I'm really sorry, but I'm going to redo this story. I know it's been a while since I last updated, but because of certain issues at home and lack of ideas/overload in homework. It'll be somewhat different, but not entirely. I know I had lots of grammer mistakes throughout the story, so I'll try my best to correct it, sorry English isn't my first language.
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha (but I wish I did…)
Late evening finally comes;
I unlatch the door
and quietly await
the one
who greets me in my dreams.
Otomo no Yakamochi - (718-785)
L.o.v.e – T.h.a.t – W.a.s – N.e.v.e.r - M.e.a.n.t - T.o – B.e
(Chapter 1)
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'I can't take this anymore! I can't! I can't!' I screamed through my head. Tears swelled up in my eyes, 'I…I really can't…I…I…I have to escape, escape...' I placed my hands against my ears as I shook my head, crying under my breath. But I knew what has been done can not be undone.
I stood up into the light, traumatized by the couple before me. My heart stopped for the millionth time, yet my feet had already carried off, running away from the scene. Endurance. How much endurance can I take? Every time he departed and fled from me, every time I would find him with Kikyo. Every time that I am weakened, It is because of my weak heart. My weak heart pleading for one day he will love me like how I love him. Every time my presence was not noticed, maybe because he was too intertwined in her existence that he barely even smelt me. And this should be no difference this time; at least that's what I thought.
Kikyou and Inuyasha, kissing. It was as simple as that, just one sentence to describe what they were doing. No, one word to be exact. Yet it felt like knives piercing me hard, twisting itself into my heart, as it thrust deeper inside. It may be simple to say, but hard to cope.
I sprinted past the bushes and onto the dusty footpath, hoping it will lead me safely towards the little village up ahead. The wind blew against me, creating a resistance whilst making my tears icy and hard. That's what I wanted to be like: Icy and hard. But…I'm not like that, I can never be ruthless.
I have had enough of this already; I have been patient and tranquil whenever he abandoned me for her. I was always second choice to him, yet I made no comment towards this. I trust him, I gave him everything that I can ever provide, yet it was never enough. He never loved me; it was my soul that he loved. Kikyou's soul, but no matter what, I am different to Kikyou. All I want is for him to love me…to love me like how I love him…
I knew what I should do to stop this pain from developing even more…'escape…' I though to myself, 'that is…'I paused for a second '…the only way…' I knew it was selfish, but my heart has been completely shattered. It wasn't something that can be easily mended anymore. This time, it is for real. I am leaving.
"Hey Kagome! What-" Sango was cut of by my sudden move.
I gave her one of my fake smiles, hoping it was enough assurance. But as a team mate and a friend, the insincerity was easily distinguished. She frowned at me for a mere second before softening as I ran up and gave her a big tight hug. "Sango, I need your help. Please do this one favour for me, I can't stand it anymore. I want to go home and live a normal life. I'm sorry for my selfishness. But please let me go this once." Sango nodded slightly, whilst rubbing my back slowly, trying to calm me down. "God Sango! I'll miss you so much! Please take good care of Miroku. I know you two will get along just fine. Oh and please take care of my daring Shippo…" I broke down, crying on her shoulder.
"Kagome? What's wrong? Did something happen?" Miroku asked in concern as he approached us.
He placed his hand on mine, in the process touching Sango's back. "Was it Inuyasha?" He questioned, this time pity filled his voice.
I nodded in response, burying my face into Sango's shoulder. I pulled away, handing them the remaining sacred Jewel and smiled at him; tears trailed down my face within seconds. I looked at Sango and Miroku for the last time and I ran…
I could still hear Sango calling out to me, but I did not care. No I did, and I wanted to go back, but I couldn't. Not right now…and not for a while until I'm over him…
I ran as fast as I could, as swiftly as my legs could bear. They felt like being torn apart, but I ignored it. There was too much heartache to even feel the physical pain. I was angry and sad. It bothered me how my heart reacted towards him, towards him kissing Kikyou and acknowledging that I will never be worthy to him. Knowing that no matter what I do, I will forever be a simple, dull, girl who stands for a temporary version of Kikyou travelling with him. No matter how much I tried, I knew that the type of 'affection' will never be as strong as their love that took place 50 years ago. Yet I choice to be with him, to be with someone who I knew would never really realise the love that I have given him for eternity, because he, Inuyasha has always been in love with Kikyou…
"How can you do that to me!? You knew I loved you! You knew that I cared about you every moment! Yet you did that to me!" I screamed on the top of my lungs, "You said you would stay with me, and not leave me again even if you find Kikyou! You promised me that you'll stay by me! You promised!!"
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(Back in the village)
Normal P.O.V
Shippo stared at Kagome as she ran off into the woods. He didn't understand what was going on. He was too small to understand now. But all he knew was that she wouldn't come back…at least for a while…
"Kagome!" Shippo cried, running after her.
But he tripped and fell flat down on the dirt. He started crying, crying loudly and shouting desperately for her to hear. Sango rushed towards him, helped him up and hugged him, telling him it would be alright. But no matter what she said, she knew as well it might be the last time she would see Kagome.
She knew that the only person capable of making her cry was Inuyasha. She knew it would have been something excruciating to cause her to completely shatter. Kagome, the Kagome that she knew, would never be literately crying because of him unless something server happens.
'What did he do this time? I have a feeling…from her words…and action, she won't come back…' she though sadly, holding onto Shippo tighter.
