I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Edward Elric fingered the tiny devices curiously as he stood in the doorway of Winry's hotel room. He looked up at the engineer responsible for the gadgets. "Winry? What are these?" He poked lightly at the jellybean-like thingamajigs.

"They're like telephones, but at a convenient size and shape. All you need is to fit them into your ear, gave the other pair to whoever you want to communicate with, and speak. It's something I developed for you so that your missions would be less troublesome." Winry's eyes twinkled like a mad scientist. "You know what the best part is? No one will even know you have the ear piece on unless you tell them. So you can commune secretly."

"Winry…" Ed stared wide-eyed at his automail engineer. He had picked Winry up from the train station, and the first thing he got was these…thingies. "I thought you just wanted to visit the Hughes. Why did you build state-of-the-art devices, too?"

"So you can use them. Now go have fun." Winry shoved Ed out of her room.

--

Ed wondered around in a daze, not sure what to do. He subconsciously reached Headquarters and went up to Roy Mustang's office. Opening the door, he peered in. "Hey Colonel, you here?" His nose wrinkled up in distaste as the smell of alcohol registered. "You've been drinking?"

Roy looked up from his desk. The room was empty; everyone else had gone off to lunch break. "No, Fullmetal. Havoc spilled his beer. Now, what do you want?"

"I was just thinking if you'll help me with an experiment?"

Mustang's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What kind of experiment?"

Edward closed the door behind him and sat on the couch. "It's very simple. Winry assembled this device thing and wanted me to test it out. I was hoping you'll help."

"Let's see it." Roy was sincerely intrigued. He knew Winry Rockbell's works were something to be curious about. He took the two oval-shaped appliances and stuffed them into each of his ears. He waited as Ed did the same.

Edward walked out the office and shut the door. "Can you hear me?"

"How interesting…" was the answer.

"Winry wasn't exaggerating when she said convenient," muttered Ed. The sound quality was splendid. And the usefulness of this device was indeed impressive.

"Fullmetal," Roy's voice came through the ear pieces. "Go as far away as you can until you can't hear me. I want to see how far we can communicate before the distance exceeds the limit."

Ed ran down the hall and down countless steps, listening for when Roy's voice would disappear. Edward didn't stop until he heard Roy grow silent. "Colonel?"

"Hold on, Ed. Hawkeye is here." Roy watched Riza enter.

She eyed him curiously. "Sir, why are you talking to yourself?" Then she sniffed the alcohol-filled air. "You're drinking at work." It wasn't a question. It wasn't even a statement. It was a threat.

"No, no." Roy shook his head furiously.

"Then why are you speaking to yourself?"

"Well, there's this thing made by Ms. Rockbell. I was just testing it." His explanation sounded false, even to himself.

Riza didn't buy the bogus excuse. "Sir, I want you to count from one to seven twice. If you reach eight on accident, you'll be accounted as drunk. Now go."

Roy was about to defend himself. Obviously, his lieutenant didn't believe him. But as Mustang dug into his ears for the gadgets as proof, he found that they were beyond his reach. "Winry needs to work on that," he muttered.

"Excuse me?" Riza blinked as Roy gestured to his ear and said, "Can you please take a look? I need you to get Winry's new invention out."

Riza peered down the dark opening and shook her head afterwards, "What are you talking about?"

As the Colonel stood there troubled, Riza said firmly, "Count to seven, Colonel, but no more than that."

With no choice but to prove himself, Roy began, "One. Two. Three. Four."

Meanwhile, Ed had heard the entire exchange between Roy and Riza. He silently thanked Winry for the incredibly powerful contraption. Then an idea struck him.

He smiled as he listened for Roy to continue, "Five. Six. Seven."

Then Ed barked, "EIGHT!!"

"Eight." Roy stopped. "Shit."

Riza frowned.

Roy quickly added, "Let me start over." Then he said to Ed, "Stop that."

Riza cocked her head to the side. "Stop what?" She truly believed something was wrong with the Colonel now. "Count again."

Roy started over, "One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six." He prepared himself as he said, "Seven."

Ed yelled, "VODKA!!"

"Vodka?" Mustang asked skeptically.

Riza frowned again. "Sir, I know you're drunk. However, I now want to know if you are taking LSD?" She took out her gun.

"What? No!"

Ed snickered. Then he shouted, "USELESS!"

"Who's useless?!" Roy barked.

Riza loaded her gun. She wasn't going to take anymore of Mustang's incoherent babbling. "Sir, you're coming with me."

Yeah… This is one of the worst Ed schemes I have ever written.