My god do I hate parties like this. Its just another banquette here at Starfleet as they drag mostly the command crew from Voyager and parade us around. The talk is bland and it never matters what the event is for they were all exactly the same. I sip on my whisky and am very pleased with myself for making friends with the bar man who knows to always give me the strongest stuff they have. I have eased into a corner and watch the room. I figured if I hide in the perimeter I would have to suffer less mind numbing conversations and if any one important needed to speak with me they would come find me. I scan the room for the third time and I catch on to two blue eyes staring back at me. She looks stunning as always as she raises a glass to me. I raise mine. She smiles and to my surprise she seemed to have blushed. "She remembers" I think to myself. She turns back around as yet another blurry face in a uniform demands her attention. I look down at my shoes as memories from six months prior flood my mind.
I was sitting on the couch drinking beer while pretending to watch the game. I glanced around to the scattered empty trays of replicated dinners and half read PADDs. I had pretty much just resorted to making camp in the living room. The rest of the house just felt to empty and unwelcome. It had been to quiet since BE'lanna and Miral moved out. The lack of sounds of 'Lanna cursing at her latest project or Miral chattering to her make believe friends was deafening. The silence from their absence disrupted any sense of comfort for me in that household. But thats what divorce does, it disrupts everything. I guess you could say I was lucky though divorce wise. Unlike what many might have said on the streets BE'lanna and I didn't end our marriage in a knock out drag out fight. It was a quiet thing. It started about three years after returning from Voyager when we suddenly felt our ever present understanding of each other slowly disappear. It started out as us being a little snippy with the stress from adjusting to earth life but then as the rest of our voyager family eased into their every day lives we never did. When we were first in love it was like dunking us in oil and setting a match. But then we returned home where life was different, we were different, there wasn't Voyager there to keep us bonded. We adjusted to the day in and out of our now high profile Starfleet roles and we grew into unfamiliar versions of ourselves. We didn't even realize it until one day we looked up to one another at the breakfast table and felt nothing. When we looked deeply into each others eyes that morning we felt no desire, no resentment, no seismic shift. We simply felt nothing for one another and we both knew it at that very moment. I watched as my wife set down her half eaten toast as her large brown eyes began to well with tears. "No." she said so softly "Not like this." My heart broke at that moment and continue to break ever sense.
Later that night Mirial went to my parents place and 'Lanna returned with a new look in her eye. She slammed me against the wall demanding for answers and I said nothing. She threw a clay pot at my head accusing me of infidelity and I said nothing. Soon she was pounding her fists against my chest begging me to fight back. I asked her why. I'll never forget the way she looked up at me with tears streaming down her pretty features. "Because it would make more sense this way" she wept "It would just make more sense." I pulled her close and we sat on floor crying together. She was right. It would make more sense to the frustrated half klingon and the rebellious Starfleet brat to have their marriage end in a battle royal. But it didn't. It ended in the worst way. It died quietly without a sound and was gone long before either of us could revive it.
Though we had fallen out of love I missed having my wife around the house but I missed having my best friend around even more. I stood unable to be cooped up any longer. I threw on a sweater and grabbed my keys. I stepped out the door and just walked and walked and walked. I didn't care where I was going I just needed to get as far away as I could from the home I knew I had failed. It was well into the evening when I had tired myself out. I glanced around the quiet area in hopes for a bar but settled for a twenty-four hour coffee shop.
