just a lil' something to get me into writing again.
Not That It Matters
summary: Miley came back for reasons more than just wanting to be Lilly's best friend. one-sided Lilly x Miley Slight AU.
"I love you," she mumbled, allowing herself to indulge in the scent of Lilly's hair.
It took a couple moments for Miley to register what she had just said and before she could do anything, Lilly had replied with an equally muffled "I know" and Miley felt her heart flutter and the sincerity in her best friend's tone.
Best Friend.
Miley had toyed around with the meaning behind those words on the duration of her brief stay in Paris and the flight back to California. She knew Lilly was her everything - the reason for her smile, the reason for her frowns, the reason for the fact that her heart wouldn't, couldn't stop doing butterflies whenever they hugged or merely touched.
Miley glanced down at their linked hands as Lilly dragged her excitedly into their shared dorm room. Miley noticed with a heavy heart that half the room was bare and cold, as if no life had touched it.
"I can't believe you're back," Lilly had said quietly.
"I couldn't leave you," Miley responded immediately, her heart thudding painfully against her chest.
"What made you change your mind?"
You.
Me.
Us.
Everything.
"I just...I realised that I couldn't do this to you...I couldn't let my best friend experience this without her right-hand man," Miley said, joking at the end, raising a hand in mock salute.
"You didn't have to come back for me," Lilly said, a smile twitching at the corner of her mouth.
"I know..."
"Then why did you come back?" Lilly asked, her fingers lightly touching Miley's now trembling palms.
Why did she come back? She wasn't sure.
"I - D-did you not want me to?" she asked, snapping her eyes down to the floor.
"No," Lilly said, that spark of hope flickering. "I just thought-"
"-You thought what?" Miley asked, eyes flicking back up instantaneously.
Lilly swallowed and sat on her bed, patting the spot beside her. Miley quickly opted to sit on the other bed, enjoying its coldness. She shivered.
'Good,' she thought bitterly. 'You deserve this - for all the trouble you've caused.' She was enjoying her self-inflicted mental assault when Lilly's angelic voice broke through.
"Miley?"
"I - uh, yes?"
"Nothing." Miley looked at her blonde friend curiously. A faint blush was on Lilly's cheeks. "I'm just glad you're here."
"I'm glad I'm here too."
Lilly stood up and took two steps towards Miley's bed.
'Is that how much space we have between our beds?' she thought faintly.
"You know we have to talk about what happened."
"What?" Miley asked dumbly, which seemed to be the wrong thing to say. All feelings of euphoria and initial excitement were quickly starting to fade.
"You know what, Miley Ray," Lilly said, her voice nearing a growl. Miley's toes curled.
"I know," she conceded, looking away and pulling her hands away. She turned away, curling up on her new bed. It was cold, and lonely.
"It was a mistake, you know - one night only."
Miley's mind flashed to that night - nails on skin, teeth clashing with teeth, toes curling - Oh God - hair splayed across the pillow like an angel sent from Heaven-
"Miley."
"I know."
"Why did you come back, Miley?" Lilly asked again.
"I...I don't know."
Lilly was quiet, then there was a dip in Miley's bed and she felt her warm presence behind her. Lilly's hand smoothed a lock of Miley's hair away. Miley shrunk herself into her over-sized hoodie.
"You know, when I went to see you off at the airport, I didn't think you'd come back for a while," Lilly said, her arms snaking around Miley's waist.
Miley shut her eyes tightly, wanting to drown in the excess fabric of her hoodie. "Do you want me to go back?" she managed to croak.
"No," Lilly murmured. "I want you to stay. I've always wanted you to stay." Lilly's hand traced circles on Miley's hip. "Didn't that...that night show you - tell you anything?"
"I just thought - I saw Oliver with you and I saw-"
"-I do love you, Miley," Lilly said, and Miley stopped breathing. "But you have to realise that I love Oliver more." Lilly inhaled shakily and seemed to squeeze Miley against herself more. "I loved Oliver first."
Harsh.
"I know. It's always been like that, hasn't it?" Miley said, letting out a short bitter laugh. Lilly drew away, startled.
"Miley, I-"
"-I get it."
The silence that followed was not remotely comfortable nor was it awkward. It was heavy and filled with unspoken emotions.
"What did Jesse say to you before you left?" Lilly asked tentatively. She had moved back to her own bed.
Miley's lips twitched into a humourless smile. "He told me he loved me." She turned around to gauge Lilly's reaction.
Lilly seemed to struggle with something internally. "And - and did you tell him you loved him back?"
Miley shut her eyes, leaving only a crack open to peer blearily at the wall.
"It doesn't really matter, does it?"
"...No, I suppose it doesn't."
Miley closed her eyes again, turning away once more.
fin.