those eyes of yours, those shining eyes so much like those of your son but nonetheless so different the comparison becomes void. Whereas his are still blue as always, yours have turned translucent and foreboding.

In truth, is it not amazing? You walked in to my home and I am the outcast here. You have done this many times, and not always to me. When you let that chilling gaze of yours sweep across your surroundings you immediately claim them. It has been thus for generations in your family, you are used to getting what you desire, but you have turned it in to an art form my love.

"Aren't you going to greet me Severus? Has this place corroded your manners or is it simply my presence you find so off-putting?"

"Give it up Lucius. I am old and my aches are so numerous that I'm hardly in the mood for one delivered to my pride on top of them. What is it you need from me?" I asked you, my desire for a swift conclusion to the visit making my tongue sharper than it need be.

You took a disdainful look at my sparse furnishings and chose the chair closest to the door with a slight sigh. I knew you are far better at playing polite than that but the days when I would take offence were long gone. You had come to the wrong place to seek conflict, I would not willingly participate in a quarrel with you.

"Why Severus, it almost sounds as if you would like to take some points. Well fear not, I shan't be long. However, I will request that you make a point of reading a book on manners, Severus, so we may avoid this in the future."

"There is no audience for you here, you might as well give it up. I will ask you again; why have you come?" I ask impatiently.

The truth of the matter was that I had longed to have you close but when faced with the real thing my fantasy could not match up. After all those years you had changed little, your posture was as perfect as ever and the few lines on your face marked you as a man who lived, and lived well. In contrast, I was an old and bitter man with no virtues to speak of and a temper that had only gotten more foul with each passing month.

Barriers had been erected between us for arguments long forgotten and they were kept in place for continuity's sake. I correctly judged them too high and myself too feeble to climb them.

"I am here on an errand but I will have your head if it spreads any further that I would consider taking one at all. There is to be a reunion held at the manor and your attendance has been requested."

"That tells me very little, Lucius. If my memory serves you still know how to operate a floo and own several competent owls," I snapped.

"Very well done, Severus, I see Lady Dementia is not knocking on your door quite yet."

"I should hope not, I am not even fifty years old yet. Dare to make a quip about my heritage and you will learn what else I have not forgotten. Are you truly going to make me say it again?"

You shifted in your seat, a diversion if I interpreted it correctly, and took out a sealed scroll. With a flick of the wrist you threw it at me and got to your feet.

"Would you truly rather have me leave?"

I forced my hands to be still and favoured you with one of my more tempered expressions. You were watching me with that Malfoyesque raised eyebrow and I had to look away. There was no really good way to say what I had to say, so I just uttered the first words that came in to my mind.

"I'd rather you'd not have come at all."

"I see," you said in a level tone. With a small smile you turned on your heel and left, foregoing the lengthy farewells, leaving me with that scroll clutched in my left hand. And as you closed the door the sound of it echoed in my mind bringing so many implications with it that it made me light-headed.

I carelessly broke the seal on the scroll and scanned the contents. It said absolutely nothing about any reunion of any sort, it was an invitation to a dinner at the manor for relatives and a few close friends. He had even had the foresight to not give me too much time to brood about it, the date was for the following day. He knew me well and that was a curse as much as a blessing. He knew I would attend if he asked it of me and the theatrics were meant to unbalance me. It had not failed before and it did not fail this time either.

I let the scroll fall to the floor, a poor pretence of inattention which shamed me somewhat. I had been above that not too long ago.

I made my way through the dark hall of my, admittedly, shabby house to the small kitchen. It was perhaps small and substandard but it was clean and it was my own. There were memories stored in the thin walls and worn railings and doorknobs, memories I'd not have ridiculed. I would not make an exception even for you, Lucius.

I would attend that so-called reunion and I would make myself as inaccessible as possible. I would eat what I was served and drink what you would have me drink, nod curtly in greeting to anyone I was acquainted with and inquire about the well-being of Draco when Narcissa came to for the obligatory hostess chat. When it all ended I would pick myself up, proclaim it late, and leave for my dingy, dark sanctuary.

