Do you remember the first time we met? Could you tell I was surprised you were as handsome as you are? I hoped not. I don't think I've ever tried so hard to hide my feelings. I think back and remember you; your broad shoulders, your condescending tone, your sarcasm that came hand-in-hand with your ineffable sensitivity. I knew as soon as you asked me. I was in the right place. Do you think badly of me if I cherish that day like I cherish our love?
Do you remember when you saved me in Antarctica? Could you tell I was bursting because it was you who rescued me? I hoped not. I don't think I've ever needed someone so much. I think back and remember you; concern carved in your face, outlined by fear, selflessness visible in the way you surrendered your coat to me, the strength in your arms as you lifted me to safety. I knew as soon as you saved me. You were my best friend. Do you think badly of me if I cherish that day like I cherish our love?
Do you remember the first time you told me you loved me? Could you tell I was inappropriately hopeful when you said it? I hoped not. I don't think I've ever wished so hard for something to be true. I think back and remember you; clad in the hospital gown, but still looking impossibly handsome, delusional, but I hoped coherent enough to mean what you were saying. I knew as soon as you mumbled it. I loved you. Do you think badly of me if I cherish that day like I cherish our love?
Do you remember the first time we gave everything we had to each other? Could you tell that my nerves were forcing me to shake? I hoped not. I don't think I've ever wanted something to be perfect so much. I think back and remember you; uncertain as new lovers often are, but assured by years of friendship, hesitant, gentle, and determined to make me happy. I knew as soon as you whispered into my hair when we were done. You were the one. Do you think badly of me if I cherish that day like I cherish our love?
Do you remember the day I lost you? Could you see my heart breaking, feel the pain eating away at me like the cold? I hoped not. I don't think I've ever tried so hard to be strong and keep from crying. I think back and remember the way it felt without you; empty, like I was the only one on the earth, like happiness had gone along with you, wherever you were, wherever you are. I knew as soon as Skinner told me that he lost you. I had lost you too. Do you think badly of me if I hate that day like I hate living without you?
I miss you so much. Come home, Mulder. Come back to me. I don't want to remember alone anymore. I don't know if I can. Come home. Make new memories with me.