Hey, you might know me from my other fic "The years no doubt have changed me…or did they". Don't worry, I haven't given up on that. This little fic is just another idea that kindled in my head. I actually got inspired from a review I got for my other fic in which my sense of time was alittle off. I fixed it of course, but a brand new idea sparked in my head. WARNING: Do not take this seriously, I'm just writing this for fun and for the sake of getting this stupid idea out of my head. Hope you enjoy

The date is January 20th 2008, modern day New York City. There is a closeup of a ferry boat coming from Liberty Island, to Manhatten. There are only two people upon it and the younger one is standing in front of it, his head held high, and with a glazed look in his eye. The other man is standing against the rail with his arms crossed and glaring at literally everything.

Anthony (singing):…From the mountains of Peru, but theres no place like London.

Todd (gives him a strange look): London? We're not in London, you moron.

Anthony: Oh…um (starts singing) Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today, I wanna be a part of it, in old New York-

Todd: Will you shut the hell up?

Anthony: Sorry, geez, party pooper.

Todd: You are young…and terrible naïve..and stupid I might add…life has been good to you.

Anthony: No it hasn't. My dad had to insist that I be a sailor, but I'm not really fond of it. I want to settle myself in one place and meet the love of my life and have tons and tons of hot steamy sex and maybe some kids too.

Todd: Let me tell you a story Anthony…obviously you're small mind has been corrupted by nonsense.

Anthony: No, that's because I fell overboard during training..but go on.

Todd: Once upon a time, there was a barber and his wife. And we were beautiful together…I mean they were beautiful. They even had a very beautiful daughter. They were so happy together, until a vile evil bastard of a man had to envy the beautiful wife. And can you guess what happened next?
Anthony: Yeah, the evil man stole the wife…I've heard this one a hundred billion times. Can you think of another story.

Todd: NO.

Anthony: Look the ferry's docking…I'm gonna go wander amiously through the avenues and streets in search of the love of my life.

Todd: Great, you do that. And Anthony, while you're at it..try crossing the roads without even looking, the taxis will be sure to stop for you.

Anthony (enthusiasticly): Okay! (jumps off the boat and runs off)

Todd (chuckles evily) : Theres a hole in the world, like a great black pit, and it's filled with people that are filled with shit, and the vermon of the world inhabit it(catches breath dramaticly) and it's so much different than London.

Random kid: Hey that's a good rap(repeats the whole thing)

Todd: Shut up.

Mr Todd wanders the streets, nearly getting hit by a couple taxis and knocked over by a crowd of people. He scowls loudly. Just then, it begins to downpour causing him to duck into the nearby coffee shop only to find a very caffinated woman pacing back and forth.

Mrs Lovett(talking really fast and hardly standing still): Oh my gosh, I didn't see you. God, you're so pale…have you been eating properly, should I get you a doctor, oh wait…would you like some coffee? Coffee is really good for you. I know for sure that it's the one thing that doesn't cause cancer. Isn't that cool? I think it is, that's why I drink as much coffee as I can

Todd: For god sakes woman….chill!

Mrs Lovett: Chill? That's a good one, I haven't chilled in like…years. Here please have some coffee. Not a lot of customers come in at this time. They believe the room upstairs is haunted. Some even have seen apparitions. We tried having Ghost Hunters come here, but there were far too busy going international…and-

Todd: Listen woman, I'll have some coffee, if you close your mouth for ten seconds..okay?

Mrs Lovett(nods and serves him coffee, then looks like she's about to burst): Look, I'm sorry, but you see ten seconds is alittle long for me. I'm Nellie Lovett by the way…people like to call me by my first name or even just Nell, you can call me whatever you like.

Todd: Yo motor mouth…can you please pass the cream?

Mrs Lovett(scowls): Except that…you know that's not very nice. (pouts)

Todd: Fine, Nellie, can you please stop talking so fast and pass the cream?
Mrs Lovett (slows down her speech): Oh, why didn't you say so. Here's the cream.

Todd (takes a sip and spits it out): Good god, could this be any stronger?

Mrs Lovett(giggles like a naughty girl): Isn't that nasty? Oh it wasn't my idea, it's all procedure. You see I'm supposed to used only one pack of coffee grounds per cantine..but I thought it needed more of a kick, so I added three more.(smiles proudly)

Todd: No wonder you can't stop talking.

Mrs Lovett: Its funny, some people consider this place to be the worse coffee shop in all of New York.

Todd (sarcasticly): Gee I wonder why. So, why is that room haunted?

Mrs Lovett: Well there are several stories about what goes on up there. (lowers voice alittle) Some say, there were witches that used to worship the devil who did rituals up there. (lowers voice even more) Others say, the man who used to live up there killed himself and his children. (lowers voice to a whispher) Others say that the man up there…. (voice now barely audible) went crazy and…(takes a long dramatic pause then shouts) MADE PEOPLE INTO PIES!

Todd (jumps about a foot in the air causing Mrs Lovett to laugh hysterically): Not funny.