Unfortunately, that qualified as a plan, and plans never seemed to work quite the way I wanted them to. There was room to manoeuvre in this one though and that would simply have to do.

"Who are you kidding, Severus," I said to myself. "You are too old for denial."

With that final thought I climbed the stairs to my bedroom and closed the door on the scene we had played out moments earlier.

The morning came sooner than I'd hoped, I had entertained the idea of simply never waking up at all and leaving you with a message saying 'So sorry, old chap, I seem to have passed away' but it was not to be. I endeavoured to make the transition from horizontal to vertical a smooth one but to no avail, my back creaked like a gate in dire need of oiling. And my similes were in dire need of polishing as well.

Determined to think of the 'reunion' as little as possible, I made my way downstairs in my nightshirt and set about making tea manually. While the water was boiling I collected the Prophet from the waiting owl and shuffled back to the kitchen to wait for my tea. I would not read a thing before I had my cup in my hands so I can casually sip my tea between the turning of pages thus prolonging the experience.

There was also a letter but I discarded it immediately. I didn't know when they would finally manage to let me go completely but I doubted it would be soon enough. I had quit for good reason and they would not bully me back to teaching no matter what.

My morning ritual lasted precisely one hour and twelve minutes, a full half hour longer than it usually did, but there were still nine hours left until the 'event'. In my attempt to push it out of my mind I have managed to near-obsessively grab on to it, dooming myself to thoughts of nothing but speculation and dread.

The cellar was my refuge, my own little laboratory set up and maintained just how I prefer it. I would kill time there until there was none left to kill. I did not habitually take breakfast and I would not make an exception, my stomach would inform me of its alertness in its own time.

Nothing truly noteworthy happened beyond a few additions to my list of 'Properties of Anemdum Grass, Versatility Explorations' and of course, the invention of more than a few excuses. In the end, I knew I would not use them and that frustrated me up to the point I virtually ruined a potion.

I discarded the protective gear and settled in to a chair in my living room, pouring a glass of scotch in to my protesting stomach. It gave me a painful reminder of my age and the fact that it was quite empty still. In my frustration I had neglected to eat and I would surely suffer for it the next day. Reluctantly I forced myself back up the stairs and in to the shower where I spent at least thirty minutes cleaning myself from head to toe and back to head again. I would be damned if I suffered humiliation on top of discomfort.

My attire would be simple, I had decided, if only as a form of rebellion. As I do not deviate from my usual style no one would be too surprised. It was easy enough to dress, I only had two robes to which no repairs had been made and one of them was purple. It had been a jest, in poor taste if I may add.

Once I was finished it was time to leave and enter a different world. I did not hesitate for hesitation would have been my downfall. I opted to floo to the manor, apparition was possible to a certain extent and I was not in the mood to walk through half a mile of garden for the sake of making an entrance. Years of experience ensured I would not make too much of a fool of myself stepping out of the fireplace and even if it did not, there were worse things. I took a handful of powder and stepped in to the fireplace with my eyes closed.

"Malfoy Manor."

I clutched my stomach and gave myself a moment to settle down before stepping in to the entrance hall where I nearly trod on the house elf. The creature ignored the incident and bowed deeply with its pointy ears nearly touching the ground.

"Master is expecting you, sir. Please be following Sinnly."

It led me to the main dining room and it was about to announce me when I put a stop to that nonsense by swatting the creature on the head.

"I'd rather you didn't. Thank you and now off with you," I sneered.

I took a good look at the room and all the people already seated around the gargantuan table and immediately wished I had used at least one of my inane excuses. Avery, Rookwood, Macnair. Dolohov, Lestrange. Each and every one that was left. I hissed and made an abrupt turn, back towards the exit. Excuses and appearances be damned, I was not about to join Lucius' whimsical theatrics again. I drew the line at a weekly repetition, two in a row was far too much to expect.

A faint murmur of conversation could be heard behind me but all I had ears for were the rushed footsteps which could only belong to one person. I did not turn around but continued my march to the entrance hall with a dozen insults and reproaches floating through my mind just waiting to be flung at the host of this parody.

