By Mistake we Learn
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate, I make no money off of this, I respectfully play with the characters.
A N: This is for Quarantine Day over in the Doctor and the Wildman thread on GateWorld.
Jennifer stood in the middle of the hallway in shock. She could not believe what she had just said and done. She had just told Ronon she was interested in someone else.
She wasn't sure what was more shocking; that she told him that, or that she had just told the biggest lie of her life. She was surprised that he believed her as well. No one had ever really understood her as well as Ronon. Then again, if he believed her lie so easily, maybe he didn't know her as well as she thought.
Six Months Later
Jennifer was cold, hurt, bleeding, alone and unable to call for help.
The uninhabited planet had been an amazing find. There were Ancient ruins, plants that had the botanists excited and Teyla even told Jennifer about a number of plants that were known to have healing properties. Jennifer was here because it was SGA-1's turn to be on the planet. Teyla could show Jennifer the plants that would hopefully help supplement the medicines she already had.
The day was beautiful and Teyla and Jennifer had finished ahead of schedule so Jennifer decided to take a walk. She didn't know when she would be in a position to take some time for herself and not feel guilty about it.
During her walk, Jennifer thought back over everything that had happened personally in the last six months. After that day when she made the biggest mistake of her life, she started dating Rodney. He had been a nice, safe guy and one that she knew liked her, even if she did not feel the same about him. At first, things had been okay, good in face, but she was never really all that happy if she were to be honest. While on Earth, Jennifer and Rodney had gone to visit her father. Her father, always the perceptive type, asked her about how things were really going with Rodney when it had just been the two of them. He would not let it go until his daughter told him everything. So Jennifer told her father about Ronon, her lie, her fears, and her belief that she had already ruined everything she might have had with Ronon.
"The worst thing you can do for love is deny it, so when you find that special someone, don't let anyone or anything get in your way." Her father told her. "The longer you wait the harder it will be, and if this Ronon is the type of man you think he is then he is worth fighting for."
It wasn't that long after that Jennifer and Rodney had a very long conversation and broke up. Even then though Jennifer still had not talked to Ronon. Her fathers words constantly ringing in her ears. If only she could get up the nerve to tell him why she said what she did, and to beg, if need be, to have him give her a second chance.
She was thinking of ways to rectify the long silence between herself and Ronon when the ground fell out from under her.
She didn't know how long she was unconscious, but when she came to she could see the light through the hole was turning pink and orange. It had been early afternoon when she fell, so she was knew she was out for a couple hours at least.
She took stock of her situation. She had a range of injuries. Scratches, bruise, bumps, a sprained, possibly broken, wrist, and a long deep gash running down her right leg. To top things off the cavern she had fallen into seems to have been created by an underground spring, a spring that, based on the water temperature, must have been run off from the near by mountains.
She brought her shaking hand up to her ear only to find her radio missing. She called out hoping someone could hear her, but there was no way for her to know if anyone was close enough to actually hear her. She decided to stop and wait till she could hear something and then try calling out, hopefully she would not miss the opportunity.
Jennifer used her jacket as a makeshift bandage for her leg. She was loath to do it though because she could have used the warmth with the sun going down. With the cut on her leg she could hardly stand, and even if she could, she was not able to reach the top of the hole to get out. There was little else she could do for now but wait.
She wondered how long it had been before anyone realized that she had not come back. Hopefully they were already looking for her. She knew that the sooner she was found, the better. Between the blood that she was still losing, and the cold of the water she didn't have a lot of time.
She had little to do but watch what she could see of the sky through the hole. She watched the light change colors, then grow darker, and she looked at the stars. She started to wish she had some paper and pen with her. She wanted very much to be able to write a letter with some final thoughts before she died.
Jennifer concentrated on keeping quiet so that she could hear if someone approached, but even with hoping for sounds and the fear she felt about being trapped in the cold dark cavern, she was fighting to stay awake. She knew if she allowed herself to fall asleep that she could miss help, and that she would be as good as dead.
She was shivering more and more now, and it was harder to keep her eyes open. Soon she would stop shivering and then her temperature would really fall. Not that it seemed to matter anymore, with the loss of so much blood she was starting to see things. At first she thought that the ceiling was starting to droop, but now she could see what looked like flashes of light. She closed her eyes again, but this time she didn't fight to get them open again.
Jennifer was wondering what her neighbor was doing. She heard a voice yelling but was unable to make out the words. It must be some fight, or maybe they are watching something with the volume up. She really wanted things to be quiet again, she wanted to die in peace. Light again, where was it coming from, the cavern didn't have lights.
She was suddenly startled by a feeling of searing heat on her cheeks. She tried to move her head away from whatever was burning her but couldn't. When she finally got her eyes open her vision swam with the image of a very concerned Ronon hovering above her.
"Jennifer, can you hear me? I am going get you out of here."
Jennifer felt herself enveloped in warmth, and felt herself being lifted off the ground. With what strength she had left she grabbed hold of Ronon's shirt, and she was determined to never let go.
Later, she would truthfully say she didn't remember getting out of the cavern, and she didn't remember the trip back to base. She would remember hearing Ronon talking to her. He told her to hang on, to keep with him, that she would be okay, and other words of encouragement.
