Sometimes that demon brings me to parks and tells me to go play and be a child. Sometimes I'll think it stupid, and ignore him completely. I'll walk away scoffing. But there are some days where I can't feel or think or breathe and so I heed the advice and I stare at the sky. I sit on the rubber of the swings, and I'll grasp the chains, and I'll kick my legs forward and kick my legs backwards. I'll close my eyes and imagine my family. I'll close my eyes, I'll breathe in the hot air, I'll breathe in my desire for affection, my desire for love. I'll breathe it in, I'll breathe it in. And today is no different. I imagine my family. I miss my family. I kick my legs forward and I kick my legs backward. I listen to the music pouring into my ears from my phone.
And then I fall off. I fall off the swing and I give a cry. My back hits the dirty wood chips of the playground and I take in a sudden breath. Children rush to me and they ask me what's wrong. But what is wrong? What is wrong? I don't know. My body hurts. My chest hurts. My ears are ringing and I see him standing over me. That demon, with a smile upon his lips. A twisted, cruel smile. Like he knows what I feel but doesn't care. And he asks me the same thing. What is wrong, my lord? What is wrong?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I stare at the sky and I see crows circling me. I close my eyes and imagine I don't exist, just like I imagine on the swings everyday.
{ Authors Note: This is Ciel's diary. Dialogue will be identified by bold letters. }