You gripped my shoulder firmly and spun me around to face you but instead of the rage I had expected there was only amusement. Oh, you thought you were so witty, so inventive. It was a shame I had lost my sense of humour along with my sunny disposition.

"Come now, Severus, it's not all that bad, is it?"

"You have the nerve to ask me?"

"I have the nerve for a great many things, as you well know."

I did know. You had done things no insane Gryffindors would manage simply because it would not even enter their minds. You took pride in your ambiguity, which I understood. It was a sad thing that you felt the need to turn it against me.

"I would appreciate it if you allowed me to take my leave. I am not feeling well," I said levelly, keeping my eyes locked on yours.

"As a gracious host, I should allow it. As myself, I do not."

--

It was not just unexpected, it was flabbergasting. Admission of a facade was very rare in itself, admission from a Malfoy was near impossible. And yet, there you were, telling me the difference between should and want for you. I stood there, watching your open face, a thing so uncommon it took my capacity for rational thought away.

"You should go back, your guests are waiting," I whispered.

You looked affronted, perhaps even hurt. You were offering your very being and I was handing it back to you. You did not understand that it was a gift I could not possibly accept. I made a move towards the fireplace but you were faster, your entire body pressed up to mine with your arms around my chest in an iron grip.

"You misunderstand me. I think not."

The moment was gone, you were back in full Malfoy regalia and my brain managed to pull itself together to a degree. I attempted to push you away from me but you had planted your feet and weren't to be dislodged. Getting angrier I changed my tactics and punched you in the jaw, successfully knocking you back. You stood up regally, rubbing your jaw with a smirk on your face.

"Are you feeling better now?"

"I am," I answered truthfully.

"Shall we go back then? I've arranged for a fairly pleasant meal, and I've even acquired a few bottles of Rioja."

"I've never liked red wines Lucius, you know that. And even if I did it would do little to persuade me to join you in this. Are you mad, Lucius? This is one of the most potentially dangerous things you have concocted in that mind of yours to date," I told you, my voice steadily dropping in volume. I really thought that you were slowly losing your wits and wanted no part of it.

"It is nothing of the sort. A simple gathering of old acquaintances, nothing more than that Severus. Are you quite sure then, that you will not come to the dining room?"

"Positive. As I said, I wish no part in this."

You sighed dramatically and shook off your heavy robe. "Very well then, we shall trade in the splendour of my manor for the dust of your cottage," you said and took a handful of powder from the bowl on the mantelpiece. You turned to look at me and raised your eyebrow. "Coming, Severus? Spinner's End!" And you were gone.

Just like that, you expected me to follow you. I was torn between spending the night at Malfoy manor in one of the guest bedrooms uninvited and returning to my house so I could kick you out of it. I stomped to the fireplace and flung the powder down, muttering 'Spinner's End'. This time I did stumble but you were still standing there and caught me.

"Everything still there? Yes? Very well, let us talk."

"There is not much to say beyond 'get out of my house'," I growled. "You dragged me to your bloody manor only to humiliate me and appease your insane sense of humour. You have played long enough Lucius, I am taking away your toys."

"Oh Severus, that is not the case at all."

"The hell it is not! Why did you feel the need to be so nebulous while inviting me? Why was I first insulted and then confused if not to unbalance me for your benefit? Were you so unsure of your ability, Lucius, because if you say you were I will know that you are a liar on top of everything as well," I said hotly.

I was irritated and on top of that I was also starving, not having eaten a thing all day. I really should have held back my tantrum until after you had fed me. You were probably quite aware of my discomfort and were considering how it could benefit you as we spoke. I mentally warned my treacherous stomach to be patient or it would surely suffer.

You cleared your throat and took a seat in the same chair you had occupied the day before.

"As a Malfoy, I have many things. Despite his dubious intelligence, I have a satisfactory heir. I have name and wealth, influence and respect. I have surrounded myself with people who are of use to me. I have a wife to organise events to bring said people together and look after things that are of no interest to me. As you can see, I have more than most."

"You have chosen the wrong person to boast to. I am not the least bit interested," I interjected.