When I stepped into the shop I was instantly in love with the place. It was twenty-first century themed with its ratty old couches, large wooden tables and creaky reading chairs. I ordered myself a black russian to stay in the spirits of the shop and my somber mood. After I received my drink from the unimpressed barista I stepped over to the wall of leather bound books. I took the liberty to thumb over the spines of those ancient beauties. "Can I read any of these?" I asked the barista. "You spill on it you buy it" she replied without glancing up. I smiled as I took my time reading every title. I finally settled on the classic "The Catcher in the Rye", there was something about the biting comebacks of Holden Caulfield that just spoke to me. I was four black russians in and almost to the final chapter when I heard someone take a seat across from me. I look up to see Kathryn smiling at me with her signature smirk. "This place" she said "kind of reminds me of Sandrines." I laughed. "I think this place might be even better" I replied. "Oh don't be so hard on yourself" she assured. I offered to buy her a cup of joe but she seemed to be fascinated by my choice of drink so I got her that instead. We spent hours catching up on friends, family and work. But we mostly just reminisced about Voyager. "You know its funny. Our lives were threatened every single day we were on that damn ship but now it almost feels like…it feels like we were safer there than we are here." I admitted to her dreamily. She was slouched back into her large arm chair with her feet propped up on another chair she swiveled around hours ago. I remember her crystal blue eyes looked off into the distance as she pressed her glass to her cheek. "It was just us up there Tom. The only part of humanity out there. It just us out there on our own little island, free to explore and be explored as humans do" she replied with a slight slur in her words. I looked down at my empty glass and my long forgotten book. "I think I felt more human out there than I do here" I admitted out loud. I don't think it was really to her but more to just myself. "It just…" my voice cracked "it just made more sense that way". And there as my former wife's words left my trembling lips I began to weep. I just put my head in my hands and wept. Kathryn's familiar hand were placed on my arm. Her touch made me feel like I was at the con again at the bridge and she was just passing by on her way to the captains chair. "I know exactly what you mean" she said. I looked up to see her weeping as well. She was crouched in front of me with her gaze fixated on the broken man before her. We just looked at one another and soon our lips were pressed. We continued to kiss. Soon my hands were entangled in her hair and I could taste the salty tears on our lips. We pulled apart and looked at one another in shock. She let out a breath and without a thought I cupped her face to bring her back to me. She didn't fight me. Tears still spilled from our eyes and smudged against our cheeks. She was still kneeling in front of me as I slid down to my own knees as we continued to kiss.
I felt a familiar tingle and realized we were being transported a short distance. I looked up to see we were in a nice but antique hotel room. The hotel room was almost completely in darkness except for a small lamp on the bedside table and the street lamp outside the window. "What?" I managed to mumble. "Meetings all week in this area" she stated "Easier to just get a room above the shop". "How?" I croaked my voice still heavy with emotion. She held up a small black box with a wry smile. "Self transporter" she explained "Perks of being the Voyager Vixen ". I grimaced at the nickname and watched as her face wash over in agony. "The Delta Darling" she spat as her breath began to labor. I pulled her against my chest. "Starfleet's Siren" she sobbed. I stroked her hair as she continued to list the tabloid nicknames she had been stamped with. It made me ill. We were all so happy to return to a home welcomed with open arms. But Starfleet was desperate to look good again after the Dominian Wars and suddenly Kathryn arrived. A woman victorious, brave and holding Starfleet's ideals like it were her religion. She had fought with every inch of her being to bring her people home all the while providing Starfleet years worth of fresh new information and allies that would have not been made for another couple of decades. So how do they thank her? They reduce her to sex symbol. They dress her up and parade her around as if she were their property, all to make the Alpha Quadrant love their government again. The worst part is Kathryn played her part so beautifully that Starfleet enrollment tripled and five new planets joined the federation in record time. She was their prized trophy and she knew. Her tears dampened my sweatshirt. My tears trickled onto her hair. "And..and…they have the audacity to call you a hot new bachelor the day after…."She said but trailed off. My hand stilled. I flashed back to my home empty of life and I ached. "They don't deserve you" I replied. "She really did love you" she wept. My tears returned quickly and I released an agonized cry. She wrapped her arms around me and we wept together. We wept for ourselves, we wept for Voyager, we wept for what could have been and we wept simply because we wanted to. Overtime we came back to some form of a lucid state. I looked down at her face red from her tears and my ruffled sweats. "I feel gross" I admitted. She let out a weak chuckle. She stood and so did I. She took me by the hand and led me to the bathroom.
