Writer's Song (a parody of Gaston's song)
Gosh it disturbs me to see a writer
Looking so down in the dumps
Every author would love to be you, writer
Even during your work slumps
There's no craft as admired as you
You're everyone's favorite past time
Readers drop their jaws and nerds are in awe
And it's not very hard to see why…!
No-o one's…Got cutting wit like writers
No one pitches woe like writers
No one's hide is incredibly thick as writers
For while critics' are envious and full of green slime
It's the work not the reviews that will stand the test of time
You can ask any Melville, William or Dostoyevsky
And they'll tell you whose books weren't praised the first time…!
No-o one…Churns words like writers
Like butter makers like writers
No one's got a higher chance of mental illness like writers
As a sad mess, why yes, they're prone to beautiful melancholy
I want to be verbose like writers!
Give five dry wrys
Give twelve profound piths
Writers are the best and the rest are just insipid
No-o one…makes you cry like writers
Douses your loved one's lives like writers
In the literary world no one amplificates like writers
For there's no one more sly or fascinating
Then a writer whose got devices to spare
Not a bit of them are useless or unnecessary
That's right! And every single one of them references Shakespeare
No one quips like writers
Establishes diction like writers
In the fiction realm, nobody fabricates like writers
They're especially good at exaggerating!
(Ten points to Gryffindor)
When they were lasses and lads they would read four dozen books
Every month to build their lexicon!
But now that they're grown they read five dozen books
So they've got the language of a BARRRR-D
No-o one…switches point of view like writers
Shows the protagonist's untrue like writers
Then goes kicking you while you're down like writers
They sneak by clues in all of their FORESHADOWING
OH HOW I WISH I WERE A…WRITER!