"And that brings me to the point I was looking to make, thank you. I own these things, every one of them. They are mine to do with as I see fit and do not give me invented excuses no matter how badly they wished they were elsewhere when I ask them to attend one of my gatherings."

I did try to make sense of your babble but it was all gibberish to me. Somewhere during your speech I had started walking up and down the length of the room, a most irritating thing, but I had not noticed. You had a glass of my scotch in your hand, I had not noticed that either. I was truly getting tired of the detachment from consciousness you caused in me.

"You truly are out of your mind. I am not for sale Lucius, you should have learned that by now," I said simply so I would have something to say. I did not understand your implication but I was not about to let you know.

"Severus are both your linguistic and interpersonal intelligence that underdeveloped? You honestly do not catch my meaning, do you?"

My stomach answered for me and I cursed quietly. You chuckled and rose from the chair gracefully.

"You really should have stayed at the manor my friend. I would have fed you, that is what friends are for after all. Shall we find something in your no doubt barren cupboards then? I will not stand for having only half your attention tonight," you said amicably and led the way to the kitchen.

I was surprised you even remembered its location, let alone had suggested we pause for a snack. I followed you grumpily, feeling much like a dog on a leash. This side of you was truly annoying me in the worst way and I did not know what to do about it. There was not much else for it but going along until it had played out.

You were rummaging around, making yourself at home in my cupboards which were not nearly as empty as you had suggested. In no time at all there was a modest meal on the table and I watched you, gobsmacked by this oddity. I was expecting the house to collapse on me any second followed by a sudden awakening to the realisation it was all a very strange dream.

No such thing happened of course, you ushered me to a chair and served me my dinner while all I could do was watch on with my mouth hanging slightly open.

"Please Severus, you are making this more difficult than it already is," you complained.

"And what, pray tell, is 'this'?"

You took a deep breath and took a seat opposite of me without your usual huffing and looks of contempt. In all honesty I had to admit you seemed somewhat haggard and dare I say, nervous.

"Please eat first. We will talk after and I will attempt to make sense to you. This is not easy for me my friend, I have not been in this position before."

"What of your guests?"

"You are trying to dispose of me, aren't you," you said accusingly. "They can take care of themselves, and I left Narcissa there, did I not? She is capable enough."

"Fair enough," I said and started on my meal. It was not half bad and I wondered why.

You remained silent for the most part and ate your concoction, pausing from time to time to give me enigmatic looks. It strongly reminded me of a specimen study and I wished you would mind your own business. With my stomach somewhat appeased I set down my utensils and returned the favour by studying you just as intensely. Unfortunately, you were unaffected.

"I had never thought you to be so magnanimous," I said in an attempt to shift the mood. You would no doubt find a witty reply and things would return to their right state. This was something that I had been sure of which I really should not have been.

"No, I suppose not. It does not surprise me, I have never given you any reason to."

You were so heartbreakingly beautiful at that moment, your features were open and more importantly, mine. There was so much in that look that I could not begin to decipher it but it was for me, of that there was no doubt. That thought was in need of crushing, I decided, and proceeded to do so. Yet, I could not look away which made my self-imposed task nigh impossible.

"Do you remember your seventh year, Severus?"

"Better than I'd like," I growled.

You smiled bitterly, you knew exactly what I meant and also knew on whose shoulders most of the blame fell.

"You were so different from everyone else, it was startling. I was more than a little impressed, I admit."

"I hadn't known."

"No, you would not have. No one could possibly accuse me of honestly displaying my emotions. I was quite the expert on reading others though," you said and gave me a very intense look.

My breath hitched in my throat and I took a big gulp of the water you had poured earlier. It was too much to hope for that the insinuation would possibly refer to what I had in mind. I knew myself well and even in my younger years I had not been that easy to read. Then again, perhaps I was underestimating you which is a highly dangerous approach.

"I knew, Severus."

"Why…"

"Why I did nothing? Or perhaps, why now of all times?"

"Both," I mumbled, too stunned to properly formulate words or sentences or even thoughts for that matter.

