Disclaimer: If I owned Final Fantasy VII, things would have been a lot sillier.
Gold Digger
'One thing positive about that mess with Don Corneo,' Yuffie thought as she peered into the small opening. 'I never would have seen this materia otherwise!'
The hole was small, she'd have to reach blind. Hoping there were no spiders waiting to crawl on her, the ninja shoved her right arm deep inside. Grunting and cursing with the effort, her fingers scrabbled for purchase on the smooth orb.
Hanazaki Ichirou took a deep breath of the brisk mountain air and exhaled with a smile. He loved to watch the sunrise over Wutai from the heights of Da Chao mountain. A strange contentment filled his heart.
For the first time in nearly a decade, things were looking up for the royal family. By accepting and completing the challenge of the Five Gods, Princess Yuffie completed one of the rituals for ascension to the throne. True, the challenge was usually for male heirs, but for the wild child to perform anything remotely ritualistic was enough to overlook the irregularity.
Perhaps she would be more willing to perform other improvements, such as entering a marriage agreement or even acting more feminine. Ichirou swallowed a snort at the last thought.
'If nothing else, perhaps she could eliminate the foul language she appears to have picked up.' He thought mournfully. As if summoned by the thought, a faint female cursing drifted to his ears. Gripping his staff tightly, Ichirou hesitated to turn around. Only two females in Wutai swore like that, one was the princess, and the other would not leave her couch if it were on fire.
Turning, he could not fight his horrified gasp. The princess hung from ropes on the face of the mountain, her arm shoulder deep in Da Chao's left nostril. Ichirou's walking stick slipped from his numb fingers and clattered across the stone. The sudden noise caught her attention and she craned her head around to look him in the eye. While he knew it was hardly befitting a man of his age and station, he could not seem to hide his horrified disgust. Her eyes went from him to her position and she gave a little squeak of denial.
"It's not what it looks like!" She cried. "I just wanted to get this!" She yanked her arm free and presented her hand to him. Ichirou choked at the shimmering yellow object and fled down the mountain. Perhaps she was not as reformed as he had thought.
"So much for my attempts to be more respectable," Yuffie moaned, glaring at the crystal. "It hadto be a command materia, didn't it?"
AN:For anyone still confused, Don Corneo captures Yuffie and Elena and hangs them upside-down from the face of the mountain, perfect position to look up the statue's nose... thus this story. Reviews are loved and appreciated!