She felt hands on her, ripping her away, tearing her away from Ronon. She wanted to yell, to scream at them to stop. She was getting warm, she was safe, and she was going to try to fight off the hands that were trying to take her away.
The hands stopped pulling at her, and she stopped trying to fight them off. She felt hands on her again, but this time they were treating her injuries. She paid no attention to them, instead she concentrated on keeping her hold on Ronon's shirt, and the knowledge that he was still right there with her.
When Jennifer woke up, she looked around confused. She had fallen into a cold wet cavern, and was dying. Why wasn't she dead? How did she get back to Atlantis? Wait, she remembered there had been warmth, and Ronon. He saved her, he found her, and then she remembered clinging to him.
Oh God! She had struggled against help because he was holding her. What must Ronon think?
"Lass, welcome back. How are you feeling?" Dr Carson Beckett asked, walking into her room and seeing her awake.
"How long have I been out?" Jennifer asked.
"A couple days."
"Hey Doc, you gave us all a scare. It is a good thing Ronon here found you when he did." Col John Sheppard said, walking into her room with the rest of his team.
"Aye, it was very touch and go. There were some minor scratches and bruises, the sprained wrist, those things are to be expected after a fall like that. The trouble was the hypothermia and the blood loss from that gash in your leg. We used steri-strips to close it up. It will help with the scar, but you may want to use cocoa butter on it later." Carson told her.
"Yeah, I thought I was dead out there myself for a while. Thank you, Ronon." Jennifer said, with a small smile.
Ronon locked eyes with Jennifer and gave her a small smile. Then he lifted and dropped a shoulder as if to say it was no big deal.
"It is good to see you awake and well, Dr Keller." Teyla said.
"You are going to be okay, right?" Rodney asked.
"Well, I still have all my fingers, and I am sure Carson would have told me if I lost any toes. I will heal and everything will be fine." Jennifer told him, glad that nothing between them had really changed since the break up.
"Aye, and to heal you need rest."
"I think that is our not-so-subtle hint to get out." John said. "Get better soon Doc."
Jennifer was putting the finishing touches on dinner. It was her fist day out of the infirmary and she had invited Ronon over for dinner to say 'thank you for saving my life'. She wasn't much of a cook and her dinner consisted of spaghetti, with canned spaghetti sauce. It wasn't the greatest meal but she didn't want to give Ronon something from the mess hall.
When her door chime sounded, Jennifer wiped her hands on a towel, and took a deep calming breath. This was going to be hard, but there was no way she was backing out of her carefully made plan.
"You didn't need to do all of this." Ronon said, after Jennifer told him to sit and gave him his food.
"Yes, I did. You found me when I thought I was dead, and for that, nothing I do will be able to repay you for that. Also, there is another reason I asked you to come over." Jennifer replied.
The room suddenly seemed so small. She had started her planned speech and there was no going back. To try and calm her nerves, she started to pace, but her leg reminded her that it was not fully healed yet, so she sat on her bed. She closed her eyes took a deep breath, and then raised her head to look Ronon directly in the eye.
"I am not brave. I know that sounds odd since I moved to the Pegasus Galaxy where there are life sucking space vampires, but it is still true. I am saying this because you need to know why I did what I did all those months ago." Jennifer started, shaking her head when Ronon opened his mouth to say something.
"When I told you I was interested in someone else I was lying. I said it because I was scared, and I panicked. No one like you has ever given me a second look, or even showed me any real attention. Then there you were. Every woman's dream of tall, dark, silent, and good looking. So why would you even give me the time of day? How long could I hope to hold your interest? So I said what I did to try and buy myself some time. I needed time to figure things out, but then you reacted the way you did. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't suddenly call you back and say I was lying. Rodney was being so sweet and he really liked me, and he is a nice safe guy, so when he asked me out, I agreed.
"When I went to visit my dad, while we were still on Earth, we had a long conversation about how life was. He told me that the worst thing I could do was deny my feelings, and that nothing should come between me and what I want. I knew what he said was the truth, and not long after that Rodney and I had a long conversation and we broke up.
"I laid in that cavern, and while looking up at the last bit of sky I thought I might see, everything seemed so stupid. I have been lying to myself because I was afraid. I was afraid of being hurt so I shut myself behind a lie, and really, who suffered because of it? I did. I mean I went for a walk and almost never came back.
"I am not telling you this because I want anything from you, I just needed to be honest with myself, and you. I was never interested in anyone but you. I just needed to say that, because the next near death experience may actually kill me and I don't want to have any regrets." Jennifer said, finally breaking eye contact and looking down at the floor in front of her.
"Jennifer, I was hurt, but I was happy to see you happy even if it wasn't with me. If I had known all of this though, I would never have walked away from you that day. I was scared when they realized you were gone too long, and we couldn't get you on the radio. Then I found the hole, and saw you looking like that. I have lost someone I cared about, someone I loved. I am not ready to lose someone else I care about, especially if I have not had the chance to tell them." Ronon told her, getting up and walking to where Jennifer was still sitting on her bed with her head down. He reached down and pulled her up to stand in front him.
"Ronon, I…this isn't…" Jennifer started.
"Not everything needs a plan." Ronon replied, leaning down and kissing Jennifer.
So here Jennifer stood in the middle of her room kissing the one person she thought she had lost forever after the biggest mistake of her life.
A N2: Reviews are my drug of choice. Please feed my habit.