Soulmates. I hate that word. 10,500,000 Google search results in .59 seconds, a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner. I HATE that one word, out of all the words in the entirety of all the world languages I hate the word soulmates and all of its translations. It's not as if anyone thinks of a soulmate as a friend oh no its all "Love of my life" bullshit. Let me be clear. I, Karkat Vantas, king of romance and rom-coms, hate the word soulmates, and yet that's one of my favorite subgenre of romance novels. The reason I hate that fucking word has a reason has a name too, and that name is John motherfucking Egbert.
Knock knock here comes reality, we don't have timers on our wrist counting down till we meet our fated, we don't have mismatched eyes until we lock eyes with our soulmates, we aren't color blind until we meet so the first color we see is our soulmate's eyes. No, none of that, because that is all a load of bullshit. That's the kind of stuff of novels, soulmates don't exist. Now John- of fucking course Egbert is off in the land of milk and fucking cookies or something, I swear that boy must be on drugs. Egbert and I dated, that was nice, but shit went sour and it wasn't either of our faults, life happens and we needed a break. I had to be the asshole to break it off a month before our one year, yeah what a real dick, but Egbert couldn't seem to see the bullshit, too caught up in"I love you forever." I didn't really want to do it either, but fuck a life together is hard to think about when life apart is too fucked up at the time. Egbert got kicked out of his house, refused the only help I could give which was to look up the legality of the way it was done, and John laughed like there was some fucking joke I missed. Fucking asshole lives over 700 miles away and I still live with my parents, well Kankri anyway.
Shit wasn't working very well anyway, well I was working, seemingly none stop it seemed, kind of happens when you have a job though. Yeah me working cut the time we could talk short, but that job kept me having a place to live. Egbert…I don't even know if John was even really trying to find a job. That's the hard part about distance, you can't tell how much is true and what's bullshit, and you want to give them the benefit of the doubt because you don't know but the first time something turns up it makes you question everything. So when I get a text saying not to worry but that John got kicked out and has nowhere to go, my reaction is to worry because I care, but when you blow off the only help I can give with a "don't worry about it I'll be okay, I'm not going to fight this" I can't. I waited a few hours, thought about things, about how much I don't know about John, about what I wanted for my life, about the situation at hand and I set my heart to stone because what I had to do was clear.
I had to dump John. Not because I wanted to, no I loved John the fucking jackass. However our relationship was wearing me down, I was second-guessing everything John said all the time ever since he lied to me, I was the only one working and I was 5 years' younger. If you'd asked me where I saw myself in 10 years I wouldn't have been able to answer, granted I still can't really answer that question, but now I know what I want to go to college for. I'm not spending all my time on John, I'm rekindling my friendship with Sollux and Gamzee, because I was so wrapped up in work and John that I let my friendships slip away. Fuck John though, when I finally made my decision and called John, not like I could do it face to face, I couldn't deal with crying, if John cried I was fucked. So I told John "If you love something let it go, if it's meant to be it'll come back to you" and it worked John didn't cry and accepted everything very well. I hate that phrase. Almost as much as the word soulmates. "If you love something let it go" 370,000,000 Google search results in 0.61 seconds.
So the next day, I shit you not the very next day, John tells me that he's back at home and that he isn't kicked out. I'm sorry what? You were kicked out, not even worried about it despite not having a place to go, and now you are back home like nothing happened? Tell me that doesn't sound suspicious as fuck. Like did you make up a story because you were going to a friend's and thought I'd be mad? I fucking told you I wasn't going to stop you from having friends and hanging out with them. Or was I not paying enough attention to you? Did every waking moment not spent working not equal enough attention? Let's be honest it really sounds like you lied to me John and I can't fathom why. Yes, I'm an angry short person with a vulgar vocabulary, but I did nothing, but love you wholly. Maybe that's why you're doing this shit, the "we're broken up, but I'm going to keep texting you to say I love you". John motherfucking Egbert. Shut the fuck up. It's pretty sad when I have to stop and explain to you that you're allowed to go fall in love with someone else, that you John Egbert can go be happy with someone else. Then you did it. You threw out that fucking word John. I'd just block you but damn it and your stupid squishy face you'd probably find a way around it. You called us soulmates. You called us soulmates then told me if you fall in love with someone else they can settle for friendship. I don't want to think about relationships anymore, not for a while, maybe not ever. Stop fucking waiting for me. Go have a life, fuck give Dave a chance to woo you. My name is Karkat Vantas, king of romance and rom-coms and I hate the word soulmates, almost as much as John Egbert is an idiot.