Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, and any credit for characters, places and plot events belong to their respective owners.
Title: Splinters, Fragments, Pieces
Pairing(s): Angsty!Brittana. Somewhat Bartie.
Summary: Her mother had told her that loving something meant that you had to let it go, at one point or another. Well, her mother had never told her how much it would destroy her to let go of the one thing in her life that made her feel wanted.
Spoilers: Sexy, 2x5; the Hurt Locker scene.
Splinters, Fragments, Pieces
[brittany, santana]
Brittany had heard a saying once, when she was a child, and something that had carried her through her life; her mother had told her, when her father hadn't come back for the third night in a row, and she was in tears because he missed her dance rehearsal, even though he promised. Even if she shouldn't have been surprised, because he'd missed every one before that, all she wanted was her dad. Her mother told her, "if you love something, let it go," not knowing that her words that night would shape her daughter's future, "If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."
But her parents had never told her to expect a tearful, heartfelt confession in the middle of a crowded hallway at her school. They had never warned her how much it would hurt, knowing that she had a boyfriend, that no matter how much she loved the other girl, it wouldn't be right for her to do this, to accept it. Never in her life had anything prepared Brittany Pierce for this, a feeling as painful as shooting her best friend, her soul mate down. But there was nothing she could do; she would have to deal with the guilt, shoulder it and hope that Santana would forgive her.
In her heart, she knew that Santana wasn't ready, for this, or for her.
But it didn't make it any less painful.
Piercing brown eyes met hers, broken. "Yeah, wow. Whoever thought that being fluid meant you could be so stuck?"
Biting her lip, the blonde stepped forward, arms extended, to gather the girl into a hug; it was her attempt at restoring a friendship that had been shattered in those few brief moments, moments of a rejected confession and two cracked hearts. Brittany felt her heart break irreparably—for both herself and Santana—as her best friend shoved off her attempt, her beautiful, tearful face so bitter that it hurt.
"Don't. I'm sorry—"
Santana pushed Brittany away, brown eyes cold but brimming with tears. "Get off me."
She left without looking back.
Sliding down the face of her locker, Brittany let her eyes cloud with the tears that had been building since the moment those fateful words tumbled out of Santana's lips, since the moment her heart broke into a million little pieces, finally fall freely. She could scarcely imagine what the Latina herself was feeling. Banging her head on the metal behind her, Brittany was numb to the feeling. Numb inside, without anything but sorrow to fill her.
Drawing her knees up to her chest, her sobs poured out. Shaking, shuddering and wracked with feelings that she couldn't even begin to describe, Brittany paid the curious eyes no mind, their presence forgotten as she was systematically falling apart. Screaming in her head, in her heart, told her that her mother was wrong. How could setting something free, something that was supposed to be good for her, hurt so bad?
Slamming her head back into her locker once more, her golden hair cascading around her wildly, she let out a small cry. A voice inside her, some corner in the back of her head, denied the pride that she felt over the knowledge that Santana was finally beginning to work through all those feelings that had so clogged their interactions over the past years. A part of her, small and selfish, wondering where she would be if Santana could have just kept her mouth shut a little while longer. She had never felt so selfish in her life.
Her mother had told her that loving something meant that you had to let it go, at one point or another. Well, her mother had never told her how much it would destroy her to let go of the one thing in her life that made her feel wanted. Had never told her how to deal with the possibility that Santana may never return to her, that this conversation in the crowded hallway of McKinley High might very well be the last time she'd ever speak to her best friend, her world, her everything.
Nothing could have prepared her for this, for any of this.
Sobbing, Brittany Pierce felt herself fall apart for the first time, without the arms of the girl that she loved to chase away her sorrows.
Life sucked.