Callie couldn't believe it had been four years since Mark had died. She felt like a bad friend, as she hadn't been to visit his gravestone in a long time. But with all the emotional fallout from the Penny situation, and the tension that it caused between her and Meredith, she couldn't help but think of Mark. He'd always had her back, and he was always there for her, to be her friend. And right now, she could really use a friend.
That's how she found herself strolling through the cemetery, on this, the fourth anniversary of his death. So much had changed over those four years that she couldn't even begin to quantify it. Mark certainly wouldn't recognize this reality.
Long before she heard her, Callie saw her. Apparently, Callie wasn't the only one with the idea to pay their respects today. Arizona was up ahead, sitting on the small marble bench beside Mark's large headstone. She was talking animatedly.
When Callie got closer she could just make out Arizona's soft words. They seemed to be mirroring her own thoughts.
"Everything is so messed up," Arizona said. Her shoulders slumped in defeat.
Callie agreed, they were so far removed from where they were when that damn plane fell out of the sky. Everyone's life had changed. Their world was unrecognizable.
Callie intended to make herself known, but Arizona kept talking, "Things with Callie and me are… Well, I broke our promise, Mark. I mean, not to keep score or anything, but technically you did first by dying," she wiped at a tear, that Callie was still too far away to see, "I didn't take care of her. I wasn't a good man in a storm. I got so lost. Lost in my own storm. And now… Now she has, Penny. Maybe, Penny, will do a better job." Arizona paused, almost as if she were waiting for Mark to respond. "You'd like her, I think. She's perfect. Pretty Perfect Penny."
The things she was saying were flattering, but Arizona's tone held something else. Something Callie couldn't quite put her finger on. She had taken enough grief over Penny the past few weeks. She didn't want to hear it from ex-wife, too. Anyone but Arizona.
"I need your help…" the blonde started, but Callie interrupted. She decided it was time to make herself known.
"Arizona?" Callie said loudly as she walked up, acting as if she'd just noticed her. She didn't want the blonde to realize she'd heard her. Grave conversations were private matters. Intimate, even, and Callie and Arizona were far from intimate these days.
"Callie!?" Arizona looked up, startled. She'd clearly been unaware of Callie's approach. She froze, like a deer caught in the headlights. Unable to look away from the approaching brunette.
Callie politely glanced to the side to allow Arizona a moment to compose herself; her eyes roamed the words carved into Mark's tombstone. She pretended, for Arizona's sake, not to notice as the other woman tried desperately to wipe at the tears that had been flowing.
"I guess we had the same idea," Callie sat the small bouquet of flowers down on Mark's grave, then pointed to the empty spot by Arizona on the small bench.
Arizona nodded and moved to her left to allow space for Callie.
"This is the first time I've been here," Arizona admitted. She'd gotten her emotions under control, and was appreciative to just be sitting with Callie. "I've always meant to, but it's hard."
"I know. I haven't been since before we divorced," Callie confessed her own guilt in the matter.
"Do you still miss him?" Arizona asked. Her eyes roaming Callie's features as Callie still looked at the grave.
"I do," Callie turned to face Arizona, "Especially at times like this."
"Times like what?"
"When I need to talk. When I need a friend. He always listened," a smiled formed on Callie's face, "and he always knew when to tell me to shut up and listen. He was helpful, even if what he said didn't make any sense to me or wasn't anywhere near appropriate for the situation, I always came away from our talks with a sense of clarity. I miss having that."
"Did you ever wish it was me?"
"What?" Callie's forehead creased. "Wish what?"
"Not seriously. Just like…" Arizona licked her lips. She didn't know where this was coming from, but suddenly she needed to know. "For a split second, when I was at my worst… did you ever wish it was me that died instead of him?"
"Arizona," Callie's face twisted at the idea. "I… never…."
"Not even after…. Lauren?" Arizona pushed. "Be honest, Callie. I won't… it's not like it makes any difference now."
"Then why are you asking?"
"Because, I need to know. I need closure. I need…something."
"I daydreamed about leaving," Callie blurted. Quickly spitting out the words before she chickened out. Arizona had asked, and Callie felt she deserved honesty. Too long they'd hid from each other. "All the time. About giving up… and running. About disappearing and never looking back," her voice broke with the force of emotion she suddenly felt, "But never did I…" she licked her lips and continued, "I daydreamed that Mark had lived, but not once did I wish you had died, or… or him in your place and you in his. You were my wife Arizona, I loved you. I could live without Mark… but…I couldn't live in a world where you didn't exist."
Arizona took a deep, almost relieved, breath, "You just, couldn't live with me in that world."
"Arizona," Callie breathed. Her tone somewhat warning.
"No, I know," she reached over and grabbed Callie's hand, who didn't protest. "I get it. We were broken, you did the right thing."
Callie closed her eyes at the feeling of Arizona's soft hand in her own. She'd missed it more than she cared to admit.
"I thought about it," Arizona whispered so low that Callie couldn't be sure she heard her correctly.
Callie titled her head in question, and her brow furrowed. She started to speak, but stopped herself. She could tell Arizona had more to say, and dammit, for once she was going to let her.
After a moment, Arizona continued, "For the longest time I didn't feel anything but pain… and… I wanted it to stop," her head was bowed as she made her confession. "I wished I had died in the crash. It would have been easier for everyone. I would be gone, and… you would have mourned, of course, but you are young and beautiful you would have found someone to love you. Someone who was whole, emotionally and physically… maybe even Penny?"