Along with the hotel it still had its old fashioned tiling and didn't even have a sonic setting. So I happily watched as Kathryn turn on the faucet and test the temperature. She turned back to me and together we stripped each others clothing. I should have been shocked to be suddenly bathing with my former captain but it was as if we were drugged from our grief and bathing would make us feel alive again. Together we entered the shower and welcomed the clear liquid cascading down our bodies. I quickly realized the shower head was removable so I took it into my hand and held it over Kathryn. I loved the way she wrapped her arms around my waist but tilted her head back as she enjoyed the warmth of a man made waterfall. I ran the water over her hair and down her back. I felt my heart lighten when a small smile graced her lips as she allowed me to wash her. Her eyes were closed the entire time I bathed her. She let out a few residual sobs but I knew it was just part of her release. I took my time getting to know every inch of her body, each curve and freckle I claimed my own. I felt my hands glide over strong shoulders, pert breasts, a tiny waists, and legs that went for days. I was surprised to discover a tattoo on her hip. I traced the detailed etchings of three large roses, two red and white in the middle. "I got it when my father died" she explained. I didn't ask more of it and she seemed relieved. She then took the shower head from my hand and returned the favor of bathing me. Her small hands were gentle and caring as they carefully attended to every inch of my body. I shuddered as she gently cupped my manhood. I tried to ease my labored breaths as she applied some soap to my shaft. My hand pressed against the sleek wall as her nimble fingers lathered the bubbly concoction from my scrotum all the way to the head of my penis and back again. She looked up at me with a dangerous smile despite her eyes still sparkling with the last of her tears. My head was spinning but I reached down and pushed her hand away. "Kath…I can't" I stammered "I don't want you to think…." I could barely get my words out. In my last few sparks of logic I knew that Kathryn had accepted being Voyagers Vixen for the world but I didn't want her to assume she had to be for me. "You don't have to be…her" I struggled to say. She looked at me with questioning eyes until her face softened with realization. "No Tom" she cooed "You aren't them. You were never them." She placed a hand against my cheek. "You want this?" I asked timidly. "I want you" she stated before kissing me to further her point. "We're turning into prunes" I teased when our lips parted. She laughed and kissed me a second time. We finished washing and stepped out of the shower. She smiled handing me a towel as she looked me up and down clearly happy with her work, I was painfully erect.
We entered the bedroom with our towels lazily wrapped around ourselves as our skin reacted to the night air. I followed her small frame towards the bed as I watched a droplet make its way from the nape of her neck to between her shoulder blades. She paused and turned to me. I cupped her face. She kissed me against before she reached over and switched off the light. "Kathryn" I stated. "Shhhh" she said gently. I questioned us for a moment but found her lips again. We kissed tenderly as we stripped each other of our towels and our long forgotten dignity. I could only see the outline of her figure so we relied on touch. I pushed her back onto the bed and she obliged. My hands lightly glided over her body as I took the time to once again get to know her curves. She allowed my exploration as she relaxed into the mattress and opened up before me. She was unashamed to express her desire as me finger tips danced over her center. She was ready. She pulled me near when my finger tips entered her. I let out a primal groan when I realized how tight she was. She shuddered as my finger beckoned her towards me in her velvety encasing. I listened as she wrapped her legs around my waist and mewled into my ear. I sucked on the soft spot behind her ear as my fingers quickened their pace. I watched as her narrow body twitched in pleasure. I waited until her moans rose in volume to pull out of her. She let out a frustrated whine but then proceed gasp my name when I pinned her wrists above her head and ground my member against her then tender folds. She began to squirm as my entire frame thrust against hers. "Please…please!" she gasped. I growled as I felt unbridled power coursing through me and I felt slightly embarrassed how close I already was. "Tom!" She panted as she glared up at me with hot determination "Tom now! Please now!" I will tell you I had survived beatings in prison for interrogation without making a peep, I have maneuvered an entire starship with death nearly inches from the hull and I have even heard my own father pridefully boast of my steel like control. But no man could survive saying 'no' to the glorious sound of Kathryn Janeway begging to be taken. I entered her immediately and pinned her hips down with my own. She nearly growled as I moved within her and still pinning her hands down. It wasn't long before I was shaking enough to loosen my grip. In a matter of minutes her back arched and her walls tightened around me. I nearly blacked out. Her arms were around me as I cried out into the crook of her neck.
It was perfect. She was perfect.
We continued our actions three more times that night. Together we were just two beings exploring one another and wanting to be explored, just as humans do.
I woke up the next morning to an empty bed and an empty room. All that was left of her was a copy of "Catcher in the Rye" resting on the nightstand with a handwritten note inside. "You were always one of the best parts of our own little island. Thank you Tom. -K". I read her note over and over again as I played the events of the night before in my head. I was unsure to feel relieved that I didn't have to face her the morning after or infuriated to be left in the dust. I settled for neither and just hoped to see her again. I showered, dressed myself and made sure to leave out the back in hopes not to taint either of our reputations. We never spoke of it again. But to be honest I don't think it was ever out of shame. We needed each other and it just made more sense that way.
I jolt out of my dazed state when a hand is placed on my arm. I look up and there she is. "You remind me of someone Mr Paris" she says to me as she cocks her head to the side. "Who might that be Admiral?" I ask. She looks up at me for a long pause before replying "Holden Caulfield". This time it's my turn to blush. She stands on her toes to place a chaste kiss on the cheek and I can't say anything as I watch her walk away.