"I was young and just married, I knew it would be pointless and however much I wished to, I could not do that to you. My Lord owned me most fully and I was your senior and superior, it would do little for my status if I'd taken you. Later on you were my Lord's favourite weapon and the balance had shifted in a way I could not predict and therefore not asses. Perhaps a shorter answer to this all would be simply admitting I was afraid, but as a Malfoy, I cannot."

"And as Lucius?"

"Terrified, of you and for you. And as for the second, why not now? There is nothing left to restrain me."

"You have the most awful timing Lucius, I cannot even begin to tell you how awful."

"I will leave if I absolutely must but know that my departure would not be an admittance of defeat. We could call it a temporary lull in the battle if you wish."

I nodded my understanding and stood up. I needed a drink and I wanted it instantly. It had not even occurred to me to use magic so I swept out of the kitchen and in to the living room where I poured myself a large glass of scotch. After a moment's deliberation I poured a second glass and returned to the kitchen where you still sat. It seemed you had decided to choose that particular room as 'neutral ground', or as close as it could be in this house.

I handed you your glass and returned to my seat where I took a minute to collect my thoughts.

"You are aware I am far too old- ,"

"I am not jesting,"

"When did you become so rude," I snapped at him. "Honestly, those brats at Hogwarts had better manners than you have been displaying. Let me finish."

"Alright."

"If you are quite done," I growled and you held up your hands in a gesture of surrender. "Thank you. Now, as I was saying, I am too old to simply jump in to this head-first. I do not know what you are accustomed to," I said, which was a blatant lie, "but I cannot let myself take this lightly. You say you knew, or even know, but do you really? I cannot help but wonder."

You said nothing but looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue. I was slightly disappointed with you for that, you were laying everything at my feet and expected me to simply pick it up. I had thought you knew better.

"Not tonight Lucius," I said finally.

There was not a trace of anger when you responded, only understanding.

"Then I will see you tomorrow night. And Severus? Stay for dinner this time," you said and left my kitchen and my house. It only occurred to me hours later that you expected me back at the manor and had not given me a chance to protest. That brought a sort of smile to my face, you had not changed at all, I just had not known all there is to know.

And I would give much thought to the possibility of finding out.

I woke to a strong smell of flowers of all things and when I cracked open an eye I did not even waste the effort of fighting a groan. My entire bedchamber was overrun with flowers of all colours and vines covered the walls and climbed my bedposts. Pushed a curtain of them aside and got out of bed, stepping in to my slippers without even looking. I made my way to the door, tripping over vines numerous times and muttering curses under my breath. When I reached the stairs, I hesitated. I took one of the slippers off my feet and chucked it down the stairs, turning my eyes skyward in a silent admonition to whichever deity was watching when the soft powder started emanating from the walls. I cast a medium whirlwind charm and walked down the stairs powder-free.

Upon reaching my kitchen I had already side-stepped several triggers for who knows what and it was with no little amount of trepidation that I pushed the door open. The kitchen seemed normal so I entered. I was nearly startled out of my wits when breakfast appeared on the table, along with a note. I ignored it as it was not part of my morning routine and put the kettle on. I retrieved my paper and sat down. Not even three minutes had passed when the note began to whine most irksomely and I picked it up noting that it silenced immediately upon contact with my fingers.

'Dearest Severus,

Do not assume I will forget how well you manage to take care of yourself.

-Lucius'

I am a grumpy old man and I am intimately familiar with the tone the note was meant to convey. I had to admit it succeeded fully and started nibbling on a piece of pastry. My stomach was easily satisfied in the mornings and half of what sat before me would remain untouched. I left the newspaper and the empty cup of tea behind me on my way to my bedroom, determined not to return there any time soon.

I would have my revenge on you, Lucius Malfoy, that much was certain. Your absolute mockery of a courting ritual was not in the least bit amusing. So you could provide for me, and take care of me and perhaps even lavish affection upon me. I had never doubted that. I knew perfectly well what you were capable of.

