Twilight saga, Harry potter, wicca/ sweep series and lord of the rings crossover and we appear somewhere in the later chapters. Unfortunatly we do not own any of the characters in the previously mentioned books, only the ones with weird names that we made up. R & R.

- sorry if it gets confusing.

- this is a piss take.

CHAP 1 Renesmes pov.

Shit. I stared at the pregnancy test and wondered how it was possible. Great, now i have to tell Jacob.

"RENESMEE!!!!!" called Dad sounding just a little bit angry. Shit. I made my way downstairs to the living room and entered world war 3. Dad was sat in a chair and if steam could come out of his ears I'm pretty sure it would have done then. Mum was sitting across from him.

"What?" i tried to reply casually.

"Would you care to explain what is going on?" he asked quite politely. I just stared at him and tried to look innocent.

"I don't know what you mean. . ." i smiled sweetly at him. I turned to mum as she asked what i was doing upstairs. I knew i had to tell them sooner or later and now that dad knew it seemed a good time to tell them i was pregnant.

"Mum, Dad . . . well you already know but . . . " i might as well just come out with it, "i'm pregnant."

Dad hit the roof, quite literally. Mum looked like she would cry if she could, but i'm not sure if it was from happiness or sadness.

Enter war zone.

"Oh, honey what have you done. . ." mum trailed off. I knew dad was a generally calm person but the amount of anger he had went off the scale, especially when me and Jacob came into the equation.

"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE!! YOU WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON JACOB!! I BLAME HIM ENTIRELY" he shouted, pacing around the living room.

"DON'T YOU DARE BLAME JAKE, ITS NOT JUST HIS FAULT!!" i screamed back.

"BUT YOUR ONLY THREE BLOODY YEARS OLD!!" he retorted.

"BUT YOU KNOW I HAVE THE BODY OF A 16 YEAR OLD!!" I shouted as Jake walked into the room whistling.

"Hey guys, what's up. . ." Jake asked innocently and completely oblivious. Suddenly there was a blur of colour and mum was across the room restraining dad about a foot away from Jacob. I ran over and stood protectively in front of him.

"YOU!" dad snarled at Jake, trying to get out of mums grip. Jake just stood there stuttering, not knowing what was going on.

"YOU GOT MY THREE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER PREGNANT, YOU MONSTER!!" shit. I didn't know how he was going to react . . .

"What? You're pregnant! That's great!!" he picked me up and twirled me around.

"You think it's a good idea?" i asked him. He put me down and kissed me.

"Of course it's a good idea. Maybe it would have been better if we'd waited a bit, but its too late now. I guess normal condoms aren't strong enough! You alright there Ed?"

I swear i have never seen dad look so angry and Jake talking about this in front of him wasn't helping. He also didn't like being called Ed, especially by Jake.

"Hey dad you know this isn't that big a deal. I know how much granny and aunt Rosalie liked looking after me when i was a baby and now they get to look after another baby. It'll be fine" i said.

"Fine! How is this going to be fine? You cant just dump the baby on all of us, its Your responsibility now!" dad looked like he had calmed down a bit but still looked quite mad.

"When we had you it was under different circumstances, we were married to start off with." Mum said. I turned to look at Jake and he said

"Lets get married then! Nessie will you marry me?" i stared at him completely shocked before screaming yes! Dad looked like for once words failed him and fled the room, muttering under his breath. I looked at mum,

"Are you sure you ready for this? Marriage and a baby is a big commitment." Mum asked me.

"Well the baby is nothing we can change now and marriage was your idea." I replied

"Plus i love her very much" Jake added. Then i heard Dad call for Jake and he hurriedly left the room.