"Let me go! I'm going to find Inuyasha! I want to know what he did this time, and I'm not going to forgive him," Shippo shouted brushing off the dirt on him as he escaped from her embrace.
Sango stared at him, "No." She said firmly, "Let him deal with it and I'm sure that he will get her back…I hope…"
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(Back at the Well)
Kagome's P.O.V
'I'm going to leave now, and once I step into my own world, I will seal the well. I won't go back there anymore. I won't.' I shouted at myself in my head, trying to calm myself down.
I placed my hand on my heart, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I gaze at the surrounding for the last time and jumped into the well, hoping for a new life…
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Normal P.O.V
Later at night, Inuyasha walked back into the village, with a small smile plastered onto his face. He could sense that something was wrong. Everyone was eating dinner by that time, no one spoke of Kagome.
"Hey, what's wrong with everyone?" He asked.
Everyone looked up at him, gave him a cold glare and continued eating without anyone uttering a word. No one looked up at him.
"What's wrong with everyone and where's that wench?" He said returning the glare.
"pfft. Ask yourself what you did to her! She still hasn't come back yet! And it's been a couple of hours! What did you do to her?!" Shippo shouted at him running towards Sango.
"What?! Me? What would I do to her? Just one word from her can make me fall flat down on my face! What can I do anyway?" he hissed crossing his arms and stuck his nose up in the air.
"She came running towards me crying and telling me how I should take care of Shippo and all that stuff," Sango said getting up from her seat.
Inuyasha stood there staring blankly ahead. 'Can it be? … I knew I smelt her before, but I thought it was just my mind messing with me…' "God that baka!" He shouted before dashing towards the well.
"That stupid baka better have not disappeared down the well." He shouted.
He dashed towards the well, jumping on few branches as he went, arriving within minutes. Bright lights surrounded him as Inuyasha jumped into the well. Soon enough, he arrived at the other end of the well. But this time when he looked up, it was not the clear sky he would normally see, instead total darkness… He tried jumping up, but as he touched the wooden boards coving the well, bright lights appeared, burning his hand in the process.
'Why did she go this time? There is no reason for her to do that. Argh! I just don't understand her! Was it because of Kikyou? It shouldn't be, she's aways so collected after I come back. But even if it is Kikyo, why? She doesn't love me, and I don't love her, yet I feel pained somewhat. But I know she is going to come crawling back to me sooner or later. Anyway, she has the sacred Jewel. She will come back. I just know it.' He thought to himself smirking as he disappeared back into feudal Japan.
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(Back At Home -
Kagome)
(Kagome's P.O.V)
I
ran straight towards my room closing my doors behind and locking it
from the inside. I jumped onto my bed and snuggled my face into my
pillow, crying into it as flashbacks appeared in my head again.
I
couldn't escape, I just couldn't.
I laid there on my bed crying for hours, I heard my mum, grandpa, and Souta come knocking on my door asking if I was alright. But I ignored them. I ignored them just like if they weren't there. As if they didn't even exist in this world. At that moment, I hated life. I hated the fact that I was alive. I hated the fact that my life is unusual.
I finally got up onto my feet, and walked towards my table. I took out my diary and started writing.
Dear
Diary,
It's been nearly a year since I was first dragged into
the well by some caterpillar lady. I'm back again once more. No,
not once more, but forever. I wonder how I actually began this whole
thing. I wonder how I actually got all caught up in my so-called
'adventure'.
When
I look up into the sky, I would wonder, why do I just have to be that
different from everyone else? Why do things like this have to happen
to me?
If I actually go back to all my diary entries ever since I
fell into the well and ended up in Feudal Japan, every page will have
something about him…
I can't take it anymore you know. I
really can't. He said to me no matter what, he won't leave me
ever again, and put me into situations that will harm me. He said
even if he sees Kikyou again, he won't leave me no matter what. I
told him that it won't be true. Yet my heart tells me otherwise. I
blame myself for not believing my own words but believing my heart.
I want to scream. Scream out loud that I love him and that I have always loved him. But I can't...I can't. I feel hurt. Hurt. Right here in my heart. My hands feels weak, I can barely stand up now. I'm tired. Tired from writing and from crying. I can't even bear to look at myself in the mirror.
I don't know how I feel exactly right now. No. I do, I want to die, and I am in so much pain that I would rather die than live. My heart feels like if it's tearing apart. I feel cold all over my body. Even though I am sitting here under the bright, warm lights in my room, I can't even stop shivering for a moment.
I had always thought I found the right person to be with, but I guess I was wrong. I'm wrong about him, I'm wrong to see I can be with him, I'm wrong to even think I could change him. So many things that I do are wrong, what is there that I've done right? Things just seem to change in a flash, and gone like one. I don't know why, but the images of the scene appear in my head over and over again like a never-ending clip.
I like him so much, way more than I've ever expected it to be. And the pain that I'm in can never be described. My heart seems to be stabbed heavily by flying knifes, and then shattered into millions of broken little pieces.
I'm so sucked up into my adventure that I sometimes begin to wonder whether or not I really exist in reality. Whether reality is more important than the Feudal Ages. I don't know what to do now. I really don't...
Kagome
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I got up on my feet once again, and dragged myself onto my bed. I crawled into a ball underneath my blanket, and fell fast asleep...I thought to myself as my tears fell onto my pillow, '...I already miss you...so much...'
Thankyou for reading!