"Arizona, no…"
"But I didn't. I didn't die… you saved me," her eyes flooded with tears. "You saved me and I couldn't deal with it. I wasn't strong enough. I didn't want to feel the pain anymore, so I stopped feeling. I just stopped… and it was okay for awhile, until I realized that shutting down my pain, also meant not feeling the good either. But…," she pursed her lips, trying to hold in a sob, "By that point, I didn't know how to undo it. For the longest time, I faked it, and somewhere along the way I got better. I was okay with being here, being alive… being disabled, but couldn't figure out how to turn my emotions back on. I did what I had to do to survive, but when it came time to live again, there was no on/off switch. So I… I desperately tried to feel something… anything. The baby…," her voice finally broke, "Lauren, the cheating. I couldn't process it, Callie, and I'm sorry. I knew I'd hurt you. I knew it, but I couldn't feel it. I was too far gone. But now… Now I feel everything. I feel it all. It's like I've finally realized how far I've let this go. And I… I don't want to let this go."
"Arizona, I had no idea…," Callie wiped at her own tears. "Why didn't you ever say anything."
Arizona just shrugged, "I didn't know how."
Callie's lip quivered, "Why… why now?"
"Because you are moving on," Arizona grasped Callie's hand hard to keep her own from shaking, "You found Penny, and she's great and you are happy, but I don't want to let us go. I can. I can move on, too. And let you go. I'm sure I can find love again, if I tried, but I don't want to. I want you to... "
"To what?" Callie asked, "What do you want me to do."
"I want you to choose me. I want you to love me. I want to be the person you come to when you need to talk. I want to be the person you come to when you need a friend. I want to be the person to give you clarity. I want to love you, Calliope, and I want you to love me back. Do you think you can do that? Or… did I wait too long to finally fight for you?"
Callie lifted her eyes to the sky, it was a rare bright sunny day in Seattle, and she let the sun warm her face.
Arizona patiently waited as she watched the myriad of emotions playout on Callie's expressive face.
Callie closed her eyes and pursed her lips, her whole body swayed with the swirling of her thoughts. Arizona didn't let go of her hand, but she didn't say anything, allowing Callie the time to process.
Finally, after a few torturous moments of silence, something resembling recognition dawned on Callie's face. She'd come to a decision. Arizona could tell. She held her breath in anticipation of Callie's response.
She turned to Arizona and said, "No."
Arizona's face fell, she dropped Callie's hand and sighed in defeat.
"You didn't wait too long to fight for me."
Absolute joy bubbled in Arizona's chest. She smiled, really smiled, for what felt like the first time in years. She'd healed herself, and she knew that she'd have survived, and most likely even eventually thrived without Callie, but with her was so much better.
"What does that mean?" Arizona couldn't help but ask.
"It means…" her voice crackled with emotion, "I want you to kiss me, Arizona."
And so she did. Arizona kissed Callie with every ounce of love she had buried deep down inside her for the past 4 years. She channelled it all into that one perfect kiss. Their lips moved in perfect rhythm, the taste of Callie mingling with their shared tears overwhelming her, until they finally pulled apart breathless.
Arizona didn't want to pop the bubble, but she had to ask, "What about Penny?"
Callie licked her lips, "What about her?"
"What will you tell her? I mean… this means… you do intend to break up with her, right? I'm not reading this wrong, am I?"
"Arizona, I ended things with Penny weeks ago. Right after the dinner. I couldn't… it just didn't feel right anymore."
Arizona's eyes went wide, she been trying unsuccessfully to move on for two weeks, because she thought Callie had been happy. She smiled and looked around at their surroundings. She laughed at the irony of their new start beginning in cemetery.
"Let's go somewhere and talk, okay?" Arizona said. "Figure some stuff out… maybe pick up Sof from school and have dinner together?"
"I can't think of anything I'd rather do."
Arizona stood and held her hand out for Callie to take, which she did gratefully. They walked away from Mark's grave, hand in hand, really together for the first time in years.
Just before they got out of sight, Arizona turned to look back at the tombstone that read Mark Everett Sloan (1968-2012). She smiled and mouthed the words, "Thank you."
xxxxxx
The End.
xxxxxx
Epilogue: The above was the actual ending, this is just for a little Halloween fun!
xxxxxx
Arizona smiled and mouthed the words, "Thank you."
The ghostly visage of Mark Sloan coalesced beside his grave. "You're welcome," he said. "It's about damn time."
Lexie Grey appeared beside him. "I'm glad they found each other again," she smiled, her ghostly hand grasping Mark's. "Like we did at the end."
"Hopefully not just like you two," a third figure materialized beside the spectral couple. "All my hard work would be lost if those two die now."
"What hard work?" Mark asked.
"Introducing Penny into their lives," the dreamy ghost replied. "I've been haunting her since my death. Pushing her toward our hospital."
"You did that for them?" Lexie asked, pointing in the direction of Callie and Arizona.
"For Meredith, but Callie was an easy in. Meredith needs to heal. And to forgive. She mourned me, but now she needs to let me go. Helping Penny will help her to let go. They all need to let go. Let go of the past, and move forward. Reuniting those two was just a bonus consequence of using Callie."
"Callie would be so angry that you used her, Derek," Lexie said.
"Well, I don't see her complaining," Derek smirked. "Do you?"
Ahead in the distance, Callie pulled Arizona into another kiss. Joy radiating from them both.
"Well played," Mark said.
The three ephemeral forms of the dearly departed Grey Sloan surgeons once again dissipated into nothingness.
xxxxx
The End. Again.