I didn't know what to do and of course it wasn't easy, whatever choice you make someone comes along to make it a horrible mistake. It was that way over thirty years ago and I was not about to delude myself that things had managed to change so much. Not only was I more experienced this time around, I was also old. I was not about to delude myself about that either.

I have never been kind towards myself, looking in to the full-length mirror, it didn't seem it was to change. The hair which had once been black was brittle and shot through with grey, thin limbs had only become more so and hollow cheeks highlighted my best feature most perfectly. No, I was not blind to my own nose for Merlin's sake, how would I ever have managed to shave otherwise?

The words you had uttered were still hard to ignore. You had known, you had not been blind to my youthful infatuation and you were probably not blind to the mature emotions it had left behind in me. Never do anything not worth doing, my mother had told me. I never did.

Loving you was always worth it, I had imagined I would be able to admire you from a distance for the rest of my years and I would have been perfectly content. As long as there was no probability of anything coming from it, there was also not a chance of disaster. After the night before you had left all doors wide open.

I didn't want to contemplate the worst scenarios but my mind gave me no peace until I did. They were highly unpleasant and offended even my indelicate sensibilities. I had nearly made up my mind to refuse partaking in this farce until I found the strands of red hair tied with black ribbon. I knew you had not scalped a Weasley in some time and I could only come up with one solution. It rendered me motionless.

It was customary to offer perhaps one single blood-soaked hair in an unbreakable container, and even that was considered too large a show of trust and acceptance in a courting ritual. To simply hand over an entire lock tied in the blackest silk, which signified absolute deference, was insanity. Even had I not been a Potions Master the things I could have done to you with that much would make the bravest Gryffindor cringe.

I gathered the hairs and stormed off to the fireplace, holding the lock carefully while I took a handful of powder and roared 'Malfoy Manor'. I was too furious with you to bother stumbling and I continued my stride, straight to your office where I was sure I would find you.

I took no note of my surroundings, there was only one goal clear in my mind and that was stuffing your insufferable generosity so far up your nose it would come out of your ears. You can imagine my disappointment when I found the office empty. However, I was not going to let such a small thing obstruct me and I made my way up the stairs to the east wing where I knew you had your chambers. I didn't bother knocking but simply tore the door off its hinges and let it crash in to the wall behind me as I went about my business.

I walked in to the sitting area of your rooms at the same time as you did, only from the opposite side. My only thought was the shamefully inane 'oh, bollocks'.

As a Malfoy you did not believe in many things and apparently, towels were one of those things. You did not smile at me but your hand immediately went to the part of the butterfly and flower tattoo on you shoulder. It's most peculiar how that was the thing you wished to shield when another would have yelped and blushed a deep crimson while cupping his crotch.

I understood though, my response would have not been much different.

"To make up for that ugly Mark of his," you had said. After the drawn-out argument I had indulged in the design, drawing on your beauty and imaginary tenderness, gracing you with soft colours and symbols of free spirits and nymphs. You had done much the same for me only you saw complicated patterns and the mystique of rare herbs in me. I realised my hand had strayed to my side in a similar attempt as you had made even though I was fully clothed.

My anger was blown away for the moment, it was replaced with shame for both my fear and my desire. I did not move or speak as you approached me, preferring to retreat behind the walls we had erected. It did not last me very long, you breached my personal space and yanked me closer until we were close enough to feel each other breathe.

Grey. I had not seen it before but with your face only inches from mine my eyes wandered so I would not be forced to interpret your look. The lock you had sent, you had cut it from the front and it had grown back grey. It was hardly noticeable but there could be no mistake.

When I finally did face your gaze I knew at once you had mistaken my intent. Not that I could blame you, my protests had died on my lips the moment I had spotted you.

"We are doing this, and we are doing it properly. You will not run from me," you said in a tone of voice that brooked no argument. Far be it from me to provide you with one.

You did not start to disrobe me immediately, that was not the way of a Malfoy, but led me to the bedchamber instead. Gently you guided me to the edge of the bed and applied pressure to my shoulder, signalling I should sit down. I did so and you smiled. Still you did not make a move to disrobe me but fetched a glass of white wine and handed it to me. I accepted gratefully and drank it down. I was unreasonably anxious but the last few days had been beyond reason so I did not hold it against myself.