Mrs Lovett: Aww come on, I'm just busting on ya. Lighten up. Wanna hear a story about what really happened up there?

Todd: Will this involve shouting like a mad woman?

Mrs Lovett: If you want it to.

Todd (yells): NO!

Mrs Lovett: Do you have tarrets syndrome? Any ways, up there before this was a coffee shop, a man used to live there. His name was Benjamin Barker. The cutest man I have ever seen, if I do say so myself. God I used to try so hard to get his attention, but nonetheless, we were JUST FRIENDS. He had to go and marry the bitchest, trashiest, sleaziest, woman there was and of course he had a baby with her, because I think that was all she wanted out of him.

Todd(getting angry): Now wait a minite, I've heard this one and the woman was not sleazy or bitchy or any of the other things you said about her. And she did not marry the guy just to have babies. If you're going to tell a story I already know, at least get the facts right.

Mrs Lovett: What-EVER. So this mob boss dude called Turr-Pin also liked her. Though I can't imagine why and made sure that Benjamin could never return to her. So he locked him in a trunk and sent him to Liberty Island in which I think he died. Poor thing, I would have treated him so much better than that-

Todd: Don't even try or I'll spill this coffee all over you're pretty pink shirt.

Mrs Lovett(rolls her eyes): I don't see why you keep defending her. She did after all go along with Turr-Pin and he HAD her as a trophy wife. Rumor has it, he dumped her for a richer, prettier girl.

Todd: What about the baby they had?

Mrs Lovett: Turr-Pin kept her as ransom for Benjamin in case he ever came back.

Todd: So what do these rumors say about the woman?
Mrs Lovett: That she became a drunk and died of alcohol poisoning.

Todd (sarcasticly): Oh that's just wonderful.

Mrs Lovett: So did I tell the story right?

Todd: No, you were supposed to say that my wife and kid is living together happily.

Mrs Lovett (lightens up): Benjamin Barker…(jumps up and embraces him tightly) It's you!.It's you! It's you! You came back to me! I knew it!

Todd: LET GO OF ME! (Mrs Lovett jumps back and looks at him worried) God don't you have an off button?

Mrs Lovett: Sorry, I just got excited okay?

Todd: Fine, fine,

Mrs Lovett: You better apologise or I won't give you the surprise.

Todd: What surprise?
Mrs Lovett(teasing): A very special surprise.

Todd: Okay fine, I'm sorry Nellie..(practically gags on his words) I'm…glad…to see you…too

Mrs Lovett: Okay good, so let me close up this joint and I'll take you to the surprise. (flips over a closed sign then smiles sweety) Ready?

Todd: That's all you had to do?
Mrs Lovett: Uh huh, come on we're taking my car.

Mrs Lovett (Nellie, she prefers to be called Nellie) leads Todd out to her pink camero and jumps inside. Todd looks around at the fuzzy dice and sparkily steering wheel cover and nearly throws up. It was far too much cute for one sitting. As she starts the car, the radio blars the song "Bye Bye Bye"causing Todd to scows loudly and Nellie to change it. After twenty minites of traffic jams, taxis continously honking their horns, crowds of people not looking where they were going, and Nellies singing "Soulja Boi" absurdly loud, Todd was about to jump out of the car into the nearby sewer. But the car stopped just in time, in front of an apartment complex.

Todd: Bout fricken time.

Nellie: Watch you're language, Mr Barker.

Todd: For the hundreth time Nellie, my name is Sweeney Todd now. SWEE-NEE-TODD.

Nellie: Sor-rey…not my f fault that you changed your name.

Todd: Ooh now look whose swearing.

Nellie (glares at him): So much for me helping you. You can find your razors all on your own.

Todd: My what?

Nellie: I'm not helping you out anymore (walking to her car)'

Todd: No, wait…Nellie..Nellie..please…babe…I'm sorry…sweetie….goddess…princess..Nellie please don't be mad at me…please give me the surprise (falls to his knees in despair)

Nellie: Fine…but you really need an attitude ajustment.(leads him inside an abandoned apartment room and tears apart the floorboards and pulls out a box) Here you are.

Todd(opens it): MY FRIENDS!! MY LOVE OF MY LIFE!! (strokes each of them tenderly, the "Romeo and Juliet theme is being played)

Nellie: Mr. Todd (record scratch) Sorry to interupt your questionable relationship with your razors, but can you kindly stop, people are starting to stare.

Todd: There are no people.

Nellie (guesters towards the large open window where a crowd of people are pointing and laughing) :Uh yeah there are.

Todd (Shuts the curtains): You, get out of here. Leave me in peace with my friends.

Nellie: Suit yourself.(leaves the room)

Todd(to his razors): There there, I hope she didn't scare you too much. Whats that? Yes yes glad to see you too. (stands up) At last my arm is complete again! MWWWHAHAHAHA!! (laughs evily for a ½ hour straight)

Well, that's a long enough chapter to get you started with. Like I said don't take this too seriously, it was just a fun idea I had to get out of my head. Hope you enjoyed and stay tuned for chapter two!