Gibberings: Hey it's your weekly heroes rant. -rolls eyes- Seriously, this show flips back ward and forward between awesome and horrible at blinding speeds! I'm not even...I can't even...I won't even let myself go into a rant seriously. I have a feeling this story says it all. So quick note, this story is depressing. Be warned. However this is NOT a oneshot. Chapter two is coming in a few days. Be strong Nathan fans...be strong. The writers just screwed him up...or he's possessed or something -twitches-

Major thanks to Stef (Greenleofiend) for Betaing

Also shout out to Stef's story Boys Don't Cry, which is referenced in this story. It's amazing, if you haven't read it...do!

Warning: Sensitive Material and heavy spoilers for Duels.

They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die. Peter hoped it was true. Peter flew. He flew blind. The feeling of wind brushing the tears from his eyes was no comfort. The ability to fly again was no comfort. There was no comfort for him anymore. Charles was dead, Simone was dead, Claude was gone, Caitlin was gone, Nathan…

Nathan.

The tears blurred his vision and he stopped flying. The wind roared in his ears and pelted his skin as he fell. He shut his eyes and let go.

The ground accepted him with all the pain it offered. He let it swallow him. He felt the crush of his bones, felt the blood roll down his face.

He'd died before, but that was when he had Claire's powers. He was an empty slate now, save for Nathan's power. This felt different.

"Nathan…"

Nathan calling him every day from college to chase away is nightmares.

Nathan teaching him to ride a bike. He promised he would not let Peter fall, then he let go. Peter skinned both his knees, and Nathan let him have chocolate milk with dinner for a week.

Nathan punching the person who called Peter "queer" in middle school.

Nathan cheering him at his graduation.

Nathan teasing him about being a nurse.

Nathan telling the world he was crazy.

Nathan catching him when he fell. Searching for him when he vanished. Sitting by his side when he was in a coma. Holding him when he died. Wiping away the tears when Simone died. Saving him from himself.

Nathan dying in his arms.

Every good and bad thing swayed in front of his eyes as the darkness slipped in. It was nice to see Nathan one last time. He wouldn't let his mind travel further, clung to the ghosts of the past. Clung to the brother who loved him. Clung to the death that would be his escape.

"Nathan…" he choked out.

"Peter!"

It wasn't Nathan, but the voice was familiar to his hazy mind. A face swam in front of his vision. She looked concerned. He wanted to tell her she didn't need to be.

"Peter…Peter…holy—DAD!" Someone else was there then, and another. It was getting hard to focus.

"No no no no no no…Peter no!" the girl pressed her hand against his forehead. Suddenly everything was different. Everything was warm. The darkness released him and so did the bliss it offered. He felt the bones realign themselves, felt the gashes seal. Felt his mind clear.

Claire was there. Now he couldn't die. He couldn't die.

"Peter! You have your power back…thank God…thank God!" Claire wrapped her arms around him. A scream ripped from his lungs as he sat up. She pulled away, eyes wide. "Peter what's wrong?" He couldn't look at her. Couldn't tell her why her hero tried to kill himself, couldn't tell her what her father was doing. Of all the things he had hoped, keeping her innocent had been near the top.

"He's in shock." It was Noah's voice this time. The rest of the conversation was lost on Peter as he fell back to the ground, curling in on himself.

_-_-_

Claire looked desperately to her father. "Shock? But he healed!" Noah crouched down beside them studying Peter carefully.

"I know, but that's what it is. Trust me, I've seen it often enough," Noah said. The young Petrelli was about as close to a friend as the company man would allow himself. Peter had helped Claire, saved her more than once, and that was enough for him. Carefully, Noah pulled the younger man up and started carrying him. Noah was not certain where to go; but he felt Claire beside him quiet with worry and Angela trailing behind, silent and unhelpful as always.

_-_-_

Noah stood in the doorway of Peter's old room, watching. Angela had taken them to the Petrelli mansion back in the city. Claire hadn't left Peter's side since they got there, but the man still had yet to wake.

"He tried to kill himself," Angela said, deadpan. Noah would have started if he wasn't so used to the Petrelli matron suddenly being there.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. Noah turned back to the scene. Claire was hovering, her hand stroking her uncle's bangs with a maternal air. He hated to see her in so much pain.

"Do you ever wonder if it was worth it?" he asked. Angela did not seem surprised by the question, she did not look up. Just kept staring straight ahead.

"All the time."

_-_-_

Peter woke slowly but didn't stir. He let his senses come back one at a time. The sound of soft breathing, the feel of warm breath and soft hair. He lifted his head and saw Claire had fallen asleep leaning on his arm from her spot on the chair beside his bed. He brushed a stray lock away from her face. Blue eyes instantly snapped open.

"Peter," she greeted. "Are you ok?"

"I don't know," he replied honestly. Claire looked so young, so scared.

"Will you be?"

Peter laid back against the pillow, his eyes staring at the blank ceiling.

"I don't think so."