AN: I really worked hard to make Tonks' emotions seem very real in this story, and I hope that gets conveyed through my writing. Although I'm a huge Remus/Sirius shipper, I like Tonks as a character as well and I thought it would be a good idea to write about Tonks' reaction to Remus and Sirius being together.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to J.K. Rowling; I don't claim any ownership of them.
It was an unusually warm autumn night in London. Yet, all the streets were empty due to the late hour; that is, all except one. Strolling down the street of Grimmauld Place was notorious mass murderer, Sirius Black. Of course, that's just what one was supposed to believe. In truth, the person now walking up the steps of an emerging #12 was Nymphadora Tonks. She was just returning from a long day of traveling to far off places (for the Order) disguised as Sirius, so as to throw off any search for him in Britain. For once she did not set off the portrait of Mrs. Black as she entered. She let out a sigh of relief; she was too tired to deal with waking up the whole house. In desperate need of a drink, Tonks headed down the hallway to the kitchen door, pausing momentarily as she caught sight of her reflection in one of the hanging mirrors. With a start, she realized she still resembled Sirius, but she was too exhausted to put her energy into morphing again. Besides, it wasn't as if anyone else would be up at this hour, she reasoned.
She walked down to the kitchen silently, but stopped abruptly as she reached the bottom of the staircase. Someone was seated at the kitchen table, his back to her. But the fact that Tonks couldn't see his face didn't matter; she would know that ragged sandy hair anywhere. It was Remus Lupin. Tonks let out a small gasp from the surprise of seeing the man she was secretly in love with, here now. The noise caught Remus' attention, and he turned around. As he took in the sight of Tonks, his eyes grew wide – emotions Tonks couldn't identify forming in them – and Tonks, caught off guard by this change in Remus, was at a loss for words. There was a brief silence as they stared at each other – Tonks in total shock as Remus usually paid her little attention, despite her infatuation with him. And then, all of a sudden, Remus stood from his chair and spoke.
"Sirius?" Remus asked urgently, concerned.
And it was that one word that explained everything.
Tonks could hear the caring, curiosity, and worry in Remus' voice, but overshadowing all of that was the unmistakable love – so clear in the simple uttering of a name. It was that obvious love that confused Tonks. But that confusion lasted for only a second as Tonks' mind flitted back to her recollections of Sirius and Remus: the lingering touches, the quiet whispers, the secret smiles.
And then it all made sense.
Remus and Sirius were in love, and Tonks was a fool for not seeing it. She inwardly cursed herself all types of stupid as the full pain of this realization hit her head-on like a ton of bricks. Months spent pining after Remus, just because she was too blind to see what was right in front of her. She glanced up to see Remus much closer than he had been before, his eyes burning with love and desire. Then, unexpectedly, Remus' lips came crashing down upon Tonks'. For a moment, Tonks just wanted to be swept away in this kiss; a kiss she had dreamt of for so long. She wanted desperately to be the one Remus gave all his love to; to stay wrapped in his warm, comforting embrace forever. But she couldn't do that, not to her friends. She pulled away, forcing her tears back. She would not cry in front of him.
"No, I can't," she said, her voice coming out in the low, smooth voice that was Sirius'.
Remus took an uncertain step back, his eyes filling with confusion, anger, and the sting of rejection.
"What?" he asked, flatly.
Too late, Tonks realized the mistake of her words. With a small sigh, Tonks knew she would have to morph tonight after all.
"No, Remus, it's just –" she began. Then, squeezing her eyes shut, she focused on her bubble-gum pink, perky self. But she wasn't in the right state of mind for that; the best she could do was a sad, mousy-brown haired woman. "I'm not Sirius," she finished quietly.
Blush started to rise, slowly, up Remus' cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Tonks. I don't know what to say," he offered, embarrassed.
"Don't say anything. It's okay," she replied. Looking up at him, she saw pleading in his eyes, an unspoken question. "I won't tell anyone about you two," she answered in a murmur.
"Thank you, Tonks," Remus said, just as quietly. There was an awkward pause. "Goodnight, I guess." He strode to the stairs, pausing in the doorway. "I really am sorry," he offered once more, his voice totally sincere.
He left without waiting for a response, and Tonks couldn't be more grateful. She had no energy left. She felt dead, alone. Dreams died so hard with this. And the worst part was knowing what it would've been like; to have been kissed, only to know it was never meant for her, and it never would be – that he was sorry for giving it to her. It was all too painful. She collapsed to the floor, finally succumbing to her tears. If only they could wash her hurt away.
Fin
AN: Review, please!