I knew from stories only what sort of lover the senior Malfoy was but there was no sign of the intimidating god-like apparition, there was only Lucius. You were bare but not superior about your body, experienced but not condescending, and still I could see the animal in you.

Your eyes did not leave me for a single moment, your lower lip was slightly thrust out and the way you stood showed no sign of modesty. Lucius was as much in control without the Malfoy regalia as he was with it which I might have guessed had I dared to imagine it.

You did not remain standing nor did you sink to your knees in front of me, you simply joined me on the bed and with careful but deliberate movements relieved me of my robes. You were methodical but showed appreciation for every bit of skin you uncovered and still it was not enough to put me at ease.

I can picture myself vividly, giving every sign of an animal ready to bolt at any given moment, but you were not in the least bit intimidated. Brushing my hair aside, you placed a soft kiss on my shoulder.

I am sure you felt me tense because you started rubbing my lower back in circles until I gave in to the touch.

My lips parted of their own volition when I felt you shift on the bed. I had at some point closed my eyes, thinking it for the best, but I needed to see you if you were planning what I suspected. I would not miss out on this no matter what the consequences.

You didn't press your lips against mine immediately, for a few heartbeats you simply hovered there sharing the warmth of your lips but not the feel of them which I desired more than anything else in the world at that moment. I took a deep breath and closed the minimal distance between us myself, not stopping to think what I would do once I had managed to feel you.

It was a good thing you had not, you had your invitation so you set about abusing it as is a Malfoy's prerogative. I was swiftly being educated in the various sensations caused by a pair of skilled lips, I learned the taste I would forever associate with you although I could not name it and most importantly I learned that age had very little to do with us.

My body would not deny you and it generously took me along with it. You had moved closer and had an arm wrapped loosely around my waist. You had had the foresight to secure your hold before you began kissing me in earnest, dismissing all my previous evaluations as so much childish ignorance. I had wondered when you would grow tired of benevolence and simply take what you wanted. I had invited you after all.

I had not counted on the sudden shift, the gentleness had been a brief, warning summer wind before the actual storm. You pressed me down on the bed without much trouble and let your hands trace my sides. To my surprise I found myself leaning in to the touch. That act received your approval and you let your hands wander tracing one finger lightly over my pelvic bone.

I knew you very much wanted to touch me, you had restrained yourself for years, or so you claimed. To be honest, I was astonished you had managed to restrain yourself for as long as you had so I was not surprised when your hand found what you sought and squeezed. You did not take your eyes off me, gauging my reaction.

As if there could have ever been any doubt the reaction would be anything other than positive. You knew as well as I that you did this very well and I did not just mean your manual exercise.

Your repositioning of me is as much a caress as it is a tactical manoeuvre, I found myself unable to protest it. When you settled between my legs there was little doubt to your intentions and I freely gave myself over. When I looked at you, at that unbound hair and that smooth skin, I knew I had conveyed my assent. You did not use a spell on me but rather yourself, sparing me at least that and adding another layer of intimacy to the act. I hissed but my body did not object to the intrusion.

When you started to move your fingers my eyelids fluttered and I struggled to keep my composure. A whispered 'shhh' took care of that and undid me completely. By the time you had traded your fingers in for what you truly desired I was a creature, no longer rational and therefore not responsible. This was why I could justify my legs wrapping around you and forcefully pulling you closer, startling you out of balance and sending you falling down to me. You stopped yourself from collapsing on top of me with your arms and I rose to meet you.

The position was not particularly inventive or comfortable but it could provide the most closeness and was therefore perfect. I held on to you as you established a pace, two heartbeats thundering in my ears undistinguishable from each other.

I could sprout nonsense and mention we were as one in that perfect moment when climax came, but I am not the sort of person to trivialise such things. We were in fact as different as we had ever been which was what made it so personal. I had never wanted you because of our similarities. They were numerous but the individual traits were what set us apart and drew us together.

I would have no other and I would be no other in that moment